Family #76674 I see no way out, I can’t take it anymore

[AskSatanOperator]

Last summer i left my house because social services thought it would be better for me and i did want to leave. I didn’t miss my parents and due to their abusive words and actions towards me I thought only about my well being, i felt like I would have gone insane and killed myself if i stayed in that house any longer, but my parents were never actually bad people in fact they’re the most pure and kind hearted people I know. I’m sure that whatever they did was because of stress and the toxic environment they grew up in. I was worried about why I never missed them and even if i was really nervous when i met them last month after a really long time, felt like crying and was scared of how I would have handled my emotions, when i saw them, they burst into tears and I just felt numb and tried to comfort them. I really don’t know what to do, on one side the place where i am at, I’m happy but on the other they are my family, and I know they have understood that some things they did were wrong. I am from india so for example my father’s reputation is really important to us, and everyone is questioning him and me. I have done some things i regret and i know that if he found out he wouldn’t hate me but it would break him, i wish i thought about it before doing it, I’m so confused the thing that pains me the most is to see them suffering, everyone included me is making them suffer, my family back in India as well, they have always made them stressed and depressed. I feel like a loser honestly and i want to make them feel good but I don’t want to go back home , actually I don’t even know what i want but I’m scared that history will repeat itself. I cannot do this i feel like killing myself i feel like an horrible person , i see no way out, i feel so under pressure, I’m losing it, I can’t anymore, I don’t know what to do.

 

[Ol argedco luciftias]

Live apart from them if that is a better place for you, but make time to still visit them often enough and try to improve the relationship. You could live in a better environment for yourself without being out of each other's lives.

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

Last summer i left my house because social services thought it would be better for me and i did want to leave. I didn’t miss my parents and due to their abusive words and actions towards me I thought only about my well being, i felt like I would have gone insane and killed myself if i stayed in that house any longer, but my parents were never actually bad people in fact they’re the most pure and kind hearted people I know. I’m sure that whatever they did was because of stress and the toxic environment they grew up in. I was worried about why I never missed them and even if i was really nervous when i met them last month after a really long time, felt like crying and was scared of how I would have handled my emotions, when i saw them, they burst into tears and I just felt numb and tried to comfort them. I really don’t know what to do, on one side the place where i am at, I’m happy but on the other they are my family, and I know they have understood that some things they did were wrong. I am from india so for example my father’s reputation is really important to us, and everyone is questioning him and me. I have done some things i regret and i know that if he found out he wouldn’t hate me but it would break him, i wish i thought about it before doing it, I’m so confused the thing that pains me the most is to see them suffering, everyone included me is making them suffer, my family back in India as well, they have always made them stressed and depressed. I feel like a loser honestly and i want to make them feel good but I don’t want to go back home , actually I don’t even know what i want but I’m scared that history will repeat itself. I cannot do this i feel like killing myself i feel like an horrible person , i see no way out, i feel so under pressure, I’m losing it, I can’t anymore, I don’t know what to do.

It is true that it often takes little to ruin our lives, but that does not mean we are our past. If the mistakes of your past are not affecting the present, don't go looking for them. You are a better person than you were before.

Don't look for a self that no longer exists in that way in a time that no longer exists. Our experiences are not always binary choices; we can devote time to both our own happiness and that of our parents. Cultivate both our relationship with them and with yourself.

Now you only have reason to finally enjoy life. Avoid throwing away your life and your chance to live this new life of yours in its joy and suffering. You deserve to finally have a good life of problems, joys, loves, desires and aspirations.