what can i do for my toxicity?

[666darkness]

there are times where i get frustrated really easily and there are times where i dont care. if i woke up bad i tend to let enormous hate out. since im a person that wants to learn and get better im going to be fully honest here. i get really hateful fantasies where i wanna kill somebody over simple things. i get tons of hate ideas put to my head… the most psychopathic shit you can imagine and which i dont wanna talk about because there might be children here and i love children even when im in this hateful persona i still somehow have the love for children. but young adults or adults i tend to not care somehow.

this hate can come from my childhood, i dont know. i come from a place where ive met a lot of discrimination, pain, loneliness, racism and my whole childhood was filled with evilness. when i was a child i was innocent and didnt know or think much about other people. this world has formed me into this. this world is fault for my anger and pain. im not gonna feel regretful if i tell somebody he is gonna suffer and end with severe depression. ive already experienced the biggest pain and when i thought it couldnt be enough i took LSD just to see the most fucked up shit the human mind can imagine because when you are on LSD everything is way more intense.

so i have many personas but i can still control all of them its just that it feels right in the moment. i dont show my anger in a physical form to others. they are able to feel my energy really intensely. when i enter a server some people can already feel there is something wrong, ive noticed this a few times. so how much more intense must it be in real life? they are all scared but thats not enough. sometimes i feel like killing their soul and making their souls get lost in eternal nothingness. i react so angry to the smallest things most of the time.

it usually feels bad afterwards and i feel sorry for them but its what i cant change and what i have to accept and i also accepted that its not my fault i feel like this and what i feel must go out. if one person annoys me im gonna make the universe suffer. this is my mentality. i dont feel bad for too long though afterwards. maybe its just the adrenaline what i feel. if i had the chance to bomb one country because of one person i would press it without a doubt and i would feel like total shit afterwards but it would be worth it. human death doesnt mean anything to me. but i might regret later what i said now…

its like the absolute evil is controlling me but somehow it feels like thats me… but afterwards tomorrow im gonna feel different and all „positive“ again and feel like its time to be a better human but then it comes back again to me and i let the anger out its like hell… its like infinite flames it never gets boring. i lost my friends already. they did some things i hated so much that i broke them down and quit the friendship and i always feel sorry and bad after but its like an endless circle.

im so sick and tired of being like this. so much hate… im gonna channel it soon in form of music but my equipment is not here yet im going to wait but its time soon. the amount of times i wished somebody death is forgivable yes because its not my fault this rotten world poisoned me. im proud of who i am. i just hate my hateful side sometimes. but i probably have to learn to channel that into something productive and not cursing everybody i see or meet that slightly annoys me. the people in my actual life tend to be less annoying than those on the internet somehow. probably because everybody online thinks they are safe but once i let the demonic servants out nobody is really save they go and hunt those people make them depressed and dead inside. those people will eventually kill themeselves or become a better human. a human that i couldnt ever hate. innocent as a child. that is what i cant hate. a child is too innocent for this garbage planet.

i will feel never sorry for cursing or wishing death on someone and there is no way this enormous hate will affect me or actually make karma turn things out bad on me. karma is just an illusion those who overcome it wont see it coming. powerful means to be not scared of anything.

where is the karma for all the children dying in poor countries or where is the karma for people eating babies for stupid rituals? if karma doesnt do anything there then i wont ever acknowledge karma and i wont ever let it affect me.

my solution for me would be to channel this hate towards a good thing. maybe in form of art. i used to smoke weed to deal with this anger side of me but i wanna be not dependent on anything thats why i quit it. atleast for a certain time til i think its time again not with the intention of the anger but because i love the idea or image of vaporizing a plant it feels so alchemical.

maybe i shouldnt let go of it but keep it and live with it? i dont know honestly. all i know is that its painful and that i will feel bad after. i cant do this forever. i wanna live more peaceful but there is so much anger. im bloodthirsty when im in that mood. one person is not enough i used to spend hours breaking people down but i choose very wise when i do those things. it has to be a person that deserves it even when its just slightly the case.

so i gave you my honest words. if you want to heal the universe heal me because im at a point where i dont know if this is good or bad. i think its both because this world again hurt me a lot so if someone actually annoys me just with their existence i will let them know in a really quick dramatic way. i tend to not say hi i just straight up cuss them out. i talk about the evilest things one can imagine and again i dont wanna get into details.

i need to find an answer… or even a solution for this. is there a ritual i can do specifically for this? anything i can do? or do i have to accept and live with this? ive already accepted it though. it still is not away. does it have to go away? maybe not…

 

[Hp. Hoodedcobra666]

Read our texts and start meditating. There is cause and effect in the universe, yes. There are Gods that judge in a sense, but this has to do with your soul and it's level of development.

All of the things you write are not as much about philosophical belief but about meditation.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

...

The short answer is that this is in your astrology chart and would require using runes or mantras as part of a 40+ day working to alter. However, to do this you need to have sufficient soul power beforehand, which is where daily meditations and yoga (Astarte's 8 fold path) comes into account.

Nonetheless, activities such as void, hatha yoga, balancing with elements, and so on, can help maintain your anger or feelings. Aura cleaning will help indirectly, by keeping away any dirt that may inflame your mood or a situation.

Don't feel too bad about this. Everyone has their own unique issues that need attention. However, if you want a true solution, you have to start getting experience working with your soul. Don't take any more drugs, that will only make things worse.

As an example for a solution, just so you understand what I mean: One possible reason you may feel like this could come from a strong fire presence in the soul. You can look at exactly what sort of energies balance this on the zodiac wheel.

For example, a strong Aries presence is countered by Libra. Aries is combative, Mars-style energy, and Libra is air mixed with either earth or water (hard to tell). The point being, Libra energy will restrain inappropriate anger or aggression, making it only act harmoniously to a social situation.

So using a Venus square, Venus mantra, or runes like Gebo, one can add these properties into the soul to balance and work together with the previous Mars presence.

Hopefully, this makes sense to you. This is just an example of how one can go about modifying their soul. If you ask the Gods, they can direct you to the steps you can take, but you need to be working with your soul daily to make any sort of progress.

Good luck.

 

[666darkness]

it got better now... i feel way more positive. i completely forgot that its probably normal to feel down sometimes... it just happens so often and when i recover just like now i seem to get better and better and then someday it might break down again... because of something tragic that might happen to me. i dont wanna lose control of my positivity just because something or somebody crossed my lines and i lost my control and sank into a hole of hate. i dont wanna lose control anymore... and when i read all of this what i wrote it feels so unknown to me and i wanna be far away from that. but as i said... i said it myself i might regret later what i said. i just had this so many times. is it a demon? i dont know... maybe its just my confused head. i wanna be free of hate completely for the rest of my life...