I see you are new to Satanism as per your previous posts.
Look, the enemy (xian/islamic entities, enemy aliens that are against us and stay behing the xian church and islam, and the jews) did not really care of you in any way before, until you paid attention to Satan, as Satan is the True God and they do not want you to understand this. So the enemy never did anything for you before.
By the way, now that you are opening your eyes, yes the enemy is doing something, but against you: they are trying to confuse and scare you so that you will not study the Truth and practice Meditation and Magick.
This is the sad truth: they never give a shit about you until you try to rebel, so they try to stop you putting in your mind negative thoutghts. Yes they would rather see you dead instead of seeing you as a living Satanic fellow.
Unfortunately it depends on how much your mind has been programmed by the enemy. When I was new I had the very same problems as I live in Italy that is one of the most xianized country in the world (more than 95% people here are xians, look in Germany they are less than 60%). My beginning was very hard, I was barely alone as I did not read the groups/forum - this is why I am so concerned about new people struggling hard, as I did it too.
The reasons were 1. enemy mind attacks 2. xian mind programming (as they put in your head self-hate, and similar feelings bringing you to this kind of thought, that may manifest when you start meditating and re-programming your thoughts).
Stay strong, this kind of things pass away with time.
Try to clean and protect your aura and chakra daily (Meditations are found in joyofsatan.org and are very easy to do).
From:
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To:
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Date: Wed, 22 Jul 2015 21:07:59 -0700
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] (unknown)
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I don't know what to belive in anymore. I feel like everyone and everything is against me, like they want me to fall. Sometimes all I want to do is die, almost like I have to with no say in it. I feel like I'm not meant for this world, and everybody hates me. I just don't know what to do anymore, I wanna give up. Hope is lost, trust is lost, life is lost, everything is lost. I'm done. I feel insane and I don't wanna do this anymore. Help me...
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