I can tell you have a lot of xian programming that you need to remove. What we do or not do in Satanism has nothing to do with fear of external beings, but natural consequences and cause and effect. It's easy to cop out in this xian-style morality, but you can't escape the natural consequences of anything you do.
When you commit suicide, it means that the karma that caused you your current situation wasn't removed and was probably even made worse, so your next life will still have similar and worse problems.
Also, you can never distance from the Gods if you are a dedicated Satanist. It's been said on JoS that the dedication is permanent and no matter what you do, even if you convert to xianity, the Gods will still be with you to protect you and escort you after you die. Those who aren't dedicated Satanists and protected by the Gods risk of being captured enemy vampiric beings, so I'm not even sure why you would want to distance from the Gods anyway.