I used to practice, i once dedicated myself, i was trying to be a part of Satan's army. I was practicing from the early age of 13 all the way to 23 i was meditating and trying to awaken my kundalini when terrible things happened, i was 23 in a hard relationship, my now ex husband went super religious, he was incarcerated at the time, he was on so many drugs, he was being verbally abusive, it mentally drained me, i went through so much heartache and trauma and deep emotional pain. i was living with his abusive alcoholic mom, and i became a christian because i in my dark state of mind felt satanism had betrayed me and i had been somehow cursed, it was a terrible time..i got away and am now 26 and after 6 years of being in a painful relationship im trying to recover, and heal. im not trying to get people to feel sorry for me..all i want are answers. to get back into satanism where do i begin? What steps do i need to take? i once learned so much, i was always reading and learning, meditating and training. i was training myself by candle flame studying the sigil of lucifer in-visioning it in my mind, i printed out papers from joyofsatan and read them nightly trying to train myself. during this time is when i met my ex, and i fell in love, he did not care about my beliefs at the time and was ok with them..we dated and we got married by age 23 i was no longer focusing on satanism i was lost in love but was being emotionally abused by a narcissist misogynist but love made me blind to it..he was put in prison and it all went down hill from there. do i need to re dedicate? when i was a xian i shunned all of that, where do i begin? im still healing. i feel so badly about everything like i let everyone down.