AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
I haven’t been meditating for over a year now. Before I stopped I had been meditating for some time, and during that time I used words of power/mantras way over my level, and with many repetitions, also did meditations over my level. Generally pushing the limits every time. I think this fried me and had severe consequences.
I don’t remember how I stopped, but afterwards weird things started to happen. Extreme swings of mood, feeling exhausted, time to time feeling extremely energetic out of nowhere, insomnia, and weird thoughts, and flashes of images. As time went on, I couldn’t eat because thoughts that in my food is blood, human flesh, excrement, and all kinds of filth. I would force myself to eat, telling myself is just food, but the thoughts were to strong, and I forced myself to vomit afterwards. I barely drink water, or none at all some days. I lost 6kgs in 3-4 weeks. I am morbidly afraid to go outside, even to a grocery store and I feel extremely uneasy all the time. I have a strong compulsion to get into drugs, especially psychedelics, or something that would knock me hard. Everything I do now is smoke cigarettes, and watch trash videos on youtube
Besides, I have weird thoughts in regards to spirituality and Gods, “leave The Gods, They didn’t help you, They just watched and laughed, They want you like this, They hate you”. Sometimes I would start shivering when thinking about Gods or spirituality, on the opposite side, thoughts about christianity being the answer, and things like that.
I realized recently, that I feel my chakras heavy, the chakras in my head burning. And I started thinking that I overcharged them, I was obsessed with the ideea of getting spiritual senses and pushed over the limits, and thought that might be the reason why I am going thru all this. To point out, I can’t say that I was extremely healthy before, but I was stable enough. I can say that I had adhd or ocd symptoms, and some affected my quality of life, but everything was manageable.
I have some questions:
First, some questions about the void moon. I wanted to get back into meditation, as soon as I stopped, but kept delaying at the same time I kept compulsively thinking about meditation and what I should do, and I can’t stop thinking about it. So ideas, and thoughts about starting meditating kept appearing during VoC, like “I want to do this” “I should do this” etc.
1.If you have thoughts about doing something during VoC, how would this affect the outcome?
2.If I came across or my mind spawns ideas, information, plans, during VoC, wouldn’t the VoC make them fail anyways?
3. Or If and Idea of starting something new, like raising plants or whatever, come in your mind during VoC, wouldn’t it destroy the posibility of doing it, or if you pursue, it would fail?
To give some examples, I bought some tools for metal work, and leather work, bought them during a day with no VoC, and I abandoned the idea, throw out the tools, because they are like cursed to fail, or make me fail if I use them, or if I use them, everything that I built with them would make me fail, all this simply because before buying them, I might planned to buy them, or thought about buying them during VoC. I bought some wood to build a cabinet, and again same story, bought everything I needed during a day with no VoC, out of nowhere a powerful thought that – I thought – about doing this cabinet, during a void moon, and abandoned everything. Most of the time my fears where right as I compulsively thought about doing things or how to do them during VoC. This affected mostly my wish to start meditating, as I think that, even the slightest though about meditation or spirituality in general that goes thru my mind during VoC, I can’t start as it will fail. Generally speaking, I think that every thought that I have during VoC, its destroyed, and nothing can come out of it
This is the biggest obstacle really, I don’t do anything because of this, hope these make sense. I know this might be hard to understand, but this kept me doing anything for the past year. I don’t know how to get around it, I tried sleeping over the VoC, but this is hard and made me have irregular sleep patterns. I abandoned everything I want to do because I thought that they would fail anyway.
Secondly, how do I heal the overcharging of my chakras. I extensively tried to empower my 7 th, 6 th, spiritual eyes and ears, as I wanted to get spiritual senses fast. I have a worry now that I would broke myself completely if I push myself even a little bit. I don’t know how to go about this situation, I still feel my chakras heavy, burning sensations time to time.
I’ve become extremely weak physically and mentally, I can’t concentrate more than 30-60 seconds due to short form content, constant headaches, my blood feel like it has dust in it, I feel very rough, I’ve started to notice blood in my vomit, and bowel movements recently. And it’s hard to make any step in any direction, I can’t put really a question here, but ask for general advice as I feel very lost. I'm hiding these symptoms from everyone around me, also due to a weird fear that I have in my mind, also it's very hard to explain all this. I can’t really search the forums or other sites for health information, because either I have no focus, and don’t really understand what I am reading, I get headaches, or I feel very uneasy, this mostly happens when I try to solve the problems I am facing.
I don’t remember how I stopped, but afterwards weird things started to happen. Extreme swings of mood, feeling exhausted, time to time feeling extremely energetic out of nowhere, insomnia, and weird thoughts, and flashes of images. As time went on, I couldn’t eat because thoughts that in my food is blood, human flesh, excrement, and all kinds of filth. I would force myself to eat, telling myself is just food, but the thoughts were to strong, and I forced myself to vomit afterwards. I barely drink water, or none at all some days. I lost 6kgs in 3-4 weeks. I am morbidly afraid to go outside, even to a grocery store and I feel extremely uneasy all the time. I have a strong compulsion to get into drugs, especially psychedelics, or something that would knock me hard. Everything I do now is smoke cigarettes, and watch trash videos on youtube
Besides, I have weird thoughts in regards to spirituality and Gods, “leave The Gods, They didn’t help you, They just watched and laughed, They want you like this, They hate you”. Sometimes I would start shivering when thinking about Gods or spirituality, on the opposite side, thoughts about christianity being the answer, and things like that.
I realized recently, that I feel my chakras heavy, the chakras in my head burning. And I started thinking that I overcharged them, I was obsessed with the ideea of getting spiritual senses and pushed over the limits, and thought that might be the reason why I am going thru all this. To point out, I can’t say that I was extremely healthy before, but I was stable enough. I can say that I had adhd or ocd symptoms, and some affected my quality of life, but everything was manageable.
I have some questions:
First, some questions about the void moon. I wanted to get back into meditation, as soon as I stopped, but kept delaying at the same time I kept compulsively thinking about meditation and what I should do, and I can’t stop thinking about it. So ideas, and thoughts about starting meditating kept appearing during VoC, like “I want to do this” “I should do this” etc.
1.If you have thoughts about doing something during VoC, how would this affect the outcome?
2.If I came across or my mind spawns ideas, information, plans, during VoC, wouldn’t the VoC make them fail anyways?
3. Or If and Idea of starting something new, like raising plants or whatever, come in your mind during VoC, wouldn’t it destroy the posibility of doing it, or if you pursue, it would fail?
To give some examples, I bought some tools for metal work, and leather work, bought them during a day with no VoC, and I abandoned the idea, throw out the tools, because they are like cursed to fail, or make me fail if I use them, or if I use them, everything that I built with them would make me fail, all this simply because before buying them, I might planned to buy them, or thought about buying them during VoC. I bought some wood to build a cabinet, and again same story, bought everything I needed during a day with no VoC, out of nowhere a powerful thought that – I thought – about doing this cabinet, during a void moon, and abandoned everything. Most of the time my fears where right as I compulsively thought about doing things or how to do them during VoC. This affected mostly my wish to start meditating, as I think that, even the slightest though about meditation or spirituality in general that goes thru my mind during VoC, I can’t start as it will fail. Generally speaking, I think that every thought that I have during VoC, its destroyed, and nothing can come out of it
This is the biggest obstacle really, I don’t do anything because of this, hope these make sense. I know this might be hard to understand, but this kept me doing anything for the past year. I don’t know how to get around it, I tried sleeping over the VoC, but this is hard and made me have irregular sleep patterns. I abandoned everything I want to do because I thought that they would fail anyway.
Secondly, how do I heal the overcharging of my chakras. I extensively tried to empower my 7 th, 6 th, spiritual eyes and ears, as I wanted to get spiritual senses fast. I have a worry now that I would broke myself completely if I push myself even a little bit. I don’t know how to go about this situation, I still feel my chakras heavy, burning sensations time to time.
I’ve become extremely weak physically and mentally, I can’t concentrate more than 30-60 seconds due to short form content, constant headaches, my blood feel like it has dust in it, I feel very rough, I’ve started to notice blood in my vomit, and bowel movements recently. And it’s hard to make any step in any direction, I can’t put really a question here, but ask for general advice as I feel very lost. I'm hiding these symptoms from everyone around me, also due to a weird fear that I have in my mind, also it's very hard to explain all this. I can’t really search the forums or other sites for health information, because either I have no focus, and don’t really understand what I am reading, I get headaches, or I feel very uneasy, this mostly happens when I try to solve the problems I am facing.
