Question #4729: I'm tired of suffering

[AskSatanOperator]

I am suffering immensely. I am persevering on the purification journey. There is a relationship in my life that makes me suffer immensely, I am in a stuck situation, financially and socially. I'm working for the financial aspect.
But all the work I do seems, and I stress *seems*, to have an effect on my boyfriend's activity instead. I affirm "this money is mine and I am free to keep it for myself or spend it as I choose", visualizing more intensely in current jobs. I did a magic square and 40 day spiritual work. I'm doing two more magic squares and Astarte's ritual, after asking her for help in a meditation.
This period borders on madness, and my anger arises even without a triggering reason, and as an outlet I scream a lot. However, I suspect that this whole situation does not derive from this relationship, but from impurities that I am removing, and that this relationship is only the triggering excuse. I have an indescribable anger inside me. And I'm suffering immensely. I'd just like some respite from all this. A day of respite. I'm persevering with so much strength, but when I collapse everything seems insurmountable. What always remains with me is a lot of strength and resilience. But this suffering is unmanageable, it's so much that I can't describe it. It becomes more acute during the period in which I purify the chakras with mantras. I would like to know if there is a way to stop suffering, a spiritual work that can bring some harmony and tranquility into my life. Or breathing a type of color into the aura, blue helped me a lot, but it brings more relaxation, than that air of motherhood and harmony that I madly feel the need for inside me. I'm a woman.
I am tired of crying and screaming, and feeling ashamed of it.
Maybe the only usefulness of this story was just to vent, but I really hope to bring some harmony into my life. I need it. As for the meditations and my financial situation, I am persevering and ready to do so. I just want to know if anyone knows, besides power meditations, a spiritual way to evoke some tranquility as a state of mind.

 

[HellGate]

Have you taken a look at your astrological chart and looked for karmic issues pertaining to financial issues? Including viewing transits and what to do or not. Purifying the soul may lead to an intensification of negativity; however, this fades once the soul is cleaner. If one does not express harmony within the mind, wrong manifestations may occur.

If you are able to, perform the freeing of the soul work and work with Ganesha to remove obstacles in your path. To have opportunities where you can be happier, a Jupiter Square can be done for this reason.

Blue calms, and it is good to work with in such cases. I've found that working on the upper chakras brings a sense of peace to myself, while the lower chakras lead to a higher drive. Doing the imagination exercise HPS Lydia listed on the forum in a sermon of hers is very useful for this purpose as well.

Have you read complex philosophical works like "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius, which detail how to live within comfort?

Life is not easy unless one is extremely advanced to manifest much. Venting is great once needs arise, as it is only natural to express what is going wrong.
Thank you for sharing what you feel.