Smaller Saturn return?

[DarkAries]

Saturn has given a pretty rough transit for one and a half months now. Good news, only a few days left from it, but its effect match pretty closely to a Saturn return. Is it? Because this period is devastating, horribly. Feels like I lost everything from my oast and have nothing for the future, no matter what I do, or how much I train myself. Im at the point that a small bad news push me to the ground. If saturn have a lesson for me, its that I was delusional and in fact, I am barely nothig. No friends, no loved ones, no strength, no hope, no power, no life. Just a 'bit above avarge' pawn, and never more. Or even less. Its highly unlikely I ever get a relationship, not even a child. I would just make more diabetic and pessimistic, so it might be better like that.
And sorry for ranting. Its just way, way too much. And even if it means I just didnt had strong enough aop and high enough energy level... then the last decade of routhless trainig was for nothing I guess.

 

[DarkAries]

I have never felt so isolated. That I dont have a future, or any reason to go forth

 

[DarkAries]

And since it entered just not long ago, I only have about 11 more months to go. Gods, I honestly dont know if I can endure it. Its a smaller miracle I could endure so far

 

[Satan golden red ninja666]

Just stay strong
You shall make it
Keep your energies high
By doing yoga and breathing exercises
Clean your aura on overtime
Everything shall workout for the best for you

 

[Satan golden red ninja666]

Please keep your birthchart information a complete secret only to be known by
For your own safety
I have done that mistake before but now I regret saying anything because you can trust anyone
Best of abundant luck for you

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I have never felt so isolated. That I dont have a future, or any reason to go forth

I remember a similar Saturn transit. Lost friends, felt “blocked” regarding my goals.

I am also having a very tough transit to a house that means a lot to me.

I figured the secret to all this out. Basically keep your energies high and you will not only survive, you’ll thrive.

Stick with meditations, hatha yoga, and kundalini yoga was a gift too. (The gym if you can also is so powerful) Daily and with presence, no excuses, life and Saturn do not care if you’re tired or depressed, lonely, you do this and you come out unscathed and you come out on top at the end of it too.

Bit by bit the situation resolves, yesterday I just got something that I couldn’t before due to my “Saturn transit” after a hatha yoga session, it came out of nowhere and with no effort from me despite me trying desperately to get it before. And I have been back on the path for only a couple of weeks.

Work on the world of the inner and the world of the outer falls into place.

The worst you can do is try to waste time, or escapism until the transit passes, the transit is there to teach you something if you escape the lesson you’ll keep suffering Saturn will make sure of it. If you learn, earn, and win, Saturn rewards your discipline and strength with what you want but also in a concrete way.

 

[DarkAries]

Please keep your birthchart information a complete secret only to be known by
For your own safety
I have done that mistake before but now I regret saying anything because you can trust anyone

Best of abundant luck for you

Yeah, and I shared a lot less than I would have wanted to. Sadly, Im not that good at astrology, only started to learn it properly a few years ago, and I have very minimal experiences. And this transit I have now, is shit.

 

[DarkAries]

I am also having a very tough transit to a house that means a lot to me.

I figured the secret to all this out. Basically keep your energies high and you will not only survive, you’ll thrive.

Stick with meditations, hatha yoga, and kundalini yoga was a gift too. (The gym if you can also is so powerful) Daily and with presence, no excuses, life and Saturn do not care if you’re tired or depressed, lonely, you do this and you come out unscathed and you come out on top at the end of it too.

Bit by bit the situation resolves, yesterday I just got something that I couldn’t before due to my “Saturn transit” after a hatha yoga session, it came out of nowhere and with no effort from me despite me trying desperately to get it before. And I have been back on the path for only a couple of weeks.

Work on the world of the inner and the world of the outer falls into place.

The worst you can do is try to waste time, or escapism until the transit passes, the transit is there to teach you something if you escape the lesson you’ll keep suffering Saturn will make sure of it. If you learn, earn, and win, Saturn rewards your discipline and strength with what you want but also in a concrete way.

Problem is, I stressed out myself really badly for doing too much, and these times I kept myself lower. I cutted back my meditations to a lot lighter routine, so my body wont break into it and I wont get overstressed(at least from that). Its almost over, and I already did a lot of yoga, gym and meditations, if we dont compare to how much I meditated before.

It feels like I broke my inner world as well, to almost nothing. And it literally almost killed me, at the worst I planned out to how to end my own life, and things wasnt much better after that either. And these times I just realised how many thigs I lost. Even with all the yoga, all that I do, all that I aim to be better and strong enough for it... Im not. If it has a lesson, Im afraid its that. So far, sadly, I dont feel I got any from this nightmarish time.

 

[DarkAries]

I am also having a very tough transit to a house that means a lot to me.

I figured the secret to all this out. Basically keep your energies high and you will not only survive, you’ll thrive.

Stick with meditations, hatha yoga, and kundalini yoga was a gift too. (The gym if you can also is so powerful) Daily and with presence, no excuses, life and Saturn do not care if you’re tired or depressed, lonely, you do this and you come out unscathed and you come out on top at the end of it too.

Bit by bit the situation resolves, yesterday I just got something that I couldn’t before due to my “Saturn transit” after a hatha yoga session, it came out of nowhere and with no effort from me despite me trying desperately to get it before. And I have been back on the path for only a couple of weeks.

Work on the world of the inner and the world of the outer falls into place.

The worst you can do is try to waste time, or escapism until the transit passes, the transit is there to teach you something if you escape the lesson you’ll keep suffering Saturn will make sure of it. If you learn, earn, and win, Saturn rewards your discipline and strength with what you want but also in a concrete way.

Highly unlucky for me, I was hyper disciolined for two months, with a bullet journal and advanced rapidly, making 10-20 things daily for every day. I got burnout and had enough from all just a few weeks before saturn started, so it all went withkut a bigger routine. Guess Im just fucked

 

[DarkAries]

Just stay strong
You shall make it
Keep your energies high
By doing yoga and breathing exercises
Clean your aura on overtime
Everything shall workout for the best for you

I try to believe it. But, loosing my dearest friend to cancer, loosing loves, loosing almost all ambition for the jobbI study for five years now, getting diabetes with very severe side effects if I dont follow a cruel routine... I try to look like that its the best for me. But if its, I dint want to know what the worst is.

 

[Satan golden red ninja666]

Yeah, and I shared a lot less than I would have wanted to. Sadly, Im not that good at astrology, only started to learn it properly a few years ago, and I have very minimal experiences. And this transit I have now, is shit.

I know very little about astrology
Am sure you understand more than me

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Problem is, I stressed out myself really badly for doing too much, and these times I kept myself lower. I cutted back my meditations to a lot lighter routine, so my body wont break into it and I wont get overstressed(at least from that). Its almost over, and I already did a lot of yoga, gym and meditations, if we dont compare to how much I meditated before.

It feels like I broke my inner world as well, to almost nothing. And it literally almost killed me, at the worst I planned out to how to end my own life, and things wasnt much better after that either. And these times I just realised how many thigs I lost. Even with all the yoga, all that I do, all that I aim to be better and strong enough for it... Im not. If it has a lesson, Im afraid its that. So far, sadly, I dont feel I got any from this nightmarish time.

Just try to be more positive and try not to dwell on negative feelings, suicidal ideation, etc. You attract what you dwell on.

Cliche I know, trust me I know where you’re coming from. I was suicidal as well like a week ago. All it takes is a mindset shift.

Write it all down, feel your feelings then let them go, don’t live in them.

Do stuff that makes you happy for a bit and don’t focus much on the darkness of it all.

Also, trust in the Gods, they are there when you let them in, you let them in by opening yourself up to them (with Astarte’s 8-fold path) and their wisdom and ethics.

Then you start again, step by step, and don’t care if you fall. Why do we fall? So you can rise up again.

You’re a child of the most bright Gods and Goddesses you’re destined for so much even if you can’t see it right now, it unravels with time. So keep at it and do what you have to do.

Also take it easy, sometimes what it takes to fix your life is the 10% better every day you don’t have to do grand routines from the get go.

I have slacked off so much as well and treated myself with no self care.

When I returned I just decided I will do only meditations in the morning, cleaning, protection, nothing crazy and then I can do whatever the rest of the day, this catapulted day by day into an avalanche of other positive habits and practices and then I’m nearing my prime again.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I try to believe it. But, loosing my dearest friend to cancer, loosing loves, loosing almost all ambition for the jobbI study for five years now, getting diabetes with very severe side effects if I dont follow a cruel routine... I try to look like that its the best for me. But if its, I dint want to know what the worst is.

It’s okay to grieve these are heavy life events.

But what you do with them are what matters.

 

[Satan golden red ninja666]

I try to believe it. But, loosing my dearest friend to cancer, loosing loves, loosing almost all ambition for the jobbI study for five years now, getting diabetes with very severe side effects if I dont follow a cruel routine... I try to look like that its the best for me. But if its, I dint want to know what the worst is.

These feelings come and go I experience these very often sometimes i wonder when it will end and sometimes am convinced it remain that way
but one cannot simply give up
Am being Hypocritecal right now
But we should keep moving forward no Matter the circumstances
The sun will rise regardless of how we feel or what is going on in our lives
Things move on
So should we

 

[DarkAries]

Just try to be more positive and try not to dwell on negative feelings, suicidal ideation, etc. You attract what you dwell on.

Cliche I know, trust me I know where you’re coming from. I was suicidal as well like a week ago. All it takes is a mindset shift.

Write it all down, feel your feelings then let them go, don’t live in them.

Do stuff that makes you happy for a bit and don’t focus much on the darkness of it all.

Also, trust in the Gods, they are there when you let them in, you let them in by opening yourself up to them (with Astarte’s 8-fold path) and their wisdom and ethics.

Then you start again, step by step, and don’t care if you fall. Why do we fall? So you can rise up again.

You’re a child of the most bright Gods and Goddesses you’re destined for so much even if you can’t see it right now, it unravels with time. So keep at it and do what you have to do.

Also take it easy, sometimes what it takes to fix your life is the 10% better every day you don’t have to do grand routines from the get go.

I have slacked off so much as well and treated myself with no self care.

When I returned I just decided I will do only meditations in the morning, cleaning, protection, nothing crazy and then I can do whatever the rest of the day, this catapulted day by day into an avalanche of other positive habits and practices and then I’m nearing my prime again.

I know, but it seemed like it only worked on negative things, and didnt matter how much I tell myself 'it can get better', I feel like a stupid kid who touch the hot oven, even after burning his hand a dosen times.

I tought for a long time I destined to achive greatness. Then diabetes. Then my friend died. And I dont see the reasons for them. Life just not go as I planned, not by a single bit, and Im way, way too tired already.

I hated myself so much, that it would have been lethal to someone else. At least I treated that out, but if there wouldnt be saturn transit, I wouldnt have selfhate

But yes, focusing on the bright side, this horrible transit wont take long. Saturn will stay in this house for a while yet, but the transit cause most of its problem. At least after it I can continue advancing, but Im still ashamed how I stagnated during this. I could have done more.

And speaking of doing somethig fun... well, I dont have any, or at least barely anything remained. After more than a month, happiness is just a memory.

 

[DarkAries]

I know, but it seemed like it only worked on negative things, and didnt matter how much I tell myself 'it can get better', I feel like a stupid kid who touch the hot oven, even after burning his hand a dosen times.

I tought for a long time I destined to achive greatness. Then diabetes. Then my friend died. And I dont see the reasons for them. Life just not go as I planned, not by a single bit, and Im way, way too tired already.

I hated myself so much, that it would have been lethal to someone else. At least I treated that out, but if there wouldnt be saturn transit, I wouldnt have selfhate

But yes, focusing on the bright side, this horrible transit wont take long. Saturn will stay in this house for a while yet, but the transit cause most of its problem. At least after it I can continue advancing, but Im still ashamed how I stagnated during this. I could have done more.

And speaking of doing somethig fun... well, I dont have any, or at least barely anything remained. After more than a month, happiness is just a memory.

Im not proud of it, but my only happiness for really, really dark times was porn. And after the near-death lowpoints was gone I get off from it again, and no happiness since. That was also a really shitty halpiness, but still. Gaming, reading, creativity and art, petting dog, yoga, gym, breath exercises, old damn lego toys, nothing. Sometimes a smile on stupid jokes, maybe once a week, and thats basically all.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Im not proud of it, but my only happiness for really, really dark times was porn. And after the near-death lowpoints was gone I get off from it again, and no happiness since. That was also a really shitty halpiness, but still. Gaming, reading, creativity and art, petting dog, yoga, gym, breath exercises, old damn lego toys, nothing. Sometimes a smile on stupid jokes, maybe once a week, and thats basically all.

I’m sorry you’re going through all this.

I understand in a way btw. It’s tough and bleak is how it feels sometimes.

If we can’t do anything anymore, we can just do our meditations, yoga, and God rituals. Start with the schedule, and talk with father Satan or write on a paper to him if you can.

If you can’t be happy at the moment, just do these, but take them easy they are not in your life to overcompensate with the darkness of life and don’t do them to “fix” things.

I’m going through a tough time as well, mental health issues, bad break up, (with an SS I loved completely and was going to marry so all dreams and special moments just went down the drain so rapidly and somehow I’m left to feel like its all my fault and it kills me sometimes), I still haven’t succeeded materially yet obv I’m dead broke, I feel lost often too sometimes.

Sometimes I think I got it then I lost it again. All I can do at the moment is what I can do to the Gods and my spiritual well being, at least. It takes discipline too and sometimes you feel too tired and dark to have discipline, so it’s hard work but it’s worth it.

At least that’s what I can do right now, what can you do right now? You’re not dead and you have time and you’re breathing, nothing makes you happy so what can be done? The bare minimum of spirituality would suffice, and somehow it resolves things on its own.

Then you can look for your health as well, and the diabetes. Who knows maybe one day you have the power to cure the diabetes or make it as if its not there, either spiritually or physically, don’t give in just yet.

I’m sorry you lost your friend, do a ritual to Anubis to ease his/her passing.

 

[tandt]

I remember a similar Saturn transit. Lost friends, felt “blocked” regarding my goals.

I am also having a very tough transit to a house that means a lot to me.

I figured the secret to all this out. Basically keep your energies high and you will not only survive, you’ll thrive.

Stick with meditations, hatha yoga, and kundalini yoga was a gift too. (The gym if you can also is so powerful) Daily and with presence, no excuses, life and Saturn do not care if you’re tired or depressed, lonely, you do this and you come out unscathed and you come out on top at the end of it too.

Bit by bit the situation resolves, yesterday I just got something that I couldn’t before due to my “Saturn transit” after a hatha yoga session, it came out of nowhere and with no effort from me despite me trying desperately to get it before. And I have been back on the path for only a couple of weeks.

Work on the world of the inner and the world of the outer falls into place.

The worst you can do is try to waste time, or escapism until the transit passes, the transit is there to teach you something if you escape the lesson you’ll keep suffering Saturn will make sure of it. If you learn, earn, and win, Saturn rewards your discipline and strength with what you want but also in a concrete way.

A very good and helpful reply, thank you brother

 

[DarkAries]

I’m sorry you’re going through all this.

I understand in a way btw. It’s tough and bleak is how it feels sometimes.

If we can’t do anything anymore, we can just do our meditations, yoga, and God rituals. Start with the schedule, and talk with father Satan or write on a paper to him if you can.

If you can’t be happy at the moment, just do these, but take them easy they are not in your life to overcompensate with the darkness of life and don’t do them to “fix” things.

I’m going through a tough time as well, mental health issues, bad break up, (with an SS I loved completely and was going to marry so all dreams and special moments just went down the drain so rapidly and somehow I’m left to feel like its all my fault and it kills me sometimes), I still haven’t succeeded materially yet obv I’m dead broke, I feel lost often too sometimes.

Sometimes I think I got it then I lost it again. All I can do at the moment is what I can do to the Gods and my spiritual well being, at least. It takes discipline too and sometimes you feel too tired and dark to have discipline, so it’s hard work but it’s worth it.

At least that’s what I can do right now, what can you do right now? You’re not dead and you have time and you’re breathing, nothing makes you happy so what can be done? The bare minimum of spirituality would suffice, and somehow it resolves things on its own.

Then you can look for your health as well, and the diabetes. Who knows maybe one day you have the power to cure the diabetes or make it as if its not there, either spiritually or physically, don’t give in just yet.

I’m sorry you lost your friend, do a ritual to Anubis to ease his/her passing.

I wrote that a bit more details here if youre interested:

A little memorial

First off all, I truly sorry if its off topic. I just really want to get this off from my chest. So, way back then I bad the stupid idea, to teach others on discord. It was a big failure of course, and soon it all crumbled to nothing, but I found a young man there who was around the same age as...

ancient-forums.com

This whole period just makes me so bitter. That I no longer see my own life as a heroic epic, rather a tragedy. The hero of it will fail, no matter how long it took. Just as I will die, sooner or later. Or even if I not, Ill never be as great as I dreamed of. This period gifted me with cruel realism. That I barely matter. The Gods have tausends, millions more childrens, why would they care with especially me, and not someone else who can be perfect? I had those hopes to cure diabetes, achive increadible highness, and even get a step closer to godhood. Afterall I joined in a very young age, I have more than half century of training or even more. But now... best I could hope is to be barely above avarge. Barely human, kr maybe just a human. I saw myself something with a godlike fire inside and now its just a tiny spark. Sure, a spark that never dies out, but it wont make a fire. Not in this life. Not in this century. And its much to bear

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I wrote that a bit more details here if youre interested:

A little memorial

First off all, I truly sorry if its off topic. I just really want to get this off from my chest. So, way back then I bad the stupid idea, to teach others on discord. It was a big failure of course, and soon it all crumbled to nothing, but I found a young man there who was around the same age as...

ancient-forums.com

This whole period just makes me so bitter. That I no longer see my own life as a heroic epic, rather a tragedy. The hero of it will fail, no matter how long it took. Just as I will die, sooner or later. Or even if I not, Ill never be as great as I dreamed of. This period gifted me with cruel realism. That I barely matter. The Gods have tausends, millions more childrens, why would they care with especially me, and not someone else who can be perfect? I had those hopes to cure diabetes, achive increadible highness, and even get a step closer to godhood. Afterall I joined in a very young age, I have more than half century of training or even more. But now... best I could hope is to be barely above avarge. Barely human, kr maybe just a human. I saw myself something with a godlike fire inside and now its just a tiny spark. Sure, a spark that never dies out, but it wont make a fire. Not in this life. Not in this century. And its much to bear

I get where you’re coming from, I had the exact same feelings recently for the longest time, like I’m wasted potential. This is the darkness speaking, when you see the light again and invite it into your life it gets better bit by bit till you’re free of this mindset that limits you.

Remember, reality is what you make out of it. In a sadomasochistic way Saturn can give you this bleak and dark world view and disguise it as “responsibility”, “realism”, “maturity”.

Invite the Sun back into your life use White-Gold light on you daily, bit by bit you see the Gold all around you, how can you invite spiritual Gold, light, feel limitless, brilliant, cleansed when a moment before you were depressed and dark and still think the world is not yours for the taking?

You have the powers of magick and alchemy and you learn from the Gods as well to become like them, not just to rely on them like a co-dependent baby who’s disabled, YOU can do stuff.

Alchemy is turning Lead into Gold, life’s has thrown you tons of lead that it’s suffocating, gray, and dark. It’s time to turn it into Gold and be brilliant like the Gods, don’t give in to Saturn, conquer it instead like father Zeus conquered the titan Kronos!

You can, and believe it, it all starts with you. If you don’t believe in yourself anymore, in the person you want to be, how can anyone help you? Not even the Gods can save someone from themselves. So save yourself instead.

Also, saying the Gods have thousands/millions is such BS you’re telling yourself we’re like 0.00001% of the 8 billions of human population, we’re chosen and elite, you’re here for a reason, in the Joy of Satan/Temple of Zeus, you don’t only worship the Gods either like the pagans, you’re in direct contact with them, you know their secret verses, phone numbers (sigils), Rituals, magick, meditation, yoga, millions of sermons by real clergy of the Gods. Don’t BS yourself.

Get on the path again, and you’ll see for yourself how you were able to overcome it all. I was in your same place, I took a decision that fuck this, I deserve to be great, I deserve to be the best, I deserve to love myself, and I deserve to be in the image of the Gods, yes I joined young and wasted years, but who cares I can try again, and for sure I will and this time I’ll succeed, and if I fall again, I’ll rise again, it’s hard but we’re SS and that’s what we do, that’s who we are.

 

[MarsUltor666]

My goodness.

I have been feeling similar, myself. Depressed, like there's no hope, lonely, etc.

But you know, I am also going through a similar transit, as it happens.

With this said, despite my suffering, I am somewhat fascinated, lol. Because I was wondering if Saturn has anything to do with the way I'm feeling right now, and it seems that it probably is, and I'm not the only one.

Well, I have to of course say that I am sorry to hear the problems others are going through. I said to myself this morning that I almost feel like the Gods aren't there anymore for me, but I heard somebody say "we are". So there is a reminder, that They are always with us, no matter how bad.

It kinda sucks for me right now, with the Venus retrograde in addition. But we must pull through this, and emerge even better and stronger than we ever were before. Brother MercuryWisdom has given some wonderful advice, here.

 

[DarkAries]

I get where you’re coming from, I had the exact same feelings recently for the longest time, like I’m wasted potential. This is the darkness speaking, when you see the light again and invite it into your life it gets better bit by bit till you’re free of this mindset that limits you.

Remember, reality is what you make out of it. In a sadomasochistic way Saturn can give you this bleak and dark world view and disguise it as “responsibility”, “realism”, “maturity”.

Invite the Sun back into your life use White-Gold light on you daily, bit by bit you see the Gold all around you, how can you invite spiritual Gold, light, feel limitless, brilliant, cleansed when a moment before you were depressed and dark and still think the world is not yours for the taking?

You have the powers of magick and alchemy and you learn from the Gods as well to become like them, not just to rely on them like a co-dependent baby who’s disabled, YOU can do stuff.

Alchemy is turning Lead into Gold, life’s has thrown you tons of lead that it’s suffocating, gray, and dark. It’s time to turn it into Gold and be brilliant like the Gods, don’t give in to Saturn, conquer it instead like father Zeus conquered the titan Kronos!

You can, and believe it, it all starts with you. If you don’t believe in yourself anymore, in the person you want to be, how can anyone help you? Not even the Gods can save someone from themselves. So save yourself instead.

Also, saying the Gods have thousands/millions is such BS you’re telling yourself we’re like 0.00001% of the 8 billions of human population, we’re chosen and elite, you’re here for a reason, in the Joy of Satan/Temple of Zeus, you don’t only worship the Gods either like the pagans, you’re in direct contact with them, you know their secret verses, phone numbers (sigils), Rituals, magick, meditation, yoga, millions of sermons by real clergy of the Gods. Don’t BS yourself.

Get on the path again, and you’ll see for yourself how you were able to overcome it all. I was in your same place, I took a decision that fuck this, I deserve to be great, I deserve to be the best, I deserve to love myself, and I deserve to be in the image of the Gods, yes I joined young and wasted years, but who cares I can try again, and for sure I will and this time I’ll succeed, and if I fall again, I’ll rise again, it’s hard but we’re SS and that’s what we do, that’s who we are.

Yes.
You cant save someone who dont want to be saved - I learned that on my friends death. A cruel lesson he left me with, but cruel lessons stays the longest.
Ill just keep up, since not much more to go now. I would be even ahsamed just writing down how much time of this painful transit remained, since I could have just waited it out. Im making a few plans to get better once its done, after that Im sure I could see it in a much more positive way. Afterall, it seems this transit took away a habit from me, one particually bad habit, which I fighted against for so, so damn long. Its too early to say for sure, but it seems promising so far.
And it took away illusions as well. Thats very painful, since I saw myself as something smaller, something weaker what I imagined. But also, something real. That what I achived is true, and truly mine. And maybe my old ideal had to die out. That old ideal I made, of what I want to be seems too stranger now. It was something like an old and all powerful hermit living in the forest and meditating half days. A rather shallow ideal I had.
This also forced me to a much slower, much more mindful way of taking life and advancing. Guess I can no longer can be called impatient, wich I heard as long as I can remember. Its a lot less exciting, doesnt feel as powerful, but this will be the way.

 

[DarkAries]

Yes.
You cant save someone who dont want to be saved - I learned that on my friends death. A cruel lesson he left me with, but cruel lessons stays the longest.
Ill just keep up, since not much more to go now. I would be even ahsamed just writing down how much time of this painful transit remained, since I could have just waited it out. Im making a few plans to get better once its done, after that Im sure I could see it in a much more positive way. Afterall, it seems this transit took away a habit from me, one particually bad habit, which I fighted against for so, so damn long. Its too early to say for sure, but it seems promising so far.
And it took away illusions as well. Thats very painful, since I saw myself as something smaller, something weaker what I imagined. But also, something real. That what I achived is true, and truly mine. And maybe my old ideal had to die out. That old ideal I made, of what I want to be seems too stranger now. It was something like an old and all powerful hermit living in the forest and meditating half days. A rather shallow ideal I had.
This also forced me to a much slower, much more mindful way of taking life and advancing. Guess I can no longer can be called impatient, wich I heard as long as I can remember. Its a lot less exciting, doesnt feel as powerful, but this will be the way.

This whole time have a strong feeling to the tower card. In fact, in the past few years I had different events, all following the cards of the great arcanum. And now comes the stars, seems fitting to me. After that, the Sun, when I can rebuild myself from the ruins. Because of what remained from this dark time, what it couldnt destroy, is unbreakable

 

[DarkAries]

I got the result, and since I got diagnosed my pancreas insuline production decreased by 60 percent. Just as it medically should. There is barely any chance of this ever getting healed. Its a fitting end for this transit

 

[DarkAries]

I got the result, and since I got diagnosed my pancreas insuline production decreased by 60 percent. Just as it medically should. There is barely any chance of this ever getting healed. Its a fitting end for this transit

In other words, my past two years of nearly endless workings to heal dibetes did basically nothing.

 

[AFODO]

Are you in your Saturn return? If I'm not wrong the effects of it can be felt from 27 to 31 years old. I think the Meditations book from Marcus Aurelius has many thoughts that is related to your problems, perhaps read it or read it again if you have already.

All in all it looks like you are doing very well actually, you are reflecting on your situation, trying to learn something from it, but ultimately you have to focus on the now, as Marcus Aurelius says many times, and move on, especially when you are over with these transits.

 

[DarkAries]

In other words, my past two years of nearly endless workings to heal dibetes did basically nothing.

And I likely never be healthy again

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Yes.
You cant save someone who dont want to be saved - I learned that on my friends death. A cruel lesson he left me with, but cruel lessons stays the longest.
Ill just keep up, since not much more to go now. I would be even ahsamed just writing down how much time of this painful transit remained, since I could have just waited it out. Im making a few plans to get better once its done, after that Im sure I could see it in a much more positive way. Afterall, it seems this transit took away a habit from me, one particually bad habit, which I fighted against for so, so damn long. Its too early to say for sure, but it seems promising so far.
And it took away illusions as well. Thats very painful, since I saw myself as something smaller, something weaker what I imagined. But also, something real. That what I achived is true, and truly mine. And maybe my old ideal had to die out. That old ideal I made, of what I want to be seems too stranger now. It was something like an old and all powerful hermit living in the forest and meditating half days. A rather shallow ideal I had.
This also forced me to a much slower, much more mindful way of taking life and advancing. Guess I can no longer can be called impatient, wich I heard as long as I can remember. Its a lot less exciting, doesnt feel as powerful, but this will be the way.

Saturn’s lessons are appreciated after time, and after the dark days are over, they shape you and discipline you so you can build something concrete, not just fantasy.

It’s tough as fuck and I fucking hate it, I’m going through it as well, I lost all my dreams and a girl and stuff I wished for and dreamed of, only to be raped with reality, amd get back to the vision board and learn that I still need to be alone, even if I want her and miss her and I want our dreams together and I want it now! I don’t want to wait, I can’t wait, it hurts to wait.

But then reality fucking hits, and what can you do? Only what you can, your best and I just leave the rest to the Gods, it hurts and it broke me, I always end up like this, but this one is worst I got everything I wanted and then got separated from it in the worst possible way, the girl who said she wants me, told me to never leave her, to marry her, and we named our child together, and imagined our home together, meditating together, grow old together, last message I got from her that she never wants to know me again and I should never contact her again…

Then I go to the vision board and try again, what else can I do?

 

[MercuryWisdom]

This whole time have a strong feeling to the tower card. In fact, in the past few years I had different events, all following the cards of the great arcanum. And now comes the stars, seems fitting to me. After that, the Sun, when I can rebuild myself from the ruins. Because of what remained from this dark time, what it couldnt destroy, is unbreakable

I once got The Star card when I felt similar feelings to you and everything breaking down, was really just dying honestly. It was when I asked my Guardian Goddess Astarte for a reading and vented and pulled one card it was The Star it clicked and felt healing, also The Star is symbolic of Astarte (A Star).

Another quote I’ve learned from Astarte about tough times.
Per Aspera ad Astra. Search it up.

Best of luck to you.

 

[DarkAries]

Are you in your Saturn return? If I'm not wrong the effects of it can be felt from 27 to 31 years old. I think the Meditations book from Marcus Aurelius has many thoughts that is related to your problems, perhaps read it or read it again if you have already.

All in all it looks like you are doing very well actually, you are reflecting on your situation, trying to learn something from it, but ultimately you have to focus on the now, as Marcus Aurelius says many times, and move on, especially when you are over with these transits.

Not yet, its just a saturn transit with one of my natal planet(dont know if I should or should share that). It should end soon, yet it devastating.
And yeah, I dont just have it but read it through so many times the book looks ancient and almost falling apart. But I like Nietzsche more

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

And I likely never be healthy again

In other words, my past two years of nearly endless workings to heal dibetes did basically nothing.

These are not necessarily true. Fated or elementally-likely illnesses can take time to fully resolve, because you are trying to create a state within yourself where the symptoms do not persist on a daily basis, including under stress, and so on. The physical manifestations of a small health working could be something like a 20% gain in daily energy, and even though this may seem small both numerically or by our immediate perception, achieving this degree of permanent difference is still significant.

Because certain conditions can involve a confluence of factors that result in the disease, we may have to fix various parts of our soul to achieve full healing. Although general healing energies like Uruz, Wunjo, or solar energy can do this, it will not always be simple in this sense.

For example, we know conditions of dampness and phlegm in the body can be the result of yang deficiency, as the digestive fire breaks these components down. Yet, inflammation in the body, which may result from a weak Moon or Venus, results in the coagulation of dampness and increased difficulty of removal. Further, the movement of water in the body, driven by Mars and Mercury and their influence on the kidneys and lungs, help break up and dissolve accumulations of water and phlegm.

In addition, the presence of a bad transit can put additional pressure on us. Further, as Zevists, we have to handle an increased workload of spiritual work. Even though our work results in increased health over time, on a daily basis we are expending energy on transforming our soul, such as in our rituals or workings. These are ongoing transformations that we both fuel and have to handle any backlash which occur. All of this can create a perception of lack of progress.