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[url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "autumnrayne81" <autumn.rayne81@... wrote:
Seeking seems like an adept title to place upon this. I suppose I could make this some kind of introductory of the substandard type to stay in par with the usual bunch who join new sites. The ones that say "Oh hello. I'm blah-blah and I'm new." as if the fact that you've never posted anything before doesn't somehow label you as being 'new'. Perhaps they say new to begin the conversation of 'Oh hello. I'm blah-blah and I don't know anything about this so I'm new." in which case they'd never really be posting anything in here now would they.
Obviously, going by my previously stated words I am not knowledgeable about this. After going through a few different websites I stumbled upon one that led me here, in which I went through a few posts. Not that many really because after awhile my mind starts to drift and I realize I've not found what I'm looking for yet. I suppose I'm on a steady path towards some eventually enlightenment. On what I am not so sure. Is it odd to not know what you seek but to still know you are seeking it? *shrugs*
I might as well say that what I'm getting at by even posting this is to simply let others know that I'm here and that I'm looking...in which case I might establish some connection with someone if I have a random question and can not seem to find any answer anywhere. Though, I don't know what it is I seek. I suppose some kind of answer to the things that go on around me.
The answer to life. The great journey or something like that. Who knows. I am merely here. I've been able to do some strange things since I was a kid...and I'll admit. I was forced to attend church by my stepmother because she thought it was 'good' for me. That would be me in particularly out of all the children. I suppose because she somehow sensed that I was not quite like the rest. I've always questioned church, but I'd learned at a young age NOT to question churches...or people's religions. Most retaliate unkindly. My stepmother's church cast me out (without her knowledeage of course. She simply assumed that since I was an 'adult' I thought I didn't need God in my life anymore and thus told that unto my little sister) because I asked too many questions about the book they worshipped. I merely stated one time that I like fairy tales as much as the next person but do answer a few questions for me.... Questions they didn't like.
Now, I say the the things that go on around me and that I've been 'able to do some strange things'.... I've never really thought it was me doing these strange things myself. A friend once said 'God did wonderful and strange things to us'...she thought I was blessed by the 'holy father'. That never sat right to me. In fact...I've sometimes felt bad for Lucifer/Satan/Devil...any of the names mentioned in that book but sometimes I did not believe them to merely be one thing. Odd? No. I'm wondering through the dull days of life now going mad as I try to find an answer to the 'strange' things I can sometimes do or that sometimes happen to me. There's no problem sharing with complete strangers on the internet. You'll have one of three reactions I believe to occur. 1) She's a liar. 2) She's trying to get amidst our ranks and discourage us by breaking apart our foundation.....or perhaps 3) Interesting, she is telling what she believes to be the truth.
I see things...hear things...that no one else does. But not the signs of insanity...No. These are too randomized sometimes...well, were. Sometimes I believe them to be voices of things I can not see or that don't want to be seen. Sometimes I think it's the voices of the people around me....but not the voice from themselves they are even aware of speaking....It is like a whisper from inside of them. The things I sometimes see would dishearten a few. Black shadows that move...things in the mirrors....I dislike mirrors because I can not explain the things that come to pass through them. I feel as if mirrors are sometimes the gateway to another place. One of torment...and loneliness. I am going mad as I go through this quest of life to find the answers to my questions. How is it that I am sometimes granted the request of healing? Not myself but others. I've healed from long distances too...as long as I know the person and have healed them before. Take away their aches and pains.... I do not believe this 'God' from Christianity is the answer to it all.... That does not sit well with me...
Sometimes I will view what has been told to me to be a person's aura...or their energy level/reading... It tells me their emotions... Sometimes I dream of the future... Not my own but others. It does not always occur like that but 9 times out of 10... I see something that might lead to an event in the future.
I've met people in my life that have claimed to do the same things I do...yet... a few always ask "prove it"...which leads me to believe they can't do what I can...they only want to...I've been deceived by too many claiming to know what I do and how to improve on it... I do not wish to improve yet... I seek out some understanding of the things that come to pass. Another friend once asked me if I used demons for my biddings. I said yes at one point...and really began to think upon it. Could I be using demons? I was always taught by the world that demons were evil... But then I didn't believe that... I thought, surely if man is supposedly good and bad... can not the same be said for them? So one day this friend of mine is acting strange and begins to scare me...as he talks about having found a way to become even more powerful... See, he believed strongly in fighting with others to become the only powerful 'demon-holder'...I believed him to be quite insane now... But it was attractive, this thought of having all this power he spoke of... I even showed him a few of the things I could do... I suppose one could say I was showing off. Who doesn't like to preen and boast about what they can do? But I was strictly into healing people and helping them through life.... I soon cared not for religion. Why give someone a name? What are names by a prison upon us?
He told me we all had multiple names, whatever that meant...all I know is he had begun to scare me. He told me how he took care of competition by having his demons consume others demons... I felt more like he was being possessed by something that really was hurting others. So I got rid of what was possessing him. I'm still not sure how... I remember meditating and trying to find what lurked around him...what tainted him. I could feel it after all and it was disgusting. So in my mind (I suppose this is why I'm going mad as I did this often) I suppose I imagined myself traveling through things to call out for help from something....someone....anyone who could help...and I felt I was answered. This new thing...whatever it was...helped free my friend (who is QUITE normal now, if not somewhat confused by our relationship).... I do know I promised something in return...in which it was never very concrete what I knew I was promising... But somehow we both agreed....*shrugs* It's an odd tale to recall and of course I didn't make this a fiction story with tons of detail for people to read. It's not a story to indulge in. It's a rough summary of the craziness that has struck down on me...
I've searched through multiple Christianity things...and only found more confusion and chaos....especially with humanity.... Then I sought out Wicca....thinking I'd FINALLY found something to help me....and still I walked away with MORE questions than answers. I'm not sure I will ever find the answers I'm seeking...perhaps I'm not ready to hear the answers and they are already there for me.
Kudos.... By the way, I'm new.
