What do I matter?

[Jade9779]

I am a teenager and a dedicated Satanist.
Due to my knowledge, such as about our Father Satan and the filthy Jews, I feel as though when I am engaged in typical teenage behavior, I am squandering it. Such as studying, especially for history, I am wasting my time with lies or when I'm spending time with my boyfriend, who is not a Satanist but someone I still love and care about, I am just plain wasting my time. Within recent months, this feeling of doubt has grown and has sent me into a spiral of emotions. Doubt turns to fear, fear to anger, anger to depression and so the cycle is repeated.

I have no explanation for why I feel this way. Wheather it's someone praying for me or something else entirely, I have no idea. It started small, but has grown as the months went by. I started doubting myself which lead me to believe I was doubting Satan, because not only am I doubtful of who I am, but also of my abilities as a Satanist and a human being. And to me, that is just as bad as questioning my faith in Him. What good am I to Him if I can't even control my emotions?

If I can't be useful, then how can I serve any purpose. Aren't I just another link in the chain? Especially when there are other, much more experienced and competent Satanists? What do I matter?

These invasive thoughts have made me feel useless, especially when it comes to the RTRs. I know before I said I wouldn't do them, for fear of being kicked out of my home, however, I chose to take the risk anyway. It would be my own victory; at least one round of the RTRs a day. And for awhile, that worked, I felt like I had purpose again.

That is until this sudden doubt crept over me, the doubt I feel now, and has since been something I carry around with me. I hadn't thought of it before, but it may be a bad planetary thing, I'm not too confident about my astrology competency, so I could be wrong.

These last few months have been the hardest of my life. I have no one to turn to. The only people who understand are all of you, however, that simply isn't the same as having someone in front of you; unfortunately, I don't know of a single person in my life who would understand what I am going through, and give me good advice regarding it. Which is exactly the reason for this post.

I have never felt this alone or useless in my entire life. I am not an emotional person, this isn't like me at all. I've always been in control of my emotions and what I'm thinking. This feeling of loneliness and doubt, is the worst feeling I have ever had.

Any responses are appreciated, as always. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

 

[Hp. Hoodedcobra666]

These thoughts can be common for your age because you have not yet discovered yourself and your footing. There is no need to ruin any personal relationship with anyone as most people are without. Just retain silence.

Do your meditation, and learn to void meditate, so that thoughts like this can easily be broken out to. Doubt is also rather normal until you have found your footing in these aspects also. Doubt can be healthy, unless it's self defeating doubt. You'll balance out as you go.

The feeling of purpose is when you follow your goals. So make sure to set even some short term goals. These are important for your emotional wellbeing. These could be a job, or any other goal, or spiritual goals.

You matter and these grim thoughts are not real and are improper.

 

[Tyrone1978]

Hugs...You are not alone.

We are old souls and with the increase of population most people are new souls that lack the depth we have.

You are very important and valuable.

And I don't think you need to be spiritually advanced for the RTR's to be effective. You see everything is sound and vibration. Just by being a person with a soul and making those vibrations they reverberate through the universe and do their work on the astral.

More on a personal note with myself.

I am also alone. And it rattles me being on my own with what's happening in the world right now.

I long for a woman but with this war and other life commitments I don't have time. Job and Spiritual Satanism takes all my time up.

A little while ago I was walking down the road and I spotted an old framed wall hanging painting of a nude woman with these little nude boy children flying with their wings around her. It's like that medieval nude art with people in the clouds and they have wings.

I have found myself very drawn to it. I hung it overlooking my bed.

The woman has very long brown hair and she's looking so sad and downwards.

Looking at her I've become enawed with her. She's so beautiful and with the wings a God or something. I feel guilty that she's so sad.

But what this picture has done for me is help combat my feelings of loneliness and weakness.

I have a Guardian Demon. Could this be my Guardian Demoness. Could we be together in some other time and place.

You know it makes me feel guilty knowing that there are out Gods out there watching us.

Now I'm a Final RTR machine. But I've been choosing that over advancement.

I have an urge to open my astral senses so that I can communicate with our Gods and get closure on this picture that makes me feel loved and protected. But also guilty for not opening myself to be able to find out.

Moral of the story being you are not alone there is a whole universe out there and our family in the Gods are out there on their planet but they're with us in soul.

There is nothing to doubt with Satan. That's just the enemy putting thoughts in your mind.

Just look at all the craziness going on in the world and what Satan's message is to know where you want to be.

With love my sister. You are not alone.

 

[friðr]

I am a teenager and a dedicated Satanist.
Due to my knowledge, such as about our Father Satan and the filthy Jews, I feel as though when I am engaged in typical teenage behavior, I am squandering it. Such as studying, especially for history, I am wasting my time with lies or when I'm spending time with my boyfriend, who is not a Satanist but someone I still love and care about, I am just plain wasting my time. Within recent months, this feeling of doubt has grown and has sent me into a spiral of emotions. Doubt turns to fear, fear to anger, anger to depression and so the cycle is repeated.

I have no explanation for why I feel this way. Wheather it's someone praying for me or something else entirely, I have no idea. It started small, but has grown as the months went by. I started doubting myself which lead me to believe I was doubting Satan, because not only am I doubtful of who I am, but also of my abilities as a Satanist and a human being. And to me, that is just as bad as questioning my faith in Him. What good am I to Him if I can't even control my emotions?

If I can't be useful, then how can I serve any purpose. Aren't I just another link in the chain? Especially when there are other, much more experienced and competent Satanists? What do I matter?

These invasive thoughts have made me feel useless, especially when it comes to the RTRs. I know before I said I wouldn't do them, for fear of being kicked out of my home, however, I chose to take the risk anyway. It would be my own victory; at least one round of the RTRs a day. And for awhile, that worked, I felt like I had purpose again.

That is until this sudden doubt crept over me, the doubt I feel now, and has since been something I carry around with me. I hadn't thought of it before, but it may be a bad planetary thing, I'm not too confident about my astrology competency, so I could be wrong.

These last few months have been the hardest of my life. I have no one to turn to. The only people who understand are all of you, however, that simply isn't the same as having someone in front of you; unfortunately, I don't know of a single person in my life who would understand what I am going through, and give me good advice regarding it. Which is exactly the reason for this post.

I have never felt this alone or useless in my entire life. I am not an emotional person, this isn't like me at all. I've always been in control of my emotions and what I'm thinking. This feeling of loneliness and doubt, is the worst feeling I have ever had.

Any responses are appreciated, as always. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

I think you are very lucky to be dedicated as a teenager!

As HPHC said Void meditation is an unvaluable tool when it comes to chassing away unwanted/negative thoughts & feelings.
Even being without I used to train myself everyday to Void meditate when I was a teenager and it really is a must.

Maybe it does not apply to everyone but I believe most people's minds are "programed" to be destructive towards themselves.
Sometimes in very "clever" ways and trying to "trick" you at every turn and reprograming yourself can take time.

A strong AoP and cleaning your aura minimum twice a day is a must. It can take very little time and goes a long way.

You are here because the Gods have chosen you & you have chosen them.
You matter to Us, to Them & to yourself of course!

As HPS Maxine once said: " ...never fear! "

 

[Jack]

You should try to introduce your boyfriend to Satanism and get him interested in this sphere of life.

 

[Aquarius]

When I was 15-17 years old life was pretty bad mentally, I was a new SS and I constantly felt bad about myself, I even considered suicide, but that was just a retarded idea.
You have a lot to learn about yourself, more than you might think. You should do a lot of introspection on yourself and avoid going into extremes, clean your soul a lot! and do a lot of void meditation, not half assed void meditation, but really being concentrated.
That's the advice I would give to me when I was a new teenager SS. Everything started going right when I was 18, and from that age I just started evolving a lot.

 

[NinRick]

You should try to introduce your boyfriend to Satanism and get him interested in this sphere of life.

Any chance you can write me an email? x3

 

[Jack]

You should try to introduce your boyfriend to Satanism and get him interested in this sphere of life.

Any chance you can write me an email? x3

What's your email ?

 

[Henu the Great]

Now I'm a Final RTR machine. But I've been choosing that over advancement.

I strongly encourage you to find balance in between personal meditation schedule and warfare. As a person advances what was once four rituals, same effect can be achieved in two, and so on. It does not need to be 2 hours a day. It can be something as small as 20-30 minutes every day (cleaning, protection, void) and of course the rtr. Then do some asanas before bed for 10-15 minutes - better than nothing! And you don't need to spend the time in savasana (corpse pose) because you would go to sleep right after.

Just to give you some ideas.

Balance, bro!

 

[Tyrone1978]

Now I'm a Final RTR machine. But I've been choosing that over advancement.

I strongly encourage you to find balance in between personal meditation schedule and warfare. As a person advances what was once four rituals, same effect can be achieved in two, and so on. It does not need to be 2 hours a day. It can be something as small as 20-30 minutes every day (cleaning, protection, void) and of course the rtr. Then do some asanas before bed for 10-15 minutes - better than nothing! And you don't need to spend the time in savasana (corpse pose) because you would go to sleep right after.

Just to give you some ideas.

Balance, bro!

Thank you Mate. And I know.

I work long hours but exercise at home between the vibrations. I got a yoga mat and two Hatha Yoga books but only do a couple easy postures so far. So yes balance by getting everything in.

I had a jooish girlfriend that's over with now. I was in a bad place and didn't realise when I hit on her. Cannot believe how I didn't know all those years we were together. But what a distraction. Couldn't do anything with that annoying whiny control freak.

And she always distracted me when I used to meditate. Come and talk or even touch me.

Amazing how far back a jooish partner can set you because I used to meditate and now I associate meditation with pain. You know how painful being startled out of trance can be. I always thought how bad it was that every time I tried meditating I'd land up spitting mad because she'd never leave me alone. I told myself I will learn to associate meditation with anger and pain.

Aura cleaning and Aura of Protection are always done. But I'm struggling to be disciplined to meditate because of the distractions and anger and pain she caused me when practicing meditation.

To come back to Charlotte's post here. I get the same feeling of stress that I'm wasting my time with other people.

It's because I know my time is much better spent with our spiritual affairs here.

I have a strong feeling of boredom with some boring people. I think it's because I can feel the void in their souls.

So Charlotte can feel what she needs to be focusing more time on.

That said I believe a person still needs that BALANCE of having friends and being a bit social. We need to communicate. But all in reasonable proportions.

 

[NinRick]

Hugs...You are not alone.

We are old souls and with the increase of population most people are new souls that lack the depth we have.

You are very important and valuable.

And I don't think you need to be spiritually advanced for the RTR's to be effective. You see everything is sound and vibration. Just by being a person with a soul and making those vibrations they reverberate through the universe and do their work on the astral.

More on a personal note with myself.

I am also alone. And it rattles me being on my own with what's happening in the world right now.

I long for a woman but with this war and other life commitments I don't have time. Job and Spiritual Satanism takes all my time up.

A little while ago I was walking down the road and I spotted an old framed wall hanging painting of a nude woman with these little nude boy children flying with their wings around her. It's like that medieval nude art with people in the clouds and they have wings.

I have found myself very drawn to it. I hung it overlooking my bed.

The woman has very long brown hair and she's looking so sad and downwards.

Looking at her I've become enawed with her. She's so beautiful and with the wings a God or something. I feel guilty that she's so sad.

But what this picture has done for me is help combat my feelings of loneliness and weakness.

I have a Guardian Demon. Could this be my Guardian Demoness. Could we be together in some other time and place.

You know it makes me feel guilty knowing that there are out Gods out there watching us.

Now I'm a Final RTR machine. But I've been choosing that over advancement.

I have an urge to open my astral senses so that I can communicate with our Gods and get closure on this picture that makes me feel loved and protected. But also guilty for not opening myself to be able to find out.

Moral of the story being you are not alone there is a whole universe out there and our family in the Gods are out there on their planet but they're with us in soul.

There is nothing to doubt with Satan. That's just the enemy putting thoughts in your mind.

Just look at all the craziness going on in the world and what Satan's message is to know where you want to be.

With love my sister. You are not alone.

Presonal Growth.. you joke is not even that funny.

You do the RTRs but you don't meditate?
"Satan, I pick up my sword, there is nothing I won't do!"
Except, that a sword is Power, which you obtain through POWERMEDITATION.

Neglect this and all you have is a fork. Yeah good luck trying to rip a fortress to shreds, with only a fork.

You have no time?

When I worked 8hrs, +1.5hrs it took me to get to work and back.
I still did the RTRs for 1 hr, (Schedule days took me 2 hrs) + Yoga + Cleaning&AoP + Powermediations for 2 hrs + Doing some Work for Satan at home for 1hr + Studying a bit for university.

Get your ass up.

 

[Henu the Great]

Ouch. Maybe if you don't want to / can not do anything else besides ac/aop and a bit of yoga, then at least try to vibrate sig rune for minimum of 40 days to make yourself get over the shit she put you through.

I've been doing it 40-something days and it has helped me crush two yoga sessions per day, and increase my meditation and being consistent on top of that.

Gotta start somewhere, why not from destroying the obstacles?

 

[Tyrone1978]

Hugs...You are not alone.

We are old souls and with the increase of population most people are new souls that lack the depth we have.

You are very important and valuable.

And I don't think you need to be spiritually advanced for the RTR's to be effective. You see everything is sound and vibration. Just by being a person with a soul and making those vibrations they reverberate through the universe and do their work on the astral.

More on a personal note with myself.

I am also alone. And it rattles me being on my own with what's happening in the world right now.

I long for a woman but with this war and other life commitments I don't have time. Job and Spiritual Satanism takes all my time up.

A little while ago I was walking down the road and I spotted an old framed wall hanging painting of a nude woman with these little nude boy children flying with their wings around her. It's like that medieval nude art with people in the clouds and they have wings.

I have found myself very drawn to it. I hung it overlooking my bed.

The woman has very long brown hair and she's looking so sad and downwards.

Looking at her I've become enawed with her. She's so beautiful and with the wings a God or something. I feel guilty that she's so sad.

But what this picture has done for me is help combat my feelings of loneliness and weakness.

I have a Guardian Demon. Could this be my Guardian Demoness. Could we be together in some other time and place.

You know it makes me feel guilty knowing that there are out Gods out there watching us.

Now I'm a Final RTR machine. But I've been choosing that over advancement.

I have an urge to open my astral senses so that I can communicate with our Gods and get closure on this picture that makes me feel loved and protected. But also guilty for not opening myself to be able to find out.

Moral of the story being you are not alone there is a whole universe out there and our family in the Gods are out there on their planet but they're with us in soul.

There is nothing to doubt with Satan. That's just the enemy putting thoughts in your mind.

Just look at all the craziness going on in the world and what Satan's message is to know where you want to be.

With love my sister. You are not alone.

Presonal Growth.. you joke is not even that funny.

You do the RTRs but you don't meditate?
"Satan, I pick up my sword, there is nothing I won't do!"
Except, that a sword is Power, which you obtain through POWERMEDITATION.

Neglect this and all you have is a fork. Yeah good luck trying to rip a fortress to shreds, with only a fork.

You have no time?

When I worked 8hrs, +1.5hrs it took me to get to work and back.
I still did the RTRs for 1 hr, (Schedule days took me 2 hrs) + Yoga + Cleaning&AoP + Powermediations for 2 hrs + Doing some Work for Satan at home for 1hr + Studying a bit for university.

Get your ass up.

Point taken.

Life's too short to not work hard on what's important.

Only the tough will survive. Will pull my weight from now on.

Thanks brother

 

[NinRick]

You should try to introduce your boyfriend to Satanism and get him interested in this sphere of life.

Any chance you can write me an email? x3

What's your email ?

It is in my signature below (ツ)

 

[NinRick]

Hugs...You are not alone.

We are old souls and with the increase of population most people are new souls that lack the depth we have.

You are very important and valuable.

And I don't think you need to be spiritually advanced for the RTR's to be effective. You see everything is sound and vibration. Just by being a person with a soul and making those vibrations they reverberate through the universe and do their work on the astral.

More on a personal note with myself.

I am also alone. And it rattles me being on my own with what's happening in the world right now.

I long for a woman but with this war and other life commitments I don't have time. Job and Spiritual Satanism takes all my time up.

A little while ago I was walking down the road and I spotted an old framed wall hanging painting of a nude woman with these little nude boy children flying with their wings around her. It's like that medieval nude art with people in the clouds and they have wings.

I have found myself very drawn to it. I hung it overlooking my bed.

The woman has very long brown hair and she's looking so sad and downwards.

Looking at her I've become enawed with her. She's so beautiful and with the wings a God or something. I feel guilty that she's so sad.

But what this picture has done for me is help combat my feelings of loneliness and weakness.

I have a Guardian Demon. Could this be my Guardian Demoness. Could we be together in some other time and place.

You know it makes me feel guilty knowing that there are out Gods out there watching us.

Now I'm a Final RTR machine. But I've been choosing that over advancement.

I have an urge to open my astral senses so that I can communicate with our Gods and get closure on this picture that makes me feel loved and protected. But also guilty for not opening myself to be able to find out.

Moral of the story being you are not alone there is a whole universe out there and our family in the Gods are out there on their planet but they're with us in soul.

There is nothing to doubt with Satan. That's just the enemy putting thoughts in your mind.

Just look at all the craziness going on in the world and what Satan's message is to know where you want to be.

With love my sister. You are not alone.

Presonal Growth.. you joke is not even that funny.

You do the RTRs but you don't meditate?
"Satan, I pick up my sword, there is nothing I won't do!"
Except, that a sword is Power, which you obtain through POWERMEDITATION.

Neglect this and all you have is a fork. Yeah good luck trying to rip a fortress to shreds, with only a fork.

You have no time?

When I worked 8hrs, +1.5hrs it took me to get to work and back.
I still did the RTRs for 1 hr, (Schedule days took me 2 hrs) + Yoga + Cleaning&AoP + Powermediations for 2 hrs + Doing some Work for Satan at home for 1hr + Studying a bit for university.

Get your ass up.

Point taken.

Life's too short to not work hard on what's important.

Only the tough will survive. Will pull my weight from now on.

Thanks brother

Good you understand what I really meant behind those words!

We can not let those ahead of us, get too cocky, right?
Let's catch up and go even beyond!
This is what I need to do now anyways.

Make sure not to eat too much of my dust >

 

[Jack]

Any chance you can write me an email? x3

What's your email ?

It is in my signature below (ツ)

I sent you a mail from [email protected]