Jack said:
Meteor said:
That's not what I had in mind, but I'm starting to get the feeling that you're joking a bit.
Yare yare daze.
In a way ,at a level i am always joking about everything because everything that common people do is funny in a way. Its called Divine Comedy (not to be confused with the actual book called Dante's Divine Comedy. )
In a way I'm laughing at life because I'm trying to do the opposite of nihilistic depression as a choice ,and I've made a decision to live according to my own terms. There is a psychological process of raising your consciousness and that requires the death of the ego multiple times and it feels that you are losing yourself and who you are, but then you realize that you were never really those things. It was just attached to you.
At a level of psychological conditioning your constantly in tune with what's important and what's not ,and people around you are the remainders most of the time. Little things they do remind you how in a trance they are, totally out of the loop of reality. Imagine if your literally in the matrix and your one of the only people who knows it's not real.
People complain sometimes that i keep zoning out while talking to them. Its not that I'm doing it consciously to disrespect them. Infact I'm trying to expend extra energy to try to catch what they're saying, but my unconscious just doesn't care most of the time. And what happens is Yogis develop a very depressive state as they're constantly being reminded of the pointlessness of the cannon fodders lives. But what i did to circumvent that was turn that into a joke. So when i see pointlessness and uselessness around me ,i take it as a dank joke from the universe which i call Divine Comedy. If i wasn't doing that ,i would have been branded anti social and confrontational but im generally smiling and people think that im just a guy whose in a good, vibrant mood all the time. But I'm actually finding their behavior funny because of how in trance and stupid they are. It really cracks me up.
I was sitting with my friends sipping a natural sweet concoction and the guy was complaining how he had a crush on the girl who was the gf of his friend. I started giggling because it was really funny due to the nonsensical and funny aspect of it. Then there was this girl who was talking about the kind of music she liked and the artists she followed and firstly i didn't know who tf any of these people were and secondly i don't like slow soft music. I like hard pop,rap or death metal or metal rock and pop. Again I was reminded of the pointlessness of it all ,which made me giggle and she thought i was insulting her. I changed the topic saying, "haha. You have such a sweet voice. You should make a YouTube channel and make me your manager. " I also thought how naive people are whrn they can be instantly manipulated like this.
This is all depressing and there's no point in living for most humans on this planet. This is a very very dark and depressive age and the only way i can deal with all of it ,is laugh at it as a sort of humor from the universe itself.
But i digress, im dead serious about ball gags, chains and rope. Also what did you have in mind ?
You remind me a bit of how my older brother used to be. He's always been incredibly good at reading people, and he's also really good at seeing the bigger picture of things. But in a way that broke him inside because of how lonely it made him to see all those things that others didn't. He became very cynical and depressed for years. He wanted an intellectual partner who could follow and stimulate his mind, but all the women he met were way too dumb and shallow and boring, or their minds were tainted by modern feminism, so he started to become rather cynical about that too.
He started doing drugs at some point with his friends to try and dumb down a bit. It was awful to see him let himself go like that, even if he seemed to be happier that way. I was really disappointed in him, and missed the former sharpness of his mind.
Then he met a woman who was different. She had been through a lot herself and initially shared his cynical outlook on life. But as they started dating, it's like they started to heal each other. I never saw him so happy before.
Last year they had a child, so they decided to be responsible and stopped doing drugs. Since then, it seems like my brother's sharpness has gradually been returning, but he's not falling into a hole of depression this time, since some of the issues he found with society aren't so relevant to him anymore now that he's not alone anymore.
I'm really grateful towards her for bringing him back to his senses and making him so happy. I saw him suffer so much all these years, but there wasn't so much I could do to help him myself, especially as I was struggling with my own problems as well.
If you haven't yet, I hope that you meet a girl like that as well someday. Someone who understand you a bit.
As I said in my other post, I apologise for misunderstanding and assuming you were joking.
I've experimented a lot back in the day, and over the years I was temporarily into many things, but then I lost interest in most of them again. It tied into various mental problems I had, which just kept changing over the years as I evolved as a person, and so did my interests. After I came to this path and started meditating and cleaning my Soul, my preferences became a lot more normal and stable; although I realise that what's normal from my perspective may not be normal from another's, and I do still have my own preferences. It's just that suddenly there was a clear distinction between things that had been natural for me in the first place, and things that weren't.
After that I reached the conclusion that mental problems can explain a lot of people's abnormal sexual behaviors and preferences, and are things that would be overcome with meditation and by cleaning the Soul. Now if I hear that someone has a sexual preference that I consider abnormal, I'm quick to assume that he/she has mental problems.
Stuff like physical and verbal violence and bondage are among the things I was interested in while I was depressed but completely lost interest in years ago, so I had categorised those as abnormal, because for me it wasn't natural. Therefore, I'm under the impression that women who want to be slapped and choked and tied up are problably fucked in the head. To hear that an advanced member like you is into women like that honestly surprised me a little.
I don't know what to make of it. Maybe this is just natural for you. Maybe there are women that it's just natural for. I haven't met enough people like that to know. I sincerely just don't know.
I respect you a lot for how seriously you take this path, so I don't think less of you for it. It just genuinely surprised me because that kind of stuff would really go against what I'm naturally like now that I'm in a better place mentally, so I assumed it was something that people overcome as they grow in this path... But I realise there may still be much I don't understand about human sexuality. I'm sorry if I was rude.
As for what I had in mind, after thinking about it I realise that's just my own personal preference rather than something that's necessarily normal. It's a bit complicated and embarrassing to explain in detail, but I'll do my best.
The kind of dominance I'm attracted to is rather subtle; perhaps what sets it apart from other kinds is that it specifically does not involve any negative means of control such as threats, intimidation, insults, violence or negative reinforcement. Rather, my partner gets me to do what he wants by making it what I want to do as well in a positive manner, such as by complimenting me, using logic to provoke me, or projecting his feelings on me in a way that causes mine to resonate with his, and I find that very attractive. I find it attractive if my partner is able to control me, but I find it extremely unattractive when someone hurts or disrespects me (although I used to be into that back in the day when I was depressed, but I think depression breeds unnatural behaviours), so that's probably how my preferences ended up like this.
