trouble relaxing

[donut]

trouble relaxing
I am a very tense person, full of anxiety, I had and have some problems with depression, so I was looking to relax in some way, before the cure was to eat ice, it had no taste or calories, it did not fill me up, it was just chewing and swallowing, it was something I could focus on for hours until I stopped feeling that lump in my throat that made me believe I was going to vomit, until no matter how much I did it and I just didn't relax and even made my teeth hurt, when I tried to relax or just forget the feeling of the lump in my throat otherwise I just couldn't get to the point of relaxing or forgetting, the problems I have made me sick to my stomach, I never went to the hospital for a checkup but I think I have mild anemia. Trying to relax in another way doesn't work, it makes me anxious to wait to magically relax, waiting has become a torture that doesn't hurt that only makes me desperate and never comes to the end
I have reached the edge, being tense and that other people only feed that tension, and I have reached the edge, the edge trying to find an immediate way to end everything, be it opening the door of a car and jumping out of it while it is still moving or trying to stick a knife in me, I just haven't been able to finish it (luckily), I'm just trying to find a way to relax, to feel nothing, to make that lump in my throat go away
Any advice you can give me would help me a lot

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

Any advice you can give me would help me a lot

Don't try to repress emotions and psychological states. You get the opposite effect, the more you compress a spring, the more you are actually charging it. These things should not be repressed, they should be managed. For example, you might want to direct the energy you use for anxiety to something more mentally positive such as a laugh or a smile, which also have the effect of draining away the nervousness.

Think, for example, that I also use this technique when I fight. When I have to physically clash with someone I completely lose my seriousness and start laughing. This takes away the anxiety of having to do the martial arts techniques with the most correct execution possible because there is no energy to get worked up if it is employed to smile and be mentally amused, it vents me and thus also gives me that right mental focus of coolness to act, and most of all it makes me feel good in that situation as if I am experiencing it better.

 

[Yagami Light]

Hello. Are you on some kind of medication that may be causing this anxiety? Are you taking drugs? Is the environment at your home stressing/violent?

Instead of trying to repress these emotions, I would suggest to try and understand their source - what's causing them.

Meditation-wise, empowering the solar plexus chakra can help with depression (clean your chakras and then vibrate a mantra into the solar plexus, such as Raum or Aum Suryae). If this chakra is blocked (you may feel a headache if you focus on it, or you may somehow "know"), you can do this meditation: https://www.joyofsatan.org/Open_Blocked_Chakras.html

As for a physical solution... are you sitting at the computer, or are you on your phone all day long? It could be that you have overdosed your dopamine centers in your brain. The more we go after dopamine (eg trying to find an interesting videos on TikTok and constantly scrolling), the more miserable we become. This is neurological/hormonal, and if you think that this is the case, then I would suggest you to Google search about this topic and take the action needed in order to help yourself.
A great book talking about this in a way easy to understand is Dopamine Nation.