Question #1816: Feeling of surrender

[AskSatanOperator]

I have been feeling this for the last few days, before I got here I was a totally different person, someone idiotic and depressed to be "for his whole life" in a state of romanticizing suicide and fantasizing about it as well as mutilating myself, I was resigned to that, but ok. I suppose to resist, that this is part of the healing process, but, something in me wants to push me to "face" how I felt before, but, every time that happens I feel that how I was before starts to consume me again, I think I write this more out of panic not to fall into the same thing, I am disgusted with myself.
what I remember from my natal chart is that it indicates many problems with friendships, communication, etc, for the same reason I am consumed by loneliness, I don't have any friends, I am not close to my family, I have learned to be alone but I can't ignore that.



I think it gives me more reason to go back, but no, when I came out of it I realized that it was suffering and nothing more than that, it was not good for me at all, besides, now that I have raised my bioelectricity and those things could lead me to a real danger.
I practice martial arts, but every time I do it I feel a great heaviness in me like a blockage in my energy, to extend it, I also think I have been able to feel the blockage in my meditations , I have seen FRTR in the forums, but I wonder if a beginner Satanist can do it.
I lack motivation, I feel my eyes tired from insomnia, I feel my head with a lot of pressure on me, I feel like I can fall into a void at any time.

 

[Power of Justice [JG]]

The problems with meditation are probably caused by the internal turmoil within you. Do you know why you mutilated yourself and fantasized about suicide? Have you really asked yourself why? What happens with people is that they engage in avoidance and literally anything else to distract from their issues, but that doesn't make them go away.

I would say to face yourself, and everything will be much clearer as you will know what to do. Start to slowly regress as far back as you can remember and see what caused you to feel the way you do. Don't let yourself be consumed or overwhelmed by the feelings; just analyze them from a 3rd person perspective, almost detaching from them. If you know the root cause, you can move forward freely. Example: "My parents never let me express myself freely and shut me down at any opportunity they had; that's why I have trouble talking to people now".

And you keep going, keep addressing every little thing that comes up, and unravel your mind. 

You can do it, I know you can because you are an SS and you are here!

 

[Ol argedco luciftias]

We are never alone. The gods are with us and they can help us if you need it.

The last part about the physical feeling in your head, is that from dehydration? Or electrolyte deficiency? Those can cause a feeling like that.

 

[ambiance666]

This helped me through tough times. https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=86981

 

[ambiance666]

https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=68304