My biggest obstacles

[BlueWizard]

Alright I'll write this thread here as I'm having enough of it.
Whatever you write, just note that I am taking it personally as I'm on a thin ice right now.

I'll rant as much as I can here, to just let it all out because there's nothing to do anymore.

So this is what's going on with me and why am I writing this thread. I've been stuck with these symptoms for quite a long time now and it's completely destroying me.

I'm hyper-sensitive to all and any small bullshit sounds which make me jump like I'm about to get fucking heart attack, happens so much during my day I have to wear headphones a lot
Easily over-stressed
Forgetful - you can tell me something and within seconds I'll forget it (yeah, that's fun to have when trying to study and advance here)
Not able to focus or concentrate on a task, even if it's just reading, I'll read a sentence and next one, my mind will wonder somewhere else. Let alone meditations or anything else.
Unable to sit still - either it's when reading or meditating, I'm unable to sit still
See no rewards from meditations (I get it, it takes time, I completely understand but a person like me clearly sees no rewards from it) don't get any dopamine from it
My feelings jump from day to day - sometimes happy, sometimes like shit, depressed etc
Overthinking all the damn time about what would happen if I did otherwise
Quick on decisions without thinking what could happen, can't tell how much money I've spent on bs without thinking.
Probably few more but I'm unable to think of them cause my mind just doesn't give a damn to focus.

It's like these symptoms tie to each other, if I became good to focus on task, I'll still frikkin forget it or if I focus on meditating, I'm unable to stay still.

I've searched online and people talk it's a sign of ADHD and I was hoping I could get some help but then I read here ADHD is bs and now I'm back to 0. Great...

I've read here people mentioned to look into chart to see if I'm lacking some elements or whatever but welp, how tf can I look into it if I can't study shit cause of my symptoms?? I just don't get any dopamine or whatever from doing these things like meditations or studying.

Tried reading books to self-improve but thanks to my symptoms, it's not interesting and I forget in a second what I read.

I'm listing all these things and if you tell me I'm making it up or whatever, I'd really love to tell you to f off but I'm not gonna.
I've always been respectful to others on the forums and you'd never see me arguing with someone. Thats the least I can do. So just try and put yourself in my place okay.

I've been on this path for well over 8 years, I haven't advanced a bit although finding this and dedicated I consider already a big step, anyway, I believe the above mentioned symptoms have been in my way throughout the years. I fucking HATE the feeling of being constantly stuck on the bottom and not being able to advance even a bit.

Yeah, I did managed to meditate constantly for about 2 months (wow, I know) few years back and then these symptoms hit again and I'm back at bottom.
Never managed to meditate for that long after it. And it just goes all in the same loop.

If you want to, you can call me mentally unstable, fine, whatever, just don't tell me do more meditations cause then you didn't read my post.

I am seriously thinking of using meds at this point if nothing comes out of this post, whatever, its unbearable to live like this knowing I can't advance for shit.

And please don't bring Gods into this "How would they feel, this or that". Just leave them out of this.

Just don't fucking call me lazy, I have these symptoms and it clearly makes me unable to do shit. I'm really loosing it.
I felt like I need to make this post and ask for help one last time here.

I would appreciate if you ask me if I have any other symptoms and I'd gladly answer.
I probably have more which I was unable to find. I want to just get through this and this place has gotten me throught some tough times and I hope that now I've finally discovered the roots of my problems.

And yes, I know I received help in past in my other threads and via emails about other symptoms and conditions, just I'm telling you now I am unable to be consistent with trying to implement them due to the bs I mentioned above.

 

[Niko_is_666]

Alright I'll write this thread here as I'm having enough of it.
Whatever you write, just note that I am taking it personally as I'm on a thin ice right now.

I'll rant as much as I can here, to just let it all out because there's nothing to do anymore.

So this is what's going on with me and why am I writing this thread. I've been stuck with these symptoms for quite a long time now and it's completely destroying me.

I'm hyper-sensitive to all and any small bullshit sounds which make me jump like I'm about to get fucking heart attack, happens so much during my day I have to wear headphones a lot
Easily over-stressed
Forgetful - you can tell me something and within seconds I'll forget it (yeah, that's fun to have when trying to study and advance here)
Not able to focus or concentrate on a task, even if it's just reading, I'll read a sentence and next one, my mind will wonder somewhere else. Let alone meditations or anything else.
Unable to sit still - either it's when reading or meditating, I'm unable to sit still
See no rewards from meditations (I get it, it takes time, I completely understand but a person like me clearly sees no rewards from it) don't get any dopamine from it
My feelings jump from day to day - sometimes happy, sometimes like shit, depressed etc
Overthinking all the damn time about what would happen if I did otherwise
Quick on decisions without thinking what could happen, can't tell how much money I've spent on bs without thinking.
Probably few more but I'm unable to think of them cause my mind just doesn't give a damn to focus.

It's like these symptoms tie to each other, if I became good to focus on task, I'll still frikkin forget it or if I focus on meditating, I'm unable to stay still.

I've searched online and people talk it's a sign of ADHD and I was hoping I could get some help but then I read here ADHD is bs and now I'm back to 0. Great...

I've read here people mentioned to look into chart to see if I'm lacking some elements or whatever but welp, how tf can I look into it if I can't study shit cause of my symptoms?? I just don't get any dopamine or whatever from doing these things like meditations or studying.

Tried reading books to self-improve but thanks to my symptoms, it's not interesting and I forget in a second what I read.

I'm listing all these things and if you tell me I'm making it up or whatever, I'd really love to tell you to f off but I'm not gonna.
I've always been respectful to others on the forums and you'd never see me arguing with someone. Thats the least I can do. So just try and put yourself in my place okay.

I've been on this path for well over 8 years, I haven't advanced a bit although finding this and dedicated I consider already a big step, anyway, I believe the above mentioned symptoms have been in my way throughout the years. I fucking HATE the feeling of being constantly stuck on the bottom and not being able to advance even a bit.

Yeah, I did managed to meditate constantly for about 2 months (wow, I know) few years back and then these symptoms hit again and I'm back at bottom.
Never managed to meditate for that long after it. And it just goes all in the same loop.

If you want to, you can call me mentally unstable, fine, whatever, just don't tell me do more meditations cause then you didn't read my post.

I am seriously thinking of using meds at this point if nothing comes out of this post, whatever, its unbearable to live like this knowing I can't advance for shit.

And please don't bring Gods into this "How would they feel, this or that". Just leave them out of this.

Just don't fucking call me lazy, I have these symptoms and it clearly makes me unable to do shit. I'm really loosing it.
I felt like I need to make this post and ask for help one last time here.

I would appreciate if you ask me if I have any other symptoms and I'd gladly answer.
I probably have more which I was unable to find. I want to just get through this and this place has gotten me throught some tough times and I hope that now I've finally discovered the roots of my problems.

And yes, I know I received help in past in my other threads and via emails about other symptoms and conditions, just I'm telling you now I am unable to be consistent with trying to implement them due to the bs I mentioned above.

These seem like symptoms of overstimulated brain. You need boredom to drastically decrease the brain's overall activity, especially the dopamine activity, it will feel awful for a few days, but you will begin to notice the changes, you just need to stick to the schedule.

Now is the time to prove yourself your own worth. Take charge of your life by literally doing nothing for a few hours everyday. I am serious, boredom will help you. Just sit for a few hours and do nothing, not even meditations. Though one can consider this to be void meditation on a lighter scale to bring yourself back on a proper track for better motion.

You literally have to do nothing, can you do this? Prove yourself.

If you are able to do the above for a few days, you will witness the change. Once you do feel the change, continue for a few more days or move on to Void meditation, which is the proper solution for this problem.
Along with it say positive affirmations about yourself before going to bed at night, and after waking up in the morning.

Do remember that it is your soul that needs to have ultimate control of over your body, not the brain. This is one of the things that an SS learns to do to achieve Magnum Opus.
It is your soul that is seeking help here, this is a positive sign that your soul is seeking to advance, and you can certainly fix these issues and improve. Believe in yourself.

Good Luck.
Hail Satan!

 

[BlueWizard]

I've read about that practice somewhere recently but I didn't try to implement it fully, I think I tried for an hour but failed.
Believe it was when I was reading about ADHD and stuff that one guy explained when mind doesn't want to focus on tasks to just then do absolutely nothing for some time until mind gets boring and starts to cooperate?

As for doing absolutely nothing, is going for a walk or even spending time outside but doing nothing, like just sitting outside for a few hours going to help or I literally need to make myself bored by doing absolutely nothing?
Thanks for reminding the importance of thar practice.

 

[AFODO]

Open Jos astro right now, type in your birth date and read trough all the information of your Pluto, Moon, Neptune, Moon, Saturn. I think these symphony have to do with Moon (memory) Pluto (extremes, emotions), Neptune (sensitiveness), Saturn (discipline)... For example a Mercury Moon aspect can give you inconsistancy. Altough I'm not good at astrology I just looked into this recently.

You should definitely start a freeing workings Asap. Write down your problems to a paper, now, do not care about the order or anything, just write them all down. Now choose the top 3
that is the worst of all, or what keeps you not advancing the most. At one time you can target one planet or one problem or one aspect between a two planets. Targeting more broadly won't be satisfactory.

Tomorrow start a freeing working, do it at least for 40 day, but this is the bare minimum, and in the next good day for a square, start a square. For example if you want to better your memory, start a mercury or moon square with the shorter vibrations. If you can't stand doing squares just sit or stand or something in front of your computer and use a counting app where you press a button it counts it. So that you don't fuck it up. And for the affirmation and directing, you should sit down, have big and slow breaths, and say the affirmation. for directing the energy, for example if you do this for the memory, imagine yourself as you have super memory, like people who can memories 1 billion digit of PI, or people who can paint down an entire city landscape from memory.

You can also start a runic working next to the freeing working, tomorrow. If you were to do only one meditation on a day, do this freeing working and the runic working if you start that also.

 

[AFODO]

As you start getting some discipline, consistency, start meditating again, first for a short time, and increase the time from there.
The introspective meditation by HPHC helps with memory also, in a nutshell, when you go to sleep go trough your whole day as detailed as possible.

As you start these workings you should rape yourself with exercises. For example sit outside down to the ground and swear that you won't stand up for 10 minutes.
The best if you have someone to help you this, just ask them to slap you as hard as they can if you can't complete the exercise. Just calm down yourself with slow but big breathing and that is, just sit there quietly. Or you can do anything that requires anything that you work towards.

..

This is how you solve these problems, now it's your turn to solve them.

 

[Henu the Great]

I've read about that practice somewhere recently but I didn't try to implement it fully, I think I tried for an hour but failed.
Believe it was when I was reading about ADHD and stuff that one guy explained when mind doesn't want to focus on tasks to just then do absolutely nothing for some time until mind gets boring and starts to cooperate?

As for doing absolutely nothing, is going for a walk or even spending time outside but doing nothing, like just sitting outside for a few hours going to help or I literally need to make myself bored by doing absolutely nothing?
Thanks for reminding the importance of thar practice.

Spiritual Reset Day / Dopamine Detox Day

It’s very common these days to get caught up in busy lives, cell phone notifications, emails, and so on; and to neglect or procrastinate spirituality. This forms the habit of not paying attention to priorities. Cell phone notifications, youtube videos, scrolling through social media, playing...

www.ancient-forums.com

But instead of a day, do it for a minimum of a week. And then keep it simple first to lay a foundation by focusing exclusively on cleaning, protection, and void meditation.

All you need to lay off is excessive brain stimulation so outside activities, exercising, social meetings books, and studying, to name a few examples, are more than fine.

 

[Niko_is_666]

As for doing absolutely nothing, is going for a walk or even spending time outside but doing nothing, like just sitting outside for a few hours going to help

If you can do all that, then it is fine.

But since you have mentioned hypersensitivity, impulsivity, and over-stressing in the original post, I do suggest you to do absolutely nothing for at least 3 or more days if you want, where you just sit in your home or go somewhere quiet to sit for a few hours. This will open you to engage better in other activities mentioned by Henu.

 

[Daemon Laplace]

Hi, I don't know if it helps you at this point, but I happened to write a related topic. It's a bit of a long read... but I'm hoping it might be useful to you.
isvdivdk

 

[Lucifigus]

BlueWizard, i think you have some mental disease. There is a God called Valefor, make his ritual, and when you are finished it should start healing process. When you do it, your physical, psychic and spirit will start healing. https://old.josrituals.org/Demons/Valefor_Power_Ritual.html

Also do Returning Curses part 1 and part 2. https://joyofsatan.org/Returning_Curses.html

Returning Curses Part 2

Also do Freeing the soul like others suggested.

Freeing the Soul

Lot of people said Valefor helped them to heal even incurable diseases.
Please tell if it helps.