Life is a disaster, trying to fix it one step at a time.

[serpentwalker666]

Hello. I will make this short, but basically as the title says I have just been uncertain of how to proceed at this point.

I have looked into college, I cannot afford it or justify it as a career path at this point in my life as I'm at a point where I don't have enough money and I cannot work and study at the same time, I end up burning out quickly.

I have tried to pursue various other career paths, but I have burnt out from doing this and dealing with doing my best to be there for my partner and children who are having some difficulties and need me more present.

This is putting a huge strain on me as I cannot seem to find a job that will even hire me part time or with flexible shifts. Or if they do, they will outright lie to me and fuck me over. Then I have to figure that out later on.

I am looking into being a caregiver for my partner as a few months ago she was taking care of our children and had a seizure in the kitchen, and almost got badly burned on the oven.

Others have also witnessed her having seizures, while I was at work trying to make sure we have extra income coming in.

They happen randomly. And she cannot drive. So I make sure to run errands and do anything that needs done. I help with the children and with cleaning and everything else.

This job was inflexible to work with me. And I ended up leaving because of it. I completely burnt out from trying to do everything between my demanding job and what is going on at home.

My partner is considered disabled. So they receive an income from this. But it is not enough to cover other things, which I find jobs to work so I can cover unexpected expenses and other needed essentials.

On top of this, I have my own issues I struggle with as others have seen in my previous posts. I'm actively trying to sort this all out.

I feel like I am in 10 different directions every day trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing about any of this.

The bright side is I have self taught technical skills and am slowly becoming a self taught programmer. I can manage Linux and BSD systems as a self taught system administrator.

But the rate and time I have to study is so limited. I have to usually just cram as much information as I can to accomplish this sparingly.

Ultimately as a man i feel like I have failed. My self esteem is almost directly tied to how I need to support my children and my partner.

On top of this I also support my aging parents who need help with things.

My mom has chronic long term agoraphobia with mental illness who can't function in society. So I have to basically check in on her often and make sure she has anything that she needs or I help and do all the yard work.

I ended up losing all health insurance. I have no idea when or how I will be insured next. I cut my hand on glass and had to treat the wound myself even though it needed stitches, as I could not afford medical care.

Im unsure what my best course of action is.

Everything is going to be fine and I'll figure it out. But it's been this way for a few years. And I haven't been handling it the best.

The amount of mental stress I am under is extreme in trying solve everything here I mention.

 

[serpentwalker666]

I also want to make sure to clarify. I have been actively trying to address all of this for upwards of 3 to 4 years now. And I have just reached a point where I am incredibly enraged, as it's like I haven't gotten far from where I've started.

I've made considerable progress spiritually in this time frame. But as for anything else that needs done I detailed here, it's rather fucked with no clear route to take and no clear point to when it will be better.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

Hello. I will make this short, but basically as the title says I have just been uncertain of how to proceed at this point.

I have looked into college, I cannot afford it or justify it as a career path at this point in my life as I'm at a point where I don't have enough money and I cannot work and study at the same time, I end up burning out quickly.

I have tried to pursue various other career paths, but I have burnt out from doing this and dealing with doing my best to be there for my partner and children who are having some difficulties and need me more present.

This is putting a huge strain on me as I cannot seem to find a job that will even hire me part time or with flexible shifts. Or if they do, they will outright lie to me and fuck me over. Then I have to figure that out later on.

I am looking into being a caregiver for my partner as a few months ago she was taking care of our children and had a seizure in the kitchen, and almost got badly burned on the oven.

Others have also witnessed her having seizures, while I was at work trying to make sure we have extra income coming in.

They happen randomly. And she cannot drive. So I make sure to run errands and do anything that needs done. I help with the children and with cleaning and everything else.

This job was inflexible to work with me. And I ended up leaving because of it. I completely burnt out from trying to do everything between my demanding job and what is going on at home.

My partner is considered disabled. So they receive an income from this. But it is not enough to cover other things, which I find jobs to work so I can cover unexpected expenses and other needed essentials.

On top of this, I have my own issues I struggle with as others have seen in my previous posts. I'm actively trying to sort this all out.

I feel like I am in 10 different directions every day trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing about any of this.

The bright side is I have self taught technical skills and am slowly becoming a self taught programmer. I can manage Linux and BSD systems as a self taught system administrator.

But the rate and time I have to study is so limited. I have to usually just cram as much information as I can to accomplish this sparingly.

Ultimately as a man i feel like I have failed. My self esteem is almost directly tied to how I need to support my children and my partner.

On top of this I also support my aging parents who need help with things.

My mom has chronic long term agoraphobia with mental illness who can't function in society. So I have to basically check in on her often and make sure she has anything that she needs or I help and do all the yard work.

I ended up losing all health insurance. I have no idea when or how I will be insured next. I cut my hand on glass and had to treat the wound myself even though it needed stitches, as I could not afford medical care.

Im unsure what my best course of action is.

Everything is going to be fine and I'll figure it out. But it's been this way for a few years. And I haven't been handling it the best.

The amount of mental stress I am under is extreme in trying solve everything here I mention.

If you have to be present at home, not just for the sake of your relatives, but also your own health, then to me that points more at doing freelance work or building your own apps.
Otherwise, if you have an inflexible job, it seems like you would need to hire a caregiver or other help, as doing all of this on your own is a huge burden.

Regarding any schooling, there are systems like Coursera which allow one to progress at their own rate and take individual courses, along with the option to get a certificate. This could be more ideal for the situation you are in. Example. Also, each course has an "audit" option which lets you view it for free.

By the way, in regards to health insurance or other programs, are you taking full advantage of any social services?

Overall, I wouldn't say you have failed, because you are struggling in a difficult situation. Any other people in the same situation would struggle, too. There could be something with your perception of this, as in another case someone who would perform all these care-giving activities would be fully paid, as it is like a job of its own.

So if you are doing two jobs worth of work and also trying to study, then how can you attack yourself? Sure, the current situation is tough, but other people do not deal with such struggles. Another programmer in your field may have no family at all, let alone one that needs help, therefore they put all their effort into studying and outwardly appear more successful. You being pulled in multiple directions splits your energy and causes a perception of failure, despite of fulfilling many unique obligations within your situation.

If you had prior health problems, plus you have to help others, then you cannot really blame yourself for slowed career growth, as you are having to output energy in many areas, yet you are the one in need of help.

With the amount you are doing here, I honestly wonder if there is some way to apply as a caregiver both for your partner and mother, such as an extension of government aid. I wouldn't know off the top of my head about this, or if this was already covered by your partner's original compensation, but just pointing out that you are trying to do multiple jobs seemingly without pay here.

This is what I am referring to: https://www.usa.gov/disability-caregiver

More resources:

How To Become A Paid Caregiver For A Family Member

How To Become A Paid Caregiver For A Family Member

www.forbes.com

8 Ways To Avoid Caregiver Burnout, According To Experts

8 Ways To Avoid Caregiver Burnout, According To Experts

www.forbes.com

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

I've made considerable progress spiritually in this time frame. But as for anything else that needs done I detailed here, it's rather fucked with no clear route to take and no clear point to when it will be better.

By the way, the Raidho rune is connected with this, like finding success in an unknown situation. You could pair it with something like Fehu or Sowilo into a success working, which can implicitly include wealth generation, but also other factors of your situation.

 

[serpentwalker666]

If you have to be present at home, not just for the sake of your relatives, but also your own health, then to me that points more at doing freelance work or building your own apps.
Otherwise, if you have an inflexible job, it seems like you would need to hire a caregiver or other help, as doing all of this on your own is a huge burden.

Regarding any schooling, there are systems like Coursera which allow one to progress at their own rate and take individual courses, along with the option to get a certificate. This could be more ideal for the situation you are in. Example. Also, each course has an "audit" option which lets you view it for free.

By the way, in regards to health insurance or other programs, are you taking full advantage of any social services?

Overall, I wouldn't say you have failed, because you are struggling in a difficult situation. Any other people in the same situation would struggle, too. There could be something with your perception of this, as in another case someone who would perform all these care-giving activities would be fully paid, as it is like a job of its own.

So if you are doing two jobs worth of work and also trying to study, then how can you attack yourself? Sure, the current situation is tough, but other people do not deal with such struggles. Another programmer in your field may have no family at all, let alone one that needs help, therefore they put all their effort into studying and outwardly appear more successful. You being pulled in multiple directions splits your energy and causes a perception of failure, despite of fulfilling many unique obligations within your situation.

If you had prior help problems, plus you have to help others, then you cannot really blame yourself for slowed career growth, as you are having to output energy in many areas, yet you are the one in need of help.

With the amount you are doing here, I honestly wonder if there is some way to apply as a caregiver both for your partner and mother, such as an extension of government aid. I wouldn't know off the top of my head about this, or if this was already covered by your partner's original compensation, but just pointing out that you are trying to do multiple jobs seemingly without pay here.

This is what I am referring to: https://www.usa.gov/disability-caregiver

More resources:

How To Become A Paid Caregiver For A Family Member

How To Become A Paid Caregiver For A Family Member

www.forbes.com

8 Ways To Avoid Caregiver Burnout, According To Experts

8 Ways To Avoid Caregiver Burnout, According To Experts

www.forbes.com

I will look into coursea and a few others for certifications, as I agree that would be very helpful and a good idea.

I am in the process of getting my partner approved for me being their caregiver, and for the time being I've been networking and looking into finding something part time, but I will also see about freelancing as you have suggested, as I agree that sounds like a really good option.

I also deeply appreciate your understanding, many of my friends and others in my life have been a bit rude and not understanding towards what I deal with and how much I am drawn in different directions, and that along with the health issues I do have is indeed pretty difficult, it surely can be a challenge.

I will work on being more understanding with myself as I was not fully grasping that many others in life don't have these same struggles. It has been so long I've fought with everything I assumed this was just me not being strong enough.

I will try to be a bit more realistic with the slowed career growth as well, as I have usually just gotten angry and pushed myself harder which usually makes things more difficult.

Thank you so much Guardian Blitzkreig, you and other members here really seem to know how to deeply understand and put things into the proper perspective, it truly is amazing to see.

I will see what I can do with what has been mentioned here, and look into incorporating the Raidho rune to manifest wealth and unique opportunities for this specific situation.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

I will look into coursea and a few others for certifications, as I agree that would be very helpful and a good idea.

I am in the process of getting my partner approved for me being their caregiver, and for the time being I've been networking and looking into finding something part time, but I will also see about freelancing as you have suggested, as I agree that sounds like a really good option.

I also deeply appreciate your understanding, many of my friends and others in my life have been a bit rude and not understanding towards what I deal with and how much I am drawn in different directions, and that along with the health issues I do have is indeed pretty difficult, it surely can be a challenge.

I will work on being more understanding with myself as I was not fully grasping that many others in life don't have these same struggles. It has been so long I've fought with everything I assumed this was just me not being strong enough.

I will try to be a bit more realistic with the slowed career growth as well, as I have usually just gotten angry and pushed myself harder which usually makes things more difficult.

Thank you so much Guardian Blitzkreig, you and other members here really seem to know how to deeply understand and put things into the proper perspective, it truly is amazing to see.

I will see what I can do with what has been mentioned here, and look into incorporating the Raidho rune to manifest wealth and unique opportunities for this specific situation.

If you are assuming you are not strong enough, this can inadvertently sabotage other elements of both health and work, because both of these are related to solar energy. Of course, it is hard to say "just feel strong" when you are simultaneously in pain, but you can also remind yourself that your current outcomes are normal given the circumstance; they are not necessarily "below average".

In fact, it can also be the opposite in some ways, where you have learned how to live a life that deals with health struggles, not just of your own, but also others. Other people could likely learn from how you have lived your life, including the sacrifices you have made to make things work.

But on the same note you have to be careful of being over-sacrificial, as you had noted quitting your job, as well as in another post you mentioned not eating enough, almost getting in accidents, etc. While you are trying to push hard for growth, it is also possible to accidentally push beyond your limits and inadvertently collapse yourself.

Part of the Sun's "message" is egotistical because we need to first take in food or other rewards or money to create value at a later date. If you are not eating enough, this could be a physical manifestation of not feeling worthy of a reward, whether you are consciously not eating or not. The same can be true of taking breaks for oneself, which is a form of enjoying one's rewards, but also a time of energy recuperation.

The Raidho rune is one about one's path and created success out of this. This is actually a unique path because it is based on one's own environment. However, the environment can actually reflect one's own soul, skills, also family, and so on. So some amount of realism is needed when judging the self, because you could actually be making good progress, but just assuming you are not, like if you compare yourself to others' families, and so on.

It is better to reflect more on your own "story", which to me sounds like one of trying to do a lot for one's family, rather than the opposite. Other SS or programmers do not even have a family, nor do they call their mom, let alone do errands for her. From my perspective, your "story" seems to be one of achieving more with less, and also achieving while balancing the extensive needs of others. That in itself is worthy of pride, even if it is not immediately reflected in dollars within a bank account (although it could if you wrote a book or something).

I'm not sure if this reflects in your work even, but you could possibly market yourself as like a no-nonsense type of worker, if you are accustomed to trying to work with less energy. This can be billed as someone who is keen with efficiency and is also mindful of how we need our products to fit with our domestic life. Not sure if this is going overboard, but just brainstorming and also trying to show what other people may value in you. Are you at all interested in making apps or tools for people in a similar situation as yourself?

Please also note Azazel's runes of Raidho, Kenaz, and Sowilo, which all speak on this topic. Kenaz can be used to give both insight, but also unique skills for your situation. For example, maybe you would use it in combination with Raidho and this leads to an idea of work you can do from home, like a product idea or something.

 

[NetemPtah]

Everything you do is truly admirable. Material progress takes time.
You are a resilient person and will continue to be.
Focus on your well-being, particularly on a spiritual level, and if necessary turn away additional sources of thought and situations in which you have to give your energy, even if this may seem rude to some of those around you. For a while, even as a family, you will have to make sacrifices to safeguard your overall well-being. It is important to have the energy to face thoughts, without reaching exhaustion. Satan always watches his own.
Meditate, protect yourself, and focus your workings on Money. With resilience in your meditations, and time, you will surely find a solution. Material well-being is very important for a family.
This is the time to prioritize the things in your life and act accordingly.

 

[serpentwalker666]

If you are assuming you are not strong enough, this can inadvertently sabotage other elements of both health and work, because both of these are related to solar energy. Of course, it is hard to say "just feel strong" when you are simultaneously in pain, but you can also remind yourself that your current outcomes are normal given the circumstance; they are not necessarily "below average".

In fact, it can also be the opposite in some ways, where you have learned how to live a life that deals with health struggles, not just of your own, but also others. Other people could likely learn from how you have lived your life, including the sacrifices you have made to make things work.

But on the same note you have to be careful of being over-sacrificial, as you had noted quitting your job, as well as in another post you mentioned not eating enough, almost getting in accidents, etc. While you are trying to push hard for growth, it is also possible to accidentally push beyond your limits and inadvertently collapse yourself.

Part of the Sun's "message" is egotistical because we need to first take in food or other rewards or money to create value at a later date. If you are not eating enough, this could be a physical manifestation of not feeling worthy of a reward, whether you are consciously not eating or not. The same can be true of taking breaks for oneself, which is a form of enjoying one's rewards, but also a time of energy recuperation.

The Raidho rune is one about one's path and created success out of this. This is actually a unique path because it is based on one's own environment. However, the environment can actually reflect one's own soul, skills, also family, and so on. So some amount of realism is needed when judging the self, because you could actually be making good progress, but just assuming you are not, like if you compare yourself to others' families, and so on.

It is better to reflect more on your own "story", which to me sounds like one of trying to do a lot for one's family, rather than the opposite. Other SS or programmers do not even have a family, nor do they call their mom, let alone do errands for her. From my perspective, your "story" seems to be one of achieving more with less, and also achieving while balancing the extensive needs of others. That in itself is worthy of pride, even if it is not immediately reflected in dollars within a bank account (although it could if you wrote a book or something).

I'm not sure if this reflects in your work even, but you could possibly market yourself as like a no-nonsense type of worker, if you are accustomed to trying to work with less energy. This can be billed as someone who is keen with efficiency and is also mindful of how we need our products to fit with our domestic life. Not sure if this is going overboard, but just brainstorming and also trying to show what other people may value in you. Are you at all interested in making apps or tools for people in a similar situation as yourself?

Please also note Azazel's runes of Raidho, Kenaz, and Sowilo, which all speak on this topic. Kenaz can be used to give both insight, but also unique skills for your situation. For example, maybe you would use it in combination with Raidho and this leads to an idea of work you can do from home, like a product idea or something.

I see and understand what you mean. I have definitely pushed myself too far and had to reel back in some ways because of this.

I have been working on gaining knowledge and forming my next steps towards generating income, I have done alot of reading and studying into many different methods.

I have decided on a buisness model but lack the money and energy and time to properly implement it. Yes, i plan for it to be flexible for those who struggle as myself, but also a model geared towards a very strong work life balance, and a work from home based career path.

Yes, I am sure I would be interested in creating apps or something for others, I will have to look and see if this would be a good fit.

As I learn more I will properly implement and start this and see where it goes. As I deeply have grown to strongly dislike the very rigid nature of modern employment, I feel as though a flexible business that takes into account people sometimes have personal obligations and overall just want to enjoy life, would be a beneficial thing to give to the world.

Once I am able to, I will likely circle back to it and create it. For the time being I will do my best to find other ways of generating income that are realistic to my circumstances.

Being a caregiver for my partner I have in progress, I will probably have to just get a part time job or something freelance until I am approved for this, then work on business and skill sets gradually as I move forward. I will see how the runes can guide me.

I deeply appreciate your thoughts and guidance my Brother, you are as always an amazing member of our community, May Satan bless you and your life.

 

[serpentwalker666]

Everything you do is truly admirable. Material progress takes time.
You are a resilient person and will continue to be.
Focus on your well-being, particularly on a spiritual level, and if necessary turn away additional sources of thought and situations in which you have to give your energy, even if this may seem rude to some of those around you. For a while, even as a family, you will have to make sacrifices to safeguard your overall well-being. It is important to have the energy to face thoughts, without reaching exhaustion. Satan always watches his own.
Meditate, protect yourself, and focus your workings on Money. With resilience in your meditations, and time, you will surely find a solution. Material well-being is very important for a family.
This is the time to prioritize the things in your life and act accordingly.

Thank you for the kind words, I am humbled.

May Father Satan guide you and lead you to greatness.