#580 I have serious mental obstacles and I need help!

[AskSatanOperator]

I will try to give as much details as I can so we can hopefully make some sense from this.

The issue I need some help with is the excessive daydreaming and being a literal NPC throughout entirity of my day, unless sleeping, obviously....I cannot focus on something for more than 5 seconds before going back to NPC daydreaming mode!!
I will explain a bit more about it.
It all started few years ago, cannot give specific time as back then I wasn't paying too much attention to it and it literally stabbed me in the back.

As I moved alot during my childhood, I didn't have many friends so I don't know how it all started, but I started imagining myself around good friends and people. For some reason, it felt good, to let go of this world and just have my own imaginary one, so bit by bit, I started doing it more, like talking to random people, making up random stories, writing and doing my own music, whatever...
And not until last 2 years has it really gotten to the point where I can no longer control it, like I mentioned, it only takes me less than 5 seconds of either focusing, thinking, studying, WHATEVER REQUIRES ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR LONGER PERIODS OF TIME, and in my mind I am completely gone. It releases so much dopamine that it is difficult to snap back to present unless someone startles or slaps me. It's like, my vision gets slightly blurry, or like when you start seeing double, and in that moment I am gone. It happens literally, and I mean literally, throughout entirity of my day. I cannot sit and relax to let go of this state, I cannot do something else to not focus on this state. I have started to forget words and formulate sentences properly during communications and it just feels like I won't be able to think anymore.

And as I can already tell people will start commenting that I have to do void medition, like, how?.....
Like I said, my mind is insanely active and in less than 5 seconds of focusing, in this case, on nothing, my mind goes absolutely everywhere.
Not to mention constant overthinking, random thoughts, daydreaming, like, all the perfect ingredients to make a person lose his mind, literally.
I will add that I stress very easily, thanks to my stupidly easily sensitive body to all the noise around which makes me constantly hot inside my body, but if I start writing about that too, it will be a whole another rant.
So yes, I am getting to the point where soon I won't even be able to think properly (or that is already happening), but to the point where I will just totally lose my perception of what is real and what is not.
Even now, as I try to re-read my thread, as this is something that requires me to read and stay focused for longer period of time, it happens yet again when I get to the point of being npc and my brain releasing so much dopamine. It is just difficult to snap out of it..
This is by far, my biggest problem ever which I would love to clear as it is honestly messing up my work, studies, meditations, relationships, everything...
All this overthinking and active mind makes me so mentally drained all the time.

I do believe the freeing of soul would help on upcoming Samhain, but I don't know where to focus on the energies. I can't just focus on my mind, I want to target the core of the problem.

If it helps, my chart is dominated by fire element supported by air. I eat and sleep well, exercise ocasionally (not the greatest but I do move a lot during my day), don't smoke or even drink. So even if I have a healthy life, I still seem to have quite weak mental health.

 

[SeguaceDiSatanas]

excessive daydreaming and being a literal NPC throughout entirity of my day, unless sleeping, obviously....I cannot focus on something for more than 5 seconds before going back to NPC daydreaming mode!!

Have you tried this meditation yet?

Flame Meditation

Since your concentration duration is only 5 seconds, try to go VERY, VERY slowly. Instead of spending too many minutes meditating on the light of the candle flame, literally start with 6/7 seconds. Then go to 8/9, then 10. Also take a long time to improve, but go slowly. If you get distracted after five seconds, you can't expect to stay focused for entire minutes. Little by little.

It's just what I would do. There may be other methods, but if you get distracted after five seconds, you have probably never meditated and some things may be too advanced.

However, if you can read this text with which I am replying to you, if you were able to write such a long post, I don't think that hope is lost at all. So don't despair. Proceed in small steps.

 

[arem]

I will try to give as much details as I can so we can hopefully make some sense from this.

The issue I need some help with is the excessive daydreaming and being a literal NPC throughout entirity of my day, unless sleeping, obviously....I cannot focus on something for more than 5 seconds before going back to NPC daydreaming mode!!
I will explain a bit more about it.
It all started few years ago, cannot give specific time as back then I wasn't paying too much attention to it and it literally stabbed me in the back.

As I moved alot during my childhood, I didn't have many friends so I don't know how it all started, but I started imagining myself around good friends and people. For some reason, it felt good, to let go of this world and just have my own imaginary one, so bit by bit, I started doing it more, like talking to random people, making up random stories, writing and doing my own music, whatever...
And not until last 2 years has it really gotten to the point where I can no longer control it, like I mentioned, it only takes me less than 5 seconds of either focusing, thinking, studying, WHATEVER REQUIRES ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR LONGER PERIODS OF TIME, and in my mind I am completely gone. It releases so much dopamine that it is difficult to snap back to present unless someone startles or slaps me. It's like, my vision gets slightly blurry, or like when you start seeing double, and in that moment I am gone. It happens literally, and I mean literally, throughout entirity of my day. I cannot sit and relax to let go of this state, I cannot do something else to not focus on this state. I have started to forget words and formulate sentences properly during communications and it just feels like I won't be able to think anymore.

And as I can already tell people will start commenting that I have to do void medition, like, how?.....
Like I said, my mind is insanely active and in less than 5 seconds of focusing, in this case, on nothing, my mind goes absolutely everywhere.
Not to mention constant overthinking, random thoughts, daydreaming, like, all the perfect ingredients to make a person lose his mind, literally.
I will add that I stress very easily, thanks to my stupidly easily sensitive body to all the noise around which makes me constantly hot inside my body, but if I start writing about that too, it will be a whole another rant.
So yes, I am getting to the point where soon I won't even be able to think properly (or that is already happening), but to the point where I will just totally lose my perception of what is real and what is not.
Even now, as I try to re-read my thread, as this is something that requires me to read and stay focused for longer period of time, it happens yet again when I get to the point of being npc and my brain releasing so much dopamine. It is just difficult to snap out of it..
This is by far, my biggest problem ever which I would love to clear as it is honestly messing up my work, studies, meditations, relationships, everything...
All this overthinking and active mind makes me so mentally drained all the time.

I do believe the freeing of soul would help on upcoming Samhain, but I don't know where to focus on the energies. I can't just focus on my mind, I want to target the core of the problem.

If it helps, my chart is dominated by fire element supported by air. I eat and sleep well, exercise ocasionally (not the greatest but I do move a lot during my day), don't smoke or even drink. So even if I have a healthy life, I still seem to have quite weak mental health.

I'll tell you my own story with a similar issue first, just so you're fully aware you're not alone, nor are you weird, you just have a bit more to work on than some others might have to

i, much like you, am prone to daydreaming for hours and hours at a time. i had built 4 different separate universes, each with up to a few dozen characters, all having established relationships amongst each other, jobs, somewhat complete family trees, home and room interior, even powers. I've made a map ones that was large enough to cover a good chunk of my bedroom floor, just so i could have an entire world that makes sense. they all evolved over the years, characters changes, some places changed, long story short it got adapted to whatever purpose i needed it for.
its addicting, it feels good, freeing almost you're never bored, you can project all your wishes and problems onto a someone or something else. it feels freeing for some time, until it becomes a problem. I'd go to bed and not be able to sleep for hours because my mind was too active. I'd live through the lives of whichever made up person i felt like that day. I'd wake up and live through the day completely in my own head. I'd go to work and act as if i was walking on clouds. it starts to interfere with everything after a certain point.

i remember almost 2 years ago, i came across a post by HP HC that suggested to write down our problems, anything important enough, see how much is within our own control. then separate it into smaller ones, that are manageable (paraphrasing here, but the main point is the same)
i remember i wrote down like 5 major ones at the time, like school grades, self image issues, family relations and the major ones being my concentration and determination.
i did that again much later, and the only ones on the list that remained is my concentration and determination. i felt like i could not for the life of me stick to any meditation plan whatsoever. i would try and my mind would go gods know where. random images, thoughts, one after another. i could go a bit farther that what you describe but not by much.
i would do void and get angry at myself for not succeeding, every single time.

i then tried to imagine all of my stories, characters, everything and everyone and figure out what they represent for me. for example if you lived a troubled childhood you might've made up a parent figure that you either projected all negative feelings onto, or an extremely positive one, since you never had one. i thought of many of them, why they're there and i tried to erase them, one by one, thinking I'll deal with the issues separately. imagined them disappearing, turning into fog. it worked for a bit but not too long, its hard staying away from it. i was bored out of my mind. i also got myself attached to them and i legit cried for like half an hour, it felt like I'd cut of nearly all of my friends.
it's been a cycle for a LONG time. i tried to learn about it, maladaptive daydreaming is what its called. i read it often goes away on its own as we get older. it was somewhat comforting but i dont recommend waiting for a "it might happen on its own" as your main solution.

its only this week its gotten significantly better, in a way that makes a visible difference for me. i did astarte's power ritual and asked her for help afterwards. don't get me wrong i asked for help before, not from her yet, but i did. i dont think i was honest enough. i think i would've always said something like "i feel like i cannot stay on task" and things of that nature without addressing WHY. i told her what i told you, in a shorter version. along the lines of "ive built a universe inside my head and i want it to go away. i am so attached to them i feel like i am cutting of a piece of myself when i try to cut it off." i told her im asking her because at this point im ashamed to even talk about it. she always gave me the most compassionate and comfortable vibes and i felt safe to ask her. had it been someone else i might've hesitated a bit. not telling you you should do the same, the message im trying to convey is trust yourself a bit.

the past few days, and this morning i read out the prayer for azazel, "The Present" section in the ethics section also. its gotten better. the same day i felt a difference. its still there, but i dont feel like crying thinking about having to be present and here. i feel like i would be glad to finally get over it. its such a drastic difference, i cant describe to you how shocking it was realising it.
my mind is still not completely sharp. i still start thinking random thoughts, see random scenarios, and i have to shake it off as soon i realize. it will probably still take work.


the thing is, you cannot expect it to go away at once, and also don't be surprised if you fail many times. please do not hesitate for a moment to ask for help. from whoever you think can help you. it doesnt matter if you cant hear them, or feel it right away. they see you, they'll hear you.
take time and, as someone said long before me (i aware its been like a month since you asked but i figured id at least try to help) TAKE YOUR TIME. even if it takes months, its worth it. you'll feel the difference.

in the meantime, if you cant escape your thoughts, write them down. write them ALL down. doesn't matter how many. if you can shake them off, try to be aware of them. try not to let them dissipate into nothing and get replaced immediately. if you cant do void, address the thoughts. and take your time

 

[Power of Justice [JG]]

You need to do grounding meditations. Trance, void meditation, earth invocation if you can, etc.

 

[Raseri]

I've had the same issue where your mind can be out of control and have constant maladaptive daydreaming. The Isa Rune can help with grounding and controlling your mind. A lot of people shy away from using because its commonly used in bindings and curses, but the positive aspects can help you ground your mind and stop all the daydreaming and focusing issues.

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

In addition to all previous valuable advices, I can add that excess of electronic use (like multi-tasking, being extensively on social media, excess of inputs from electronic device) may lead to lack of focus. As the mind is trained to receive multiple inputs in a few seconds, rather than a long single input to focus on.
Second, a good book I read suggested grounding techniques, when you feel overwhelmed by thoughts, you can "body scan" starting from the head to toes, to check all your body functions; also you can look around you and find 5 objects you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can smell, 2 you can taste... so on.
Those are very apparently stupid exercises but they help to focus better. Of course meditation, void meditation and so on, are much better but sometimes I have the same problem and the mind wanders instead of meditating correctly. More practical stuff may help too, sometimes.