Fraroderini
New member
I am writing to you because I am very afraid of some actions committed in my childhood, and I am afraid that these could be an abuse.
I grew up realizing that I was a homosexual with seemingly bisexual tendencies.
Recently heard of cases of children being unknowingly abused by other children.
I'm afraid this was my case.
I have this friend that I've known since we were really little.
At a certain point - I think, unfortunately, that I started it all, as I'm homosexual today - around the age of 6 (maybe) we had this game where we touched each other's private parts and acquired "powers".
This friend of mine never said he was bothered by it, but of course kids are kids, what could he tell me?
He must have been 5 years old and it seems to me that sometimes - if I remember correctly - he played this game too.
Until one day his mother saw us while I put my hand down his pants.
I know because he then told me that his mother was annoyed by this and that she would tell my parents if she didn't stop.
From there I really think this game is over.
I don't remember how long it lasted, it seems to me just one summer, I really hope just one summer.
He and I never and never talked about it again.
Yet every time we met again he always wanted to interact with me, play with me, chat.
He is exclusively heterosexual and of this I am sure.
I got scared because a couple of years ago he told me that he hadn't been able to have sexual intercourse with a girl, he had difficulty getting aroused.
It never occurred to me at first.
Studying some notions of psychology, now I fear the worst.
Have I ruined his sex life?
Did I abuse him?
Maybe with that game I made him develop post-traumatic stress disorder and he will have problems approaching sexuality?
I'm so scared of this topic.
The more I hear about this "Child-on-Child-Abuse" the more I find myself thinking that I have traumatized him for life.
Besides, he's also younger than me! So maybe he was 5 or maybe even 4 years old?
I don't think so, and I can't think about it, I feel like a monster and I really feel like I deserve the worst.
Unfortunately now that we've grown up (I'm 19, he's 17) we don't talk so often and I'm really afraid it's his unconscious that tells him that I'm a danger.
Yet in all ten, eleven, twelve years later we have always played and always talked about something else without any problems.
He is a very pure person, he has thousands of interests, I feel like a monster, a beast, knowing that I may have abused him and I didn't know it.
I have always suffered a lot from my homosexuality, this orientation has always led me to have inner problems and to have sexual relations with which I have always been dissatisfied.
Now I know that this friend of mine is pursuing many interests, he is happy to talk to me if I call him, but I really fear the worst.
Lastly, he doesn't know that I'm homosexual.
If one day I decided to say it, he would immediately connect it to those episodes.
And he would hate me. Even if I was a child.
Again, somehow I know we were children and I am sure sometimes he asked me to do that game too.
But I am afraid of what is in his subconscious.
I am afraid I damaged it, and I don’t know how to be sure of what to believe or not.
If only I could fix this someway I would do EVERYTHING for him.
What do you think?
I grew up realizing that I was a homosexual with seemingly bisexual tendencies.
Recently heard of cases of children being unknowingly abused by other children.
I'm afraid this was my case.
I have this friend that I've known since we were really little.
At a certain point - I think, unfortunately, that I started it all, as I'm homosexual today - around the age of 6 (maybe) we had this game where we touched each other's private parts and acquired "powers".
This friend of mine never said he was bothered by it, but of course kids are kids, what could he tell me?
He must have been 5 years old and it seems to me that sometimes - if I remember correctly - he played this game too.
Until one day his mother saw us while I put my hand down his pants.
I know because he then told me that his mother was annoyed by this and that she would tell my parents if she didn't stop.
From there I really think this game is over.
I don't remember how long it lasted, it seems to me just one summer, I really hope just one summer.
He and I never and never talked about it again.
Yet every time we met again he always wanted to interact with me, play with me, chat.
He is exclusively heterosexual and of this I am sure.
I got scared because a couple of years ago he told me that he hadn't been able to have sexual intercourse with a girl, he had difficulty getting aroused.
It never occurred to me at first.
Studying some notions of psychology, now I fear the worst.
Have I ruined his sex life?
Did I abuse him?
Maybe with that game I made him develop post-traumatic stress disorder and he will have problems approaching sexuality?
I'm so scared of this topic.
The more I hear about this "Child-on-Child-Abuse" the more I find myself thinking that I have traumatized him for life.
Besides, he's also younger than me! So maybe he was 5 or maybe even 4 years old?
I don't think so, and I can't think about it, I feel like a monster and I really feel like I deserve the worst.
Unfortunately now that we've grown up (I'm 19, he's 17) we don't talk so often and I'm really afraid it's his unconscious that tells him that I'm a danger.
Yet in all ten, eleven, twelve years later we have always played and always talked about something else without any problems.
He is a very pure person, he has thousands of interests, I feel like a monster, a beast, knowing that I may have abused him and I didn't know it.
I have always suffered a lot from my homosexuality, this orientation has always led me to have inner problems and to have sexual relations with which I have always been dissatisfied.
Now I know that this friend of mine is pursuing many interests, he is happy to talk to me if I call him, but I really fear the worst.
Lastly, he doesn't know that I'm homosexual.
If one day I decided to say it, he would immediately connect it to those episodes.
And he would hate me. Even if I was a child.
Again, somehow I know we were children and I am sure sometimes he asked me to do that game too.
But I am afraid of what is in his subconscious.
I am afraid I damaged it, and I don’t know how to be sure of what to believe or not.
If only I could fix this someway I would do EVERYTHING for him.
What do you think?