All my life I have feared death especially as a pathetic lost xian for I feared "oh if I die I will suffer in hell."But of course through study I have learned that was a load of bullshit, but I have noticed ever since my leaving of the xian lies that my fear of death is decreasing fast.  I know...

I am trying to keep up with the meditations but for me I feel as though there is something blocking me from the knowledge I so seek and need.  I need a proper teacher I do.Is there anywhere in the world I can go and learn the things I need?  A place where it is filled with Satan's glorious...

I may just be being dramatic here or just depressed but why does Father want me I am nobody but a kid trying to find himself on Earth living a meaningless existence.  I feel that I am not wanted anywhere.somebody help me please Hail Father

How do I know if the initiation worked or not and will Satan or one of His demons ever speak to me to let me know???

I am apart of the other group "Teens For Satan" but I need any help possible ASAP because I am just afraid without Him with me and I need to learn how to praise Him how to speak to Him.  I have read in some places that if I am only 17 rather than 18 I am not able to make this connection yet but...