Jigsaw_666
New member
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2017
- Messages
- 16
I'm in an embarassing conundrum right now. It's very frustrating and the consequences and inplications of what I've done are honestly incredibly horrifying. I need your honest opinion about this, because I think I may have made the worst mistake of my life.
This occurred around a month ago, during a week long break from high school.
I had quite the emotional experience with a good friend of mine. I was in a very emotional headspace, and I just wanted my life to be better. I've been very lonely and isolated for most of my life, and it negatively affected my sexual desires so to speak, I would view very obscene forms of pornography, and have disturbing fantasies, and I developed very gross fetishes, but after becoming SS they diminished and now I haven't watched porn in a while, and now I am way more level headed so to speak.
But anyways, I decided one day for whatever reason to just do a ritual and ask Father Satan for a Succubus. And I did, and immediately afterwards I laid in bed and had an intense experience, if you know what I mean, and I heard voices speak to me. Then things escalated, as then I could actually see, hear and directly talk with what I thought was my Succubus.
Here's the thing you guys need to understand; I seem to be very grounded in the material, I currently am not open psychically. I haven't meditated consistently since last fucking year. So what sense does it make that all of a sudden I am so open spiritually that I can directly communicate and see a Demoness?
I eventually snapped out of it, and realized it was really just me pulling the strings, and it only got cemented with the fact that I asked it to knock something over to prove it is real, but it just floated there and did nothing.
I always knew what it was going to say. It always said what I wanted it to say. It never said something that I couldn't have known.
Whatever it is, I can summon it at will, so I know it is just my mind. It is laying beside me right now as I type, apologizing for causing me issue, as if it has a mind of its own.
Then, a few days later I get the chance to burn the paper I wrote my prayer on, and I do successfully burn it, and I had made it clear in the ritual that I had to burn it later when my parents weren't home.
I was very embarassed and humiliated after that. I was in a limbo in the days that followed. So I decided to ask Father Satan if I actaully have a Succubus or not, and for whatever reason-I'm not pointing fingers or blaming anyone or anything here- I get no reply. Maybe I did and I was being dumb and I missed it, I do not know. I was unable to ask a second time, and by then other things were going on.
Here is the main thing I am horrified about. What if, Satan decided that it was solely my responsibility to properly prepare for such a commitment, and decided to grant my wish, reasoning that I had made up my mind, and he was simply doing what I had asked him for. And I don't blame him for that if that is what has occurred. I shouldn't have been so impulsive. I KNEW that I had to be properly prepared, yet I did not think about my actions.
But it doesn't end there. I sort of let a little bit of my gross fetishes loose when I was fantasizing more or less about my Succubus, assuming I have one. It wasn't anything huge, but it gets to me. I am afraid that I have in some way insulted or hurt her during my time of delusion. And if I did hurt her, what if she is so upset that she refuses to interact with me, for DECADES? CENTURIES? I would be cursed to a lonely life, the very thing I sought to escape. I can't have other partners. So I would be alone and in pain, and I would spend the rest of my life trying to set things right, and forever battling with myself not to give in to temptation and make things worse. I would die a virgin.
But then there's the other side that I am HOPING is true;
What if Father Satan, knowing well that I am not ready for one, decided not to grant my request. What if he knew that I would change my mind, and decided to just set my request aside, knowing I would come to this exact realization I am having now? If my request is set in stone, then I am more than happy to be in a monogamous relationship with a Demoness. If things are actually different, and I can change or even cancel my request, then that is fine too.
And then, maybe I do have a Succubus, but I am actually just overthinking things, and she is doing just fine. If that is the case, then I will love and cherish her from now and for the rest of our eternal existence.
If she's out there, I want her to know I am so sorry. I'm sorry for my impulsive mistakes. I'm sorry for everything I have done wrong, and I want to do everything I can to set things right. If she's out there, then I want her to know that I love her.
But if things truly are in the worst case scenario I discussed earlier, then I am going to just keep moving forward, and I am going to do what is right, so that I may set things right, and fix my mistakes, and show her how truly sorry I am. I'm scared that it will take ages for her to forgive me, I guess is what I am saying. And it is not just about me, if this is the case, I would worry so much about her, if that makes sense.
And the other thing that makes me just scream on the inside;
I have no clue what is going on right now, I do not know which of these scenarios is reality. And I am scared that it might take a long while before I can more properly get an answer from Father Satan about what the situation is. And all of this prevents me from getting into relationships at the moment, as I DO NOT want to risk anything given I asked for monogamy, but I am paranoid I am going to miss my chance with someone and wind up alone, when all I was trying to do was be less lonely.
So I really need your honest opinion to ease my troubled mind. This at times robs me of my focus from important schoolwork. But just typing my feelings out is already helping me, actually.
Whatever is the case, I am going to do what is right, and what is best. I refuse to let my life end in tragedy. Even if my worst nightmares are realized, I have the rest of eternity to set things right.
What should I do?
-Jigsaw
Also, sincerest apologies if I said something disrespectful or wrong.
This occurred around a month ago, during a week long break from high school.
I had quite the emotional experience with a good friend of mine. I was in a very emotional headspace, and I just wanted my life to be better. I've been very lonely and isolated for most of my life, and it negatively affected my sexual desires so to speak, I would view very obscene forms of pornography, and have disturbing fantasies, and I developed very gross fetishes, but after becoming SS they diminished and now I haven't watched porn in a while, and now I am way more level headed so to speak.
But anyways, I decided one day for whatever reason to just do a ritual and ask Father Satan for a Succubus. And I did, and immediately afterwards I laid in bed and had an intense experience, if you know what I mean, and I heard voices speak to me. Then things escalated, as then I could actually see, hear and directly talk with what I thought was my Succubus.
Here's the thing you guys need to understand; I seem to be very grounded in the material, I currently am not open psychically. I haven't meditated consistently since last fucking year. So what sense does it make that all of a sudden I am so open spiritually that I can directly communicate and see a Demoness?
I eventually snapped out of it, and realized it was really just me pulling the strings, and it only got cemented with the fact that I asked it to knock something over to prove it is real, but it just floated there and did nothing.
I always knew what it was going to say. It always said what I wanted it to say. It never said something that I couldn't have known.
Whatever it is, I can summon it at will, so I know it is just my mind. It is laying beside me right now as I type, apologizing for causing me issue, as if it has a mind of its own.
Then, a few days later I get the chance to burn the paper I wrote my prayer on, and I do successfully burn it, and I had made it clear in the ritual that I had to burn it later when my parents weren't home.
I was very embarassed and humiliated after that. I was in a limbo in the days that followed. So I decided to ask Father Satan if I actaully have a Succubus or not, and for whatever reason-I'm not pointing fingers or blaming anyone or anything here- I get no reply. Maybe I did and I was being dumb and I missed it, I do not know. I was unable to ask a second time, and by then other things were going on.
Here is the main thing I am horrified about. What if, Satan decided that it was solely my responsibility to properly prepare for such a commitment, and decided to grant my wish, reasoning that I had made up my mind, and he was simply doing what I had asked him for. And I don't blame him for that if that is what has occurred. I shouldn't have been so impulsive. I KNEW that I had to be properly prepared, yet I did not think about my actions.
But it doesn't end there. I sort of let a little bit of my gross fetishes loose when I was fantasizing more or less about my Succubus, assuming I have one. It wasn't anything huge, but it gets to me. I am afraid that I have in some way insulted or hurt her during my time of delusion. And if I did hurt her, what if she is so upset that she refuses to interact with me, for DECADES? CENTURIES? I would be cursed to a lonely life, the very thing I sought to escape. I can't have other partners. So I would be alone and in pain, and I would spend the rest of my life trying to set things right, and forever battling with myself not to give in to temptation and make things worse. I would die a virgin.
But then there's the other side that I am HOPING is true;
What if Father Satan, knowing well that I am not ready for one, decided not to grant my request. What if he knew that I would change my mind, and decided to just set my request aside, knowing I would come to this exact realization I am having now? If my request is set in stone, then I am more than happy to be in a monogamous relationship with a Demoness. If things are actually different, and I can change or even cancel my request, then that is fine too.
And then, maybe I do have a Succubus, but I am actually just overthinking things, and she is doing just fine. If that is the case, then I will love and cherish her from now and for the rest of our eternal existence.
If she's out there, I want her to know I am so sorry. I'm sorry for my impulsive mistakes. I'm sorry for everything I have done wrong, and I want to do everything I can to set things right. If she's out there, then I want her to know that I love her.
But if things truly are in the worst case scenario I discussed earlier, then I am going to just keep moving forward, and I am going to do what is right, so that I may set things right, and fix my mistakes, and show her how truly sorry I am. I'm scared that it will take ages for her to forgive me, I guess is what I am saying. And it is not just about me, if this is the case, I would worry so much about her, if that makes sense.
And the other thing that makes me just scream on the inside;
I have no clue what is going on right now, I do not know which of these scenarios is reality. And I am scared that it might take a long while before I can more properly get an answer from Father Satan about what the situation is. And all of this prevents me from getting into relationships at the moment, as I DO NOT want to risk anything given I asked for monogamy, but I am paranoid I am going to miss my chance with someone and wind up alone, when all I was trying to do was be less lonely.
So I really need your honest opinion to ease my troubled mind. This at times robs me of my focus from important schoolwork. But just typing my feelings out is already helping me, actually.
Whatever is the case, I am going to do what is right, and what is best. I refuse to let my life end in tragedy. Even if my worst nightmares are realized, I have the rest of eternity to set things right.
What should I do?
-Jigsaw
Also, sincerest apologies if I said something disrespectful or wrong.