AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
I have abilities to tap into myself and bring forth contact of powers unfamiliar to me. I have always stopped myself from some inner guilt or fear of the lake of fire. I had a vivid repeating dream throughout my childhood in which before I knew what Hell was I would fall from a great height falling. I would notice a great burning fire as I fell faster the fire would lick me and guide me into the middle of the heat and flames. I would splash through the fire and enter the water. It felt like an omen. I had this dream at my birthday on the 21st of December when I was three to four years old. It was profound and terrifying. Sorry for rambling but there is more to these occurrences than I have explained and with time I was not as scared as that first time. I was drawn to Satan due to the anger and severe abuse and physical birth defects. I was angry and no one seemed to care about the challenges I went through. Laveys Book... I think I bought it with my allowance before I had hit puberty. I am drawn to the darkness. Yet this fear of being separated from family and love with eternal torment getting in the way of ritual work gave me pause and I did not go past a threshold in which I could feel the presence and smell things and often hear the other side. A strong sense of Synethasia [seeing color in hearing sounds, especially with music} I am an artist writer and musician with a gift of creative empathic desire to create what is in my mind..
The All is here and all is now. I have this ability to be in that grand moment and it was from that Vivid dream of falling into the burning water that I could see aspects in between that others simply failed to notice. I have to control my urge to mentally think of enemies suffering and justice due to my rage inside me may cause such a... The lightning bolt and the INNER faith that I should not curse someone when I am emotionally affected. I vividly experienced childhood physical pain that I tap into. Sorry for explaining with little explanation.
So I am at an impasse. I know pain so well that I know that I do not want to experience eternity suffering in it. Half my family thinks I am Satan's spawn already. I want to be with my familial line even though they [Mother and deadbeat father] failed me when I was too young to even know I was surviving their failures.
So for Aeon's since Norway converted to Christianity My family went down this path. Now a thousand years or so later I am wanting better than The corrupted evilness of Monopolized Christianity.
Any one have advice on breaking through the spell of fear and distrust? You all say that Demons are benign but quite frankly they are sp much smarter and have lived through thousands and thousands of human generations. It just seems that I was alive that long and that powerful that I could talk any human into the fire. I have been betrayed in the past. I can not think at this moment just how gullible I may be. How did some of you work through these past familial incarnations of jesus saves? I guess part of this was just the need to vent and contribute to this forum that I have been soaking up. JOS is the perfect Satanic org. Of course you hate the jews! No one else dares say what you say! Growing up after WW2 and the constant political correctness that fact alone was a inner insight that gave me pause and respect for your fighting spirit. Seis Heil and HAIL Satan.
The All is here and all is now. I have this ability to be in that grand moment and it was from that Vivid dream of falling into the burning water that I could see aspects in between that others simply failed to notice. I have to control my urge to mentally think of enemies suffering and justice due to my rage inside me may cause such a... The lightning bolt and the INNER faith that I should not curse someone when I am emotionally affected. I vividly experienced childhood physical pain that I tap into. Sorry for explaining with little explanation.
So I am at an impasse. I know pain so well that I know that I do not want to experience eternity suffering in it. Half my family thinks I am Satan's spawn already. I want to be with my familial line even though they [Mother and deadbeat father] failed me when I was too young to even know I was surviving their failures.
So for Aeon's since Norway converted to Christianity My family went down this path. Now a thousand years or so later I am wanting better than The corrupted evilness of Monopolized Christianity.
Any one have advice on breaking through the spell of fear and distrust? You all say that Demons are benign but quite frankly they are sp much smarter and have lived through thousands and thousands of human generations. It just seems that I was alive that long and that powerful that I could talk any human into the fire. I have been betrayed in the past. I can not think at this moment just how gullible I may be. How did some of you work through these past familial incarnations of jesus saves? I guess part of this was just the need to vent and contribute to this forum that I have been soaking up. JOS is the perfect Satanic org. Of course you hate the jews! No one else dares say what you say! Growing up after WW2 and the constant political correctness that fact alone was a inner insight that gave me pause and respect for your fighting spirit. Seis Heil and HAIL Satan.
