MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
Christian, please tell me, are you glad that you made the dedication?
Absolutely yes. And I often (like yesterday) think back to when I was just a submissive Christian and a slave to a religion of suffering and condemnation to life, when I think back to this I see the progress of my life and of my person and the way in which I am fulfilling myself in the best possible way.
And then I smile and I am happy, and I tell myself that I never imagined I would find myself in this great condition in which I am today, but that it seemed that I could not do anything else but remain an enslaved Christian. And instead look where I am now... ...I am fulfilling myself in all the ways that I have always wanted for myself, but that being a slave without will 24/7 did not allow me...
In my life I have concrete results of my successes. This goes much beyond being happy: it means having concrete reasons to be happy, and concretely enjoying this happiness not only "illusorily", but through concrete "blessings" that I have produced for myself.
I have experiences with the Gods at the Ouija board, and yes, I see that my life is going in the right direction. Sometimes it is true: through suffering, but if at the moment I feel very bad for a negative event, it does not go long without me discovering that that event was very useful in making me mature and teaching me things without which I would still be in the andrapoda condition that many people commonly find themselves in.
This is not different from Odin sacrificing his eye to obtain the Divine Condition. I have seen things in my life get lost, maybe not forever, but at least at the moment I lost things. And I felt very bad about it, but now I am eternally grateful for it because it pushed me to improve myself.
Today I meditate 2 hours a day and do yoga for an hour a day. I train for martial arts 2 hours a day. I study various manuals on war strategy, operational tactics, problem solving, negotiation, psychology, leadership, etc. I can fight very well (I do martial arts well) and I know many techniques, and I can make full use of my IQ (of which I have the highest score obtainable even on different types of tests). If I had never been required to improve myself with concrete motivations, I would still be wasting time in bed staring at the ceiling sleeping 20 hours a day (I really did when I was a non-Satanist)
Because I have been in Christianity for a long time, where Yahweh seems to be real
Every time I have heard a Christian say "Yahweh seems real" it is because they feel the unconditional love of Christianity. Christianity is known for abusing love to subjugate you through the heart (which cannot reason). Yes, I too have a heart chakra and I often felt in my Christian period the feeling of love in my front extension that believing these things gave me. This does not make Yahweh real, it only makes it real that Christianity will enslave you by abusing the fact that non-Jews have a heart chakra which is a connector that is weak and therefore has no power to resist attacks.
I know, even today as a Satanist I often feel feelings of extreme compassion in the front extension of my heart chakra for people who are suffering, and as much as a few of these people very often commit the worst wrongs against me, it saddens me to see how much they suffer in certain situations. I know very well that I shouldn't help them because they will take advantage of my kindness to feel better and then go back to treating me badly, but the heart chakra, precisely, doesn't know how to reason and is weak and hardly resists when leverage is applied to it.
but at the same time he is so far away, as if he doesn't care at all
Yes, only the crimes of Christianity are real. The rest is all anti-historical, anti-scientific, controversial, contradictory, anti-ethical and contrary to any logical and simple cause-effect relationship. [*]
I'm just choosing between becoming a Satanist
It's up to you. Satan doesn't force people, "Jesus" does, but Satan is a God and Jesus is just a made-up con man who has NOTHING divine about him except some false attributions.
or just being an atheist so I don't get cheated again.
I would suggest not to do this kind of reasoning. Just because your first romantic relationship was toxic, it doesn't mean you'll never have an honest boyfriend. It's normal that if you go looking for overtly criminal religions like Christianity that are based only on the lie of slavery, your relationship will necessarily be toxic.
But when you understand that a delinquent is a delinquent and can't be anything else, when you meet a person who is clearly a good guy, he doesn't deserve to be automatically judged a delinquent. And yes, abusive delinquents will always tell you that you will have to "submit", that they will be the only ones who care about you, that all the other guys around are dishonest and will not love you like the abusive delinquent will.
The same thing happens with Christianity: "there is no salvation except in Christ! Humble yourself and repent! Only Christ loves you unconditionally, Satan hates you". The reality of the matter will always be that Satan consistently reveals himself to be a positive figure and the Christ-delinquent a violent abuser...
[*] See also: