tabby
Active member
How many people have gotten their heartbroken, by anyone?
A cheater. An abuser. A general toxic person who wouldn't do better. Someone who just ignored you and used you. A play boy/girl. A slut. A manwhore. "Women are like this, that's why I can't get a wife!" "Men are like this, that's why I can't get a husband!" "Humans are meant to be mono! / Human were born poly!" etc etc. Add whatever you want here, the list is a long one.
So often we look at relationships in black and white. You're either "mono" or "poly". You're with only me or you want others. People who go around enjoying a lot of sex - they can't love, they're shallow. Whatever generalisations about this and that anyone wants to make to excuse why they can't have the spark of love again in their life. You get the idea.
Here's the thing. Relationships are not black and white. People are different. And I don't mean "different" as in people need exclusive relationships and others don't. It's not that simple. Understand this, relationships are fluid and changing things. Can you tell me your relationship and who you are with is exactly the same as when you first met the person? No. Things change, life changes you and makes things move.
People look at all the people who get their heartbroken and they either shut down and never try to open again to new relationships, or they turn their heart cold and "sleep around" to satisfy their wounds. Relationships in the current world are highly oppressed. You can't love or have sex with more than one person lest you be a whore or a shallow person who can't commit. Be with one person only because that's "traditional".
The label of the relationship is not what matters. What matters is the person or persons you are choosing to be with in your relationship. That's all that matters. What do THEY need and what do YOU need. If your needs are incompatible then the relationship is going to be strained and break. If you don't talk about what you need and be totally honest about it with your partner, that's a sure way to lead to bad experiences either for yourself or the other person. If you can't trust each other to honor the conditions and needs of your partnership, how do you expect things to go? Most common cases of cheating and relationship failure is both personal problems within the person that are unresolved and a lack of communication and honesty.
If you don't have trust, communication, respect, and honesty in your relationship, that's not a healthy relationship.
If your partner needs exclusivity with you, but you don't then tell them. If you need exclusivity and they don't want that talk about it. If it's just casual sex, or just love that you need, talk about it. If your needs match then great! Be upfront. Discuss with each other, what is going to make or break the relationship? What's ok and acceptable and what's not? If anything isn't working out, can it be worked out? If not, relax, maybe a love/sex relationship isn't right between you and your partner. Maybe you're better to be friends or something, and hey, who knows, maybe now is just not the right time for where you are in your growth to be with that person. You can change as a person and advance, and as you do, you might suddenly find yourself compatible with that person. And maybe simply, that person and yourself is just not right for each other at all.
Talk like people who care about each other and respect each other, not like strangers in a club hiding your face because getting laid is a life-death situation that night. You're not a one color personality and neither is anyone else. Relationships can last lifetimes if the bond is never broken. You might find someone you were once with and continue on again now, or you might find someone completely new and choose to end the past bonds with others.
People forget, most if not everyone who is here as an SS, is not a new soul. You've lived before, you've been with others before. You've experienced love and relationships. And you can do it all again.
Learn what you want and what you need, then find someone who can match you, or you match them. Forcing unnatural pairings, is how things fail. Leaving wounds bleeding and scars unhealed, also a way to cause failure. And guess what? If you fail once, you can try again, as many times as needed.
Think of relationships like flowing water. Is what you need a lake where you stay in one place, or a river moving between others? What do you need? Find out. It makes things easier.
If you feel like you could never love again or feel that spark of fresh love again because of heartbreak, or because of any reason one may think of, listen... you're an SS aren't you? You can heal your scars, break bonds, reform them and find new ones. It's not over just because it didn't work with one person or many people once upon a time.
You've got a future of however many life times you live, so why keep yourself locked up in ideas and beliefs and pain that don't serve you to succeed?
A cheater. An abuser. A general toxic person who wouldn't do better. Someone who just ignored you and used you. A play boy/girl. A slut. A manwhore. "Women are like this, that's why I can't get a wife!" "Men are like this, that's why I can't get a husband!" "Humans are meant to be mono! / Human were born poly!" etc etc. Add whatever you want here, the list is a long one.
So often we look at relationships in black and white. You're either "mono" or "poly". You're with only me or you want others. People who go around enjoying a lot of sex - they can't love, they're shallow. Whatever generalisations about this and that anyone wants to make to excuse why they can't have the spark of love again in their life. You get the idea.
Here's the thing. Relationships are not black and white. People are different. And I don't mean "different" as in people need exclusive relationships and others don't. It's not that simple. Understand this, relationships are fluid and changing things. Can you tell me your relationship and who you are with is exactly the same as when you first met the person? No. Things change, life changes you and makes things move.
People look at all the people who get their heartbroken and they either shut down and never try to open again to new relationships, or they turn their heart cold and "sleep around" to satisfy their wounds. Relationships in the current world are highly oppressed. You can't love or have sex with more than one person lest you be a whore or a shallow person who can't commit. Be with one person only because that's "traditional".
The label of the relationship is not what matters. What matters is the person or persons you are choosing to be with in your relationship. That's all that matters. What do THEY need and what do YOU need. If your needs are incompatible then the relationship is going to be strained and break. If you don't talk about what you need and be totally honest about it with your partner, that's a sure way to lead to bad experiences either for yourself or the other person. If you can't trust each other to honor the conditions and needs of your partnership, how do you expect things to go? Most common cases of cheating and relationship failure is both personal problems within the person that are unresolved and a lack of communication and honesty.
If you don't have trust, communication, respect, and honesty in your relationship, that's not a healthy relationship.
If your partner needs exclusivity with you, but you don't then tell them. If you need exclusivity and they don't want that talk about it. If it's just casual sex, or just love that you need, talk about it. If your needs match then great! Be upfront. Discuss with each other, what is going to make or break the relationship? What's ok and acceptable and what's not? If anything isn't working out, can it be worked out? If not, relax, maybe a love/sex relationship isn't right between you and your partner. Maybe you're better to be friends or something, and hey, who knows, maybe now is just not the right time for where you are in your growth to be with that person. You can change as a person and advance, and as you do, you might suddenly find yourself compatible with that person. And maybe simply, that person and yourself is just not right for each other at all.
Talk like people who care about each other and respect each other, not like strangers in a club hiding your face because getting laid is a life-death situation that night. You're not a one color personality and neither is anyone else. Relationships can last lifetimes if the bond is never broken. You might find someone you were once with and continue on again now, or you might find someone completely new and choose to end the past bonds with others.
People forget, most if not everyone who is here as an SS, is not a new soul. You've lived before, you've been with others before. You've experienced love and relationships. And you can do it all again.
Learn what you want and what you need, then find someone who can match you, or you match them. Forcing unnatural pairings, is how things fail. Leaving wounds bleeding and scars unhealed, also a way to cause failure. And guess what? If you fail once, you can try again, as many times as needed.
Think of relationships like flowing water. Is what you need a lake where you stay in one place, or a river moving between others? What do you need? Find out. It makes things easier.
If you feel like you could never love again or feel that spark of fresh love again because of heartbreak, or because of any reason one may think of, listen... you're an SS aren't you? You can heal your scars, break bonds, reform them and find new ones. It's not over just because it didn't work with one person or many people once upon a time.
You've got a future of however many life times you live, so why keep yourself locked up in ideas and beliefs and pain that don't serve you to succeed?