AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
So I had a wonderful thing happen during the Osiris rituals and it was very profound. I had intense power after a couple ritual and it was honestly amazing but at the same time I feared it might have been soul burn out so not once but twice I asked for the energy to be taken away. First by a Demon and second, I'm not even sure why I called upon her, Maxine. I said "she'd always be there for her people" when I was feeling scared.
It was a great feeling and I actually loved it. It was blissful although it was intense giving I couldn't relax and I was worried I was gonna miss my squares due to randomly falling asleep at the wrong time. I loved the buzzing and when I closed my eyes I saw shifting moving clouds nonstop and I had an intelligence like I never have before. I just understood spiritual concepts so much easier and I loved every second of it.
Afterwards I haven't been able to trance after it though. I stopped all meditations afterwards until that feeling when totally away a day later and I even let the returning curses lapse a day because of it. I've returned to it but I started asking Lord Father Satan for protection via the prayer request. Before I was doing it myself and not even knowing there was a starter one for people who are new. I fought myself on doing new stuff feeling I was unworthy due to the dabbling and 'half' attempts I've had before.
My question is mulifolded, did I piss the Gods off by turning away from a gift? The buzzing and intensity started on the second which was a day for the unexpected. During it, the energy being reaped, I sorta fought having the energy being taken because I didn't really wanna give it up and I felt it leaving my hands and when I pressed together I felt this bubble/presence as I tried to close around in a hug: I was saying sorry the whole time and because I am sorta physically needy I did wanna hug someone at the time, did I piss the Gods/Father Satan/That Demon off for my action? And am I having a hard time tracing because I'm soul burned? I also didn't necessarily felt good about the energy being taken though. I didn't feel comfort or anything of the like and looking back on it just felt like a presence rather than a Demon but I asked for a Demon to take it. I've always heard their presence are soft warm and kind.
The last few times I did the Osiris ritual I felt my body shake around in a sort of rage as my Sacral Chakra was being touched. I know I've been molested/raped and my mind forgot. I've always had this sense of it and knew it to be true but felt no emotions over it. Later in my life I was outright raped although I consider it my fault for being a dumbass. It was also an interracial encounter. It was 'just' (as in if you jump off a bridge you get what happens because why the fuck did you jump) punishment for my foolishness of enjoying the fetish of being raped and also like interracial so I likely brought it on myself. Not to mention I choose to get drunk around someone I should not have.
The first times was from this jew catholic priest a parent of mind worked for. I say jew because I've a hunch and they had a ton of jewish bibles and stuff stowed away so at the very least he was a learned enemy andropod.
But yeah I feel a lot of intensity over this and I feel like I blew it. I had spend the last couple months pretty well off and I was even doing a solar square and a lunar square. I stopped both because I found that I wasn't trancing that well during them and I was worried that if I did I might get very intense soulburn. It was doing wonders for me even though neither were at an optimal time.
After the stopped I had a strange occurrence in which I was lamenting and my tv screen went bright green outta no where so I took that as a sign to do the Osiris ritual because such a thing has never happened before or since. I'm just really lost right now. Sorry for the rant if it comes off that way.
It was a great feeling and I actually loved it. It was blissful although it was intense giving I couldn't relax and I was worried I was gonna miss my squares due to randomly falling asleep at the wrong time. I loved the buzzing and when I closed my eyes I saw shifting moving clouds nonstop and I had an intelligence like I never have before. I just understood spiritual concepts so much easier and I loved every second of it.
Afterwards I haven't been able to trance after it though. I stopped all meditations afterwards until that feeling when totally away a day later and I even let the returning curses lapse a day because of it. I've returned to it but I started asking Lord Father Satan for protection via the prayer request. Before I was doing it myself and not even knowing there was a starter one for people who are new. I fought myself on doing new stuff feeling I was unworthy due to the dabbling and 'half' attempts I've had before.
My question is mulifolded, did I piss the Gods off by turning away from a gift? The buzzing and intensity started on the second which was a day for the unexpected. During it, the energy being reaped, I sorta fought having the energy being taken because I didn't really wanna give it up and I felt it leaving my hands and when I pressed together I felt this bubble/presence as I tried to close around in a hug: I was saying sorry the whole time and because I am sorta physically needy I did wanna hug someone at the time, did I piss the Gods/Father Satan/That Demon off for my action? And am I having a hard time tracing because I'm soul burned? I also didn't necessarily felt good about the energy being taken though. I didn't feel comfort or anything of the like and looking back on it just felt like a presence rather than a Demon but I asked for a Demon to take it. I've always heard their presence are soft warm and kind.
The last few times I did the Osiris ritual I felt my body shake around in a sort of rage as my Sacral Chakra was being touched. I know I've been molested/raped and my mind forgot. I've always had this sense of it and knew it to be true but felt no emotions over it. Later in my life I was outright raped although I consider it my fault for being a dumbass. It was also an interracial encounter. It was 'just' (as in if you jump off a bridge you get what happens because why the fuck did you jump) punishment for my foolishness of enjoying the fetish of being raped and also like interracial so I likely brought it on myself. Not to mention I choose to get drunk around someone I should not have.
The first times was from this jew catholic priest a parent of mind worked for. I say jew because I've a hunch and they had a ton of jewish bibles and stuff stowed away so at the very least he was a learned enemy andropod.
But yeah I feel a lot of intensity over this and I feel like I blew it. I had spend the last couple months pretty well off and I was even doing a solar square and a lunar square. I stopped both because I found that I wasn't trancing that well during them and I was worried that if I did I might get very intense soulburn. It was doing wonders for me even though neither were at an optimal time.
After the stopped I had a strange occurrence in which I was lamenting and my tv screen went bright green outta no where so I took that as a sign to do the Osiris ritual because such a thing has never happened before or since. I'm just really lost right now. Sorry for the rant if it comes off that way.
