I went through a very similar period. I was a little girl, always different from the others, outcast, reflective. I used to ask myself questions to which I could not find a comprehensive answer.
I grew up with parents who constantly compared me to other girls who met society's aesthetic and life standards (college, marriage, children). Add to that the fact that they are very Christian.
I had ended up in a toxic relationship and was in it for 13 years. I lasted so long because, because of my traumas, I thought I deserved an anaffective person who would not build a dialogue with me, who would not show affection or pride in being with me. Every opportunity was good to show off my physical and character flaws even in front of friends.
I am an only child, and I went through all this completely alone. Of course depression came, the strong one, the one that consumes you inside. I had a friend who despite seeing my situation bragged about her story, how perfect it was at the expense of mine.
One morning while walking I said to myself, "I deserve to be happy. I don't want to be the spectator of other people's happiness anymore."
Then one day, I meet my current partner, he tells me about Father Satan, and immediately I knew I had received an answer. I found Father Satan's light again.
Now I meditate regularly together with my partner, I am strong, I believe in me, and I am no longer depressed!
By this I want you to understand that even if things are complicated now you will see that you will soon find the strength to move forward and, as others have said, focus on building your future away from this situation. The gods will guide you and be there for you but the biggest work will have to be done by you. And you will see that you will, slowly, have the solution in front of you.
Be strong and stay healthy.
