Kundalini transformation problems

[Azorm]

Something similar to Ida and Pingala unison happened to me before few months. It felt like cold calm energy and raw hot energy united in my brain and after it, few weeks my consciousness barely was holding onto my physical body and I started feeling everything but not ordinary things...

My kundalini never listened to me at all, and activated itself just after few months of meditation, when my third eye opened a little bit, and some weird feels I would have back then, but it's nothing compared to this now. Also, I'm still really young, and I feel often that this all happened way too early for me, before I could even understand this all and take it seriously enough. When my snake started heating up my tailbone back then when I just started, I never bothered to really prepare myself nicely for it, because I always thought it will be so easy and I planned to not do much to secure a safe ascension later. So I neglected cleaning for a long time, believing I will have it easy no matter what. But, before almost 1 year from now, I realized how much I will probably struggle actually, because so much dirt is left in me, while my soul and my serpent is becoming more powerful everyday. I was too cocky for so much time, and never bothered to even build AoP, thinking how I don't need that. So, naturally I started noticing how fucked up I am. Some of my dirt even became more powerful over the time so my bodies started having problems. After I noticed it all, I started working to correct my stupid mistakes, but it seems it will not be easily corrected at all. I must pay the price for my stupidity. Price is so high, I want to die every day now.

Basically, I fucked up, I never managed to clean my mess really before my kundalini decided to start transformation. I never understood why my kundalini never listens to me, I have 0 control over it. I started trying just to be alive and sane, and because of some problems with my physical body and my life situation, giving up from meditations will destroy me even more, so I don't have that option. Or I either stay here on this path, or I get destroyed even more. I can't blame anyone who thinks how retarded I am and how this path is not for me, but I really have nowhere to go. I'm trying so hard now to clean myself and to correct my things that I have almost 0 time for anything else, my life is in ruins.... Just staying alive right now is such a success for me, kundalini energy is empowering every remaining ounce of dirt in me and destroying my mind. I'm so confused and I feel so much bad things all the time almost. I'm really irritated all the time and nervous, easy to hurt and confuse. Having disturbing mental images and hearing enemy voices is a normal thing too now. Often some stupid things triggers me so much past memories, some of them are from my past lives and I'm not sure what to do.

Sometimes I'm having some nice things too, but it's not suprising if they are followed by bad things. Like my aura pulsating and having rainbow colors waves coming from my bodies, I literally feel like I'm on drugs. I often can hear some music and I start falling in trance, my pineal gland awakens more and my minor upper chakras activate and create big halo around my head, butttt after it sometimes my whole bodies can feel color changes changing my mood and hormones, it's like having 50-100 different feels in one minute or even more. My cleaning lately bringed me some nice results and I'm not that bad all the time now, tho my best friend Shael had to start a working for me to keep me alive and sane, and also my Guardians and Demon friends also started helping me more and more. I can't hear much from them still, but when I start understanding something that they want to say to me, I usually try to listen to their advices now.

After some healing sessions I'm starting to have positive signs that things are getting better, like minty cold taste in mouth, nectar making me feel like in love for hours, feeling pulling and some spinning intense energy waves coming to my crown chakra, blockages in my arms and legs being more loose and my soul pillars becoming stronger finally, also sushumna is getting filled with golden energy more and more...

So, my biggest problem is now how to shield myself from others, because I end up picking their emotions and thoughts wayyy too often and it makes me confused even more. I have enough problems on my own. Now I have no idea who am I, what I am supposed to do, every often I have no idea often wft is happening around me or with me. Once I start talking one thing, the next I have no idea why did I said that or why did I done something, I keep changing my emotions and thinking patterns like crazy and picking everything from everyone else, even merging with them, picking up even the way they walk or talk...I feel sometimes that I'm everyone else and that I'm everywhere around me and I feel like I have no personality anymore.... I wish that I can know which feels and thoughts to toss aside, because my consciousness mistakes everything for it's own. I guess I need special work on my aura, to make it smaller and to filter some things out. I'm not having many ideas right now. Something like improved AoP...what mantras or runes could I use? Every advice is much welcome.

 

[darkmonkey666]

I think you will be ok. That sounds similar to what happened to me back when Neptune Conjuncted my Ascendant and I got sidtracked into drugs. I never let the process go that far and got scared by all the disturbing stuff. So I stopped it using drugs and alchohol that was really dumb and I quit meditating.

So now about a year back seriously into Satanism I have been doing kundalini yoga for awhile daily. I dont fully know if its supposed to be all one burst or if this goes on for years with the energy raising. I dont see it talked about anywhere on the JOS by an HP unless it was and I never found the message.

Last night I had a lot of energy bursts and strong heat on my spine but it all felt really positive and I was laughing after that. I dont think it can harm people but I am not so sure I like going through a process I know nothing about.

I think if I keep in mind the Gods are more powerful than this force within me and if something goes really bad they will step in ill be fine. That right there is allowing me not to fear it.

I know its wierd having something going on we have no control over I dont much like that aspect of it either.

 

[Taol]

When you are so sensitive to picking up everything..

What I am going to type next may not be exactly able to help you, but if most of those suggestions come through connecting with others, you could affirm to yourself, chakras and soul that they do not connect with anyone. Unless you specificly want it to.

And detaching from people..

There is also a description on the website either in the meditation or witchcraft sections that says that to use the color of the aether should help you get rid of the feelings of others or help you discern what is what at least.. weather or not the feeling is your own or not..

Personally.. I like being outside surrounded by nature the most.. it relaxes everything to me.. Even though plants and birds and such also carry their own things with them.. its way less harsh on you than being inside (if you have neigbours or the space is not feeling relaxed at all or other issues that could have to do with the electricity or otherwise) or around the concrete city..

 

[magus.immortalis]

I dont think it can harm people but I am not so sure I like going through a process I know nothing about.

I think if I keep in mind the Gods are more powerful than this force within me and if something goes really bad they will step in ill be fine. That right there is allowing me not to fear it.

I know its wierd having something going on we have no control over I dont much like that aspect of it either.

Just keep reading everything you possibly can about the Kundalini Awakening Process. Then you will know more about the process eventually. More than you know now. Knowledge helps and when something happens to you (symptom-wise) it won't be such a surprise because you can recall reading about it and know what's happening. If you don't know what's happening, ask Satan and/or your Guardian and they will guide you to the information you need to know.
I say this kindly.

My personal experience has shown me that my GD Marchosias and Satan have been looking out for me regarding the Kundalini Awakening Process. A lot of things have come up and have only gotten more intense. It's not unusual for me to experience these things, because I have read about other people experiencing them too. It's just the length of time it's been happening for and the intensity of it. I won't talk about the symptoms that I am experiencing right now in these public forums because I don't want infiltrators or the enemy thinking up creative ways to make life more difficult for me.

I've said it before, and I will say it again: I got my butt saved and out of pain, suffering and danger because of Marchosias, Satan, and my other Guardians. (In pertaining to the Kundalini Awakening Process.)
I am very grateful, appreciative and I don't think I would be alive today and doing well were it not for them.

I will also admit that I don't like what's going on with the Kundalini Awakening Process either but talking and trusting in Satan, that's a big one right there. It helps a lot.

I know you weren't asking for advice or anything, but I thought I'd share my own thoughts and give you some advice in friendliness. I hope that's okay.

Hail Satan!
Hail Marchosias!

 

[tandt]

Also to avoid picking up other people's emotions you should programe your aura to repel any and all negetive energies directly right back to the senders. When doing an AoP, it helps to condense the outer layer of the aura. It should be very solid and white gold like sun.
Also using condensing elements around the aura is said to be very helpful though haven' t done that yet.

 

[SdD]

Who would have thought that Azorm would be going through this ...

say they have a crystal that ground their sense of conscience going around, but unhappily I do not remember the name of the stone

 

[darkmonkey666]

I dont think it can harm people but I am not so sure I like going through a process I know nothing about.

I think if I keep in mind the Gods are more powerful than this force within me and if something goes really bad they will step in ill be fine. That right there is allowing me not to fear it.

I know its wierd having something going on we have no control over I dont much like that aspect of it either.

Just keep reading everything you possibly can about the Kundalini Awakening Process. Then you will know more about the process eventually. More than you know now. Knowledge helps and when something happens to you (symptom-wise) it won't be such a surprise because you can recall reading about it and know what's happening. If you don't know what's happening, ask Satan and/or your Guardian and they will guide you to the information you need to know.
I say this kindly.

My personal experience has shown me that my GD Marchosias and Satan have been looking out for me regarding the Kundalini Awakening Process. A lot of things have come up and have only gotten more intense. It's not unusual for me to experience these things, because I have read about other people experiencing them too. It's just the length of time it's been happening for and the intensity of it. I won't talk about the symptoms that I am experiencing right now in these public forums because I don't want infiltrators or the enemy thinking up creative ways to make life more difficult for me.

I've said it before, and I will say it again: I got my butt saved and out of pain, suffering and danger because of Marchosias, Satan, and my other Guardians. (In pertaining to the Kundalini Awakening Process.)
I am very grateful, appreciative and I don't think I would be alive today and doing well were it not for them.

I will also admit that I don't like what's going on with the Kundalini Awakening Process either but talking and trusting in Satan, that's a big one right there. It helps a lot.

I know you weren't asking for advice or anything, but I thought I'd share my own thoughts and give you some advice in friendliness. I hope that's okay.

Hail Satan!
Hail Marchosias!

Ok I will do what you said thanks for the advice. I tried to reveal more on this but it didnt go through now I know why I didnt think of the enemy angle of this I wont reveal too much more just that I am dealing with it like the person here is. I will search the forums on this. The odd thing you said the Gods would guide you to info on this well I think that already happened in a dream I was shown there is an article somewhere in the old forums in the form of me kind of being told to look it up (I dont know who told me that) I believe that will help me on this I will just have to really search to find it.

 

[NinRick]

Wow thanks you for sharing your situation! This is a great example of how important it is to keep psychic hygine up.

Also I wish you best of luck and succsess! You will make it through this! Just be strong and push through!

Remember you are not alone you are Satan‘s child!

HAIL SATAN AND ALL POWERS OF HELL!

 

[Shael]

say they have a crystal that ground their sense of conscience going around, but unhappily I do not remember the name of the stone

Two stones I know of that are said to have these properties, are the Herkimer Diamond and the Gem Silica.

 

[Azorm]

I think you will be ok. That sounds similar to what happened to me back when Neptune Conjuncted my Ascendant and I got sidtracked into drugs. I never let the process go that far and got scared by all the disturbing stuff. So I stopped it using drugs and alchohol that was really dumb and I quit meditating.

So now about a year back seriously into Satanism I have been doing kundalini yoga for awhile daily. I dont fully know if its supposed to be all one burst or if this goes on for years with the energy raising. I dont see it talked about anywhere on the JOS by an HP unless it was and I never found the message.

Last night I had a lot of energy bursts and strong heat on my spine but it all felt really positive and I was laughing after that. I dont think it can harm people but I am not so sure I like going through a process I know nothing about.

I think if I keep in mind the Gods are more powerful than this force within me and if something goes really bad they will step in ill be fine. That right there is allowing me not to fear it.

I know its wierd having something going on we have no control over I dont much like that aspect of it either.

I'm getting better slowly it seems
My Guardians cleaned me in a hugeee working before 2 days, I guess they also got fed up with my situation. Now I feel saner than ever, just still must make some special protective layers on my aura.

From your energy I can sense that we are similar in some things, maybe even having same natal chart ruler or some similar placements, so probably we are struggling with similar things sometimes. I'm naturally more sensitive to energies, but after my kundalini transformation started, all of my things, be it good or bad are amplified most of the time. So, if I am happy, probably I will feel even happier. Often, while trying to clean myself more from traumas and supressed dirt, dirt sometimes can come out from chakras extensions or from another bodies, and can fill my chakras and aura with so much dirt, and then my kundalini energy starts making me feel really depressed or even insane. It's really hard to do anything then...but serpent's energy often will try to clean our blockages on it's own, it will try to break through our nadis so it can clean them and prepare them for a real thing. Whatever the reason is, if you have left some dirt somewhere in this process, you will have to deal with it on this way or another. And, also, whatever you have already in you, some talents or traits, it will also become stronger and you will have to figure out what to do. Knowing yourself and balacing your unstable traits can help you in your Kundalini transformation
I'm sure we both will be okay.

My Guardians are more than capable to help me, and they saved me a bunch of times already. Tho, in last few months I was panicking and was unable to think straight so I always thought that I'm burden to them and that they will abandon me. How stupid of me. They love me, no reason to abandon me at all....
I'm confused still no matter how much I'm trying to inform myself on this, but best for us both is to focus more on the energies and guidance of our Guardians so they can help us even more. Some people have it easy here , some people do mistakes and struggle, but usually it ends up okay if they have guidance and if they listen. And also how long this all takes and how quick raising will be, it all depends on you. It might take few days or weeks or even years. Just keep cleaning yourself from your traumas and karmic dirt. Make sure to clean any remains of drugs, I once had to clean one person who used drugs for years, his whole aura and soul had weird negative energies of drugs, usually around 6. Chakra and inside... Don't try something so stupid again, no need to feel scared ( I'm maybe not the best person to tell you this XD) you just need to figure out how to fix few things in yourself, it might be much easier than you think

 

[Azorm]

When you are so sensitive to picking up everything..

What I am going to type next may not be exactly able to help you, but if most of those suggestions come through connecting with others, you could affirm to yourself, chakras and soul that they do not connect with anyone. Unless you specificly want it to.

And detaching from people..

There is also a description on the website either in the meditation or witchcraft sections that says that to use the color of the aether should help you get rid of the feelings of others or help you discern what is what at least.. weather or not the feeling is your own or not..

Personally.. I like being outside surrounded by nature the most.. it relaxes everything to me.. Even though plants and birds and such also carry their own things with them.. its way less harsh on you than being inside (if you have neigbours or the space is not feeling relaxed at all or other issues that could have to do with the electricity or otherwise) or around the concrete city..

You actually gave me some ideas for my new AoP. I never expected to find my solution easily but, I think I will try that with Aether( I have high hopes for this) and I will try to program myself to stop picking everything so easily. I don't want to fuck this up, so that I end up in even more problems, that's why I asked for some advices.
I can't be in nature at all lately. I'm stuck in the middle of the city, busy for all day long most of the time, I must be around normies... I can shield myself from negative things from others usually, but other things are pissing me off too. If I could I would go to the mountains to live on the tree alone with some birds now XD

I guess some people also tend to take too much care about what other people think or feel. My family forced me to stress about everyone's opinion and feels while I was a kid, so probably I also need to chill the fuck out, so my aura will also start to pick up everyone's things less. Time to not care so much...

Also to avoid picking up other people's emotions you should programe your aura to repel any and all negetive energies directly right back to the senders. When doing an AoP, it helps to condense the outer layer of the aura. It should be very solid and white gold like sun.
Also using condensing elements around the aura is said to be very helpful though haven' t done that yet.

Making some new layers and things. Little bit of sun's energies will be fine, maybe fire, or even crystals. I will have to try some shields, or even programming my chakras and taking those energies on my outer layers on my aura.

Aura actually seems to be thinking with us , even when we are not noticing it, it's alive just as we are, doing things on it's own all the time..

 

[Azorm]

Wow thanks you for sharing your situation! This is a great example of how important it is to keep psychic hygine up.

Also I wish you best of luck and succsess! You will make it through this! Just be strong and push through!

Remember you are not alone you are Satan‘s child!

HAIL SATAN AND ALL POWERS OF HELL!

Thanks, I'm trying my best here ^^

I'm good right now, thanks to my Guardians. Hopefully nothing will go wrong again. I had worst time of my life, now Sorath decided to train my mind and to clean me from some things, so I never fall so low again. This transformation can be good if you are clean and strong, but lot of people if not all fuck up somewhere in this all, so I guess I should just move on and to try to raise this without stressing so much....

Cleaning is maybe most important part of our meditations, because the more clean we are the less chances are for us to ruin ourselves, no matter in which phase we are. Also, knowing how much enemy is controling us through our dirt, it's extremely dangerous to let it stay for long in us.


Cleaning is actually much more than just removing dirt with a ball of sun's energy, it's also about being strong and facing our own fears and traumas, to know what is chaining us and opening us to the enemy.

So, cleaning ourselves is something that should be done on many levels, something that will make also our emotions and our thoughts more pure and in check. Knowing how much I neglected almost any form of a cleaning and protection in the beginning, thinking just how everything will work out somehow in the end was one of my most foolish things that I have done. I was completely unprepared too when this all started, so enemy sensed a little bit dirt in me that I struggled with when this all started, and attacked me heavily, binded me, and sometimes I could feel them trying to control me through it, empowering my dirt even more in this process. As I haven't struggled enough with my own dirt... then they ruined me even more, blocking my Kundalini energy from raising and all. Stupid reptilians, just how nasty creatures they are...

People really need to prepare themselves before this as much as possible. Don't blame your meditations or Demons when you start struggling with this, it's mostly the amount of cleaning and work on yourself that will determine how much struggles you will have.

 

[magus.immortalis]

I dont think it can harm people but I am not so sure I like going through a process I know nothing about.

I think if I keep in mind the Gods are more powerful than this force within me and if something goes really bad they will step in ill be fine. That right there is allowing me not to fear it.

I know its wierd having something going on we have no control over I dont much like that aspect of it either.

Just keep reading everything you possibly can about the Kundalini Awakening Process. Then you will know more about the process eventually. More than you know now. Knowledge helps and when something happens to you (symptom-wise) it won't be such a surprise because you can recall reading about it and know what's happening. If you don't know what's happening, ask Satan and/or your Guardian and they will guide you to the information you need to know.
I say this kindly.

My personal experience has shown me that my GD Marchosias and Satan have been looking out for me regarding the Kundalini Awakening Process. A lot of things have come up and have only gotten more intense. It's not unusual for me to experience these things, because I have read about other people experiencing them too. It's just the length of time it's been happening for and the intensity of it. I won't talk about the symptoms that I am experiencing right now in these public forums because I don't want infiltrators or the enemy thinking up creative ways to make life more difficult for me.

I've said it before, and I will say it again: I got my butt saved and out of pain, suffering and danger because of Marchosias, Satan, and my other Guardians. (In pertaining to the Kundalini Awakening Process.)
I am very grateful, appreciative and I don't think I would be alive today and doing well were it not for them.

I will also admit that I don't like what's going on with the Kundalini Awakening Process either but talking and trusting in Satan, that's a big one right there. It helps a lot.

I know you weren't asking for advice or anything, but I thought I'd share my own thoughts and give you some advice in friendliness. I hope that's okay.

Hail Satan!
Hail Marchosias!

Ok I will do what you said thanks for the advice. I tried to reveal more on this but it didnt go through now I know why I didnt think of the enemy angle of this I wont reveal too much more just that I am dealing with it like the person here is. I will search the forums on this. The odd thing you said the Gods would guide you to info on this well I think that already happened in a dream I was shown there is an article somewhere in the old forums in the form of me kind of being told to look it up (I dont know who told me that) I believe that will help me on this I will just have to really search to find it.

You're welcome. Glad to be of help.
Yes I find the gods do reach to use through whatever means we are most receptive to and will remember.
Good luck on finding that article!

Hail Satan!

 

[Taol]

When you are so sensitive to picking up everything..

What I am going to type next may not be exactly able to help you, but if most of those suggestions come through connecting with others, you could affirm to yourself, chakras and soul that they do not connect with anyone. Unless you specificly want it to.

And detaching from people..

There is also a description on the website either in the meditation or witchcraft sections that says that to use the color of the aether should help you get rid of the feelings of others or help you discern what is what at least.. weather or not the feeling is your own or not..

Personally.. I like being outside surrounded by nature the most.. it relaxes everything to me.. Even though plants and birds and such also carry their own things with them.. its way less harsh on you than being inside (if you have neigbours or the space is not feeling relaxed at all or other issues that could have to do with the electricity or otherwise) or around the concrete city..

You actually gave me some ideas for my new AoP. I never expected to find my solution easily but, I think I will try that with Aether( I have high hopes for this) and I will try to program myself to stop picking everything so easily. I don't want to fuck this up, so that I end up in even more problems, that's why I asked for some advices.
I can't be in nature at all lately. I'm stuck in the middle of the city, busy for all day long most of the time, I must be around normies... I can shield myself from negative things from others usually, but other things are pissing me off too. If I could I would go to the mountains to live on the tree alone with some birds now XD

I guess some people also tend to take too much care about what other people think or feel. My family forced me to stress about everyone's opinion and feels while I was a kid, so probably I also need to chill the fuck out, so my aura will also start to pick up everyone's things less. Time to not care so much...

Look, as a child, you're usually normally more concerned with yourself, and why shouldn't you. You're living a first person worldview.
Always thinking about others, keeping up appearances, basicly means that you are scared to be yourself. Be yourself.
Don't be afraid to be judged, fall or stumble. There are people that appreciate honest people more than those that keep up appearances.
After all, it is about happiness. You wouldn't be happy if you have to be constantly concerned about others.

That said, there is a difference between caring about other people if they're hurt or whatever, and between being overly concerned about how others view you.

Also, I do not know entirely in what way you meant 'stress about everybodies feel and opinion'.. If a decision is bad, very bad, their opinion does not matter if they think its good. Unless its about making a decision for yourself. You're free to do what you want.
As for to be considerate of how others are feeling.. if you stop yourself from saying what you want to say, because you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings.. there can be a tendency of letting others 'walk over you' or use or abuse you even in the worst case.
That is absolutely useless to take and can harm your soul or yourself in the progress very much.

Listening and caring about others also means that you are able to say 'no' and to make your own decisions, to have your own strength basicly. You need a healthy balance on those matters.
And some people are naturally more towards the latter than the caring part and that is fine too.

Just keep in mind.. there is a difference between saying righteous things and utterly harming someone with words or cussing them out for whatever small reason.

Also.. I'll add this here.. to help others.. you need your own strength for that. It is not about shutting yourself out or opening yourself up entirely to be there with all love for them like the xian gawd tells you to, and endlessly giving yourself away.
You have your own life to deal with your own ups and downs, and not every day is going the same.
This is why I say you need to have your own strength, stand in your own strength and go from there, not from eternally giving yourself away.

 

[Azorm]

When you are so sensitive to picking up everything..

What I am going to type next may not be exactly able to help you, but if most of those suggestions come through connecting with others, you could affirm to yourself, chakras and soul that they do not connect with anyone. Unless you specificly want it to.

And detaching from people..

There is also a description on the website either in the meditation or witchcraft sections that says that to use the color of the aether should help you get rid of the feelings of others or help you discern what is what at least.. weather or not the feeling is your own or not..

Personally.. I like being outside surrounded by nature the most.. it relaxes everything to me.. Even though plants and birds and such also carry their own things with them.. its way less harsh on you than being inside (if you have neigbours or the space is not feeling relaxed at all or other issues that could have to do with the electricity or otherwise) or around the concrete city..

You actually gave me some ideas for my new AoP. I never expected to find my solution easily but, I think I will try that with Aether( I have high hopes for this) and I will try to program myself to stop picking everything so easily. I don't want to fuck this up, so that I end up in even more problems, that's why I asked for some advices.
I can't be in nature at all lately. I'm stuck in the middle of the city, busy for all day long most of the time, I must be around normies... I can shield myself from negative things from others usually, but other things are pissing me off too. If I could I would go to the mountains to live on the tree alone with some birds now XD

I guess some people also tend to take too much care about what other people think or feel. My family forced me to stress about everyone's opinion and feels while I was a kid, so probably I also need to chill the fuck out, so my aura will also start to pick up everyone's things less. Time to not care so much...

Look, as a child, you're usually normally more concerned with yourself, and why shouldn't you. You're living a first person worldview.
Always thinking about others, keeping up appearances, basicly means that you are scared to be yourself. Be yourself.
Don't be afraid to be judged, fall or stumble. There are people that appreciate honest people more than those that keep up appearances.
After all, it is about happiness. You wouldn't be happy if you have to be constantly concerned about others.

That said, there is a difference between caring about other people if they're hurt or whatever, and between being overly concerned about how others view you.

Also, I do not know entirely in what way you meant 'stress about everybodies feel and opinion'.. If a decision is bad, very bad, their opinion does not matter if they think its good. Unless its about making a decision for yourself. You're free to do what you want.
As for to be considerate of how others are feeling.. if you stop yourself from saying what you want to say, because you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings.. there can be a tendency of letting others 'walk over you' or use or abuse you even in the worst case.
That is absolutely useless to take and can harm your soul or yourself in the progress very much.

Listening and caring about others also means that you are able to say 'no' and to make your own decisions, to have your own strength basicly. You need a healthy balance on those matters.
And some people are naturally more towards the latter than the caring part and that is fine too.

Just keep in mind.. there is a difference between saying righteous things and utterly harming someone with words or cussing them out for whatever small reason.

Also.. I'll add this here.. to help others.. you need your own strength for that. It is not about shutting yourself out or opening yourself up entirely to be there with all love for them like the xian gawd tells you to, and endlessly giving yourself away.
You have your own life to deal with your own ups and downs, and not every day is going the same.
This is why I say you need to have your own strength, stand in your own strength and go from there, not from eternally giving yourself away.

Thanks for your advices. I understand what you want to say...I'm trying my best to fix my issues.

I'm learning to be confident and yet to not harm everyone around me, which is hard for me, because I either keep my confidence and strenght and hurt everybody around, or I become really shy, passive and anxious. I have SaturnR in my fire and everytime I manage to deal with this I burn everyone, but also I'm empath in the same time, so I need to balance this and to learn when to use what.

I naturally keep feeling things around me but passively picking up everything around me can ruin my life, and in previous lifetimes often it did. And knowing how much my family made me anxious about how it's important that everybody thinks the best about me it's making things even worser. No I don't need to pick how my neighbour feels about me, nor what some random person over there feels. I hate how often everytime I go somewhere so many people are staring at me and having reactions, it's making me feel like shit, I just somehow make strong impressions in everybody, and I have to accept that not everybody will like me. I must learn to turn off this sometimes in some situations.

I feel very guilty subconsciously because I can't make everybody happy, and enemy knows this, that's why they managed to manipulate me few times and even to convince me that I will ruin everybody with my power, yet, my power is here for a good reason and as soon as I learn to balance my things, it should be fine. I agree with everthing you said, but this is the most hardest lesson for me tbh, that's why I struggle with those things so much.

 

[Taol]

Thanks for your advices. I understand what you want to say...I'm trying my best to fix my issues.
...
I naturally keep feeling things around me but passively picking up everything around me can ruin my life, and in previous lifetimes often it did. And knowing how much my family made me anxious about how it's important that everybody thinks the best about me it's making things even worser. No I don't need to pick how my neighbour feels about me, nor what some random person over there feels. I hate how often everytime I go somewhere so many people are staring at me and having reactions, it's making me feel like shit, I just somehow make strong impressions in everybody, and I have to accept that not everybody will like me. I must learn to turn off this sometimes in some situations.

I feel very guilty subconsciously because I can't make everybody happy, and enemy knows this, that's why they managed to manipulate me few times and even to convince me that I will ruin everybody with my power, yet, my power is here for a good reason and as soon as I learn to balance my things, it should be fine. I agree with everthing you said, but this is the most hardest lesson for me tbh, that's why I struggle with those things so much.

It can be frightening to know what someone else is thinking about you and you always want to be the best and not possibly harmed.
But.. aside from me saying 'as such is the world today' there will always be people that disagree with you, or say things with the best intent that may actually come across as painful or mean.
You shouldn't be afraid of that.

I was afraid myself of stuff and I've been bullied in the past. Dealing with the negative crap that comes from those people would be a pain in the butt from day to day life. Even so, we must continue on. Do not let it get to you.

I've made some very unwise decisions in the past, but I am here now and over time, most of the things that I made mistakes with in this life have been fixed so far. Let me say to you, that I am not afraid of talking to you, or jumping in an argument, even if I can't do anything about it and possibly make a fool of myself. It is very hard to remember every little detail of such an argument anyway and most people nowadays have low enough IQ that they'd probably remember very little of it themselves.

 

[ceidauilyc]

Something similar to Ida and Pingala unison happened to me before few months. It felt like cold calm energy and raw hot energy united in my brain and after it, few weeks my consciousness barely was holding onto my physical body and I started feeling everything but not ordinary things...

My kundalini never listened to me at all, and activated itself just after few months of meditation, when my third eye opened a little bit, and some weird feels I would have back then, but it's nothing compared to this now. Also, I'm still really young, and I feel often that this all happened way too early for me, before I could even understand this all and take it seriously enough. When my snake started heating up my tailbone back then when I just started, I never bothered to really prepare myself nicely for it, because I always thought it will be so easy and I planned to not do much to secure a safe ascension later. So I neglected cleaning for a long time, believing I will have it easy no matter what. But, before almost 1 year from now, I realized how much I will probably struggle actually, because so much dirt is left in me, while my soul and my serpent is becoming more powerful everyday. I was too cocky for so much time, and never bothered to even build AoP, thinking how I don't need that. So, naturally I started noticing how fucked up I am. Some of my dirt even became more powerful over the time so my bodies started having problems. After I noticed it all, I started working to correct my stupid mistakes, but it seems it will not be easily corrected at all. I must pay the price for my stupidity. Price is so high, I want to die every day now.

Basically, I fucked up, I never managed to clean my mess really before my kundalini decided to start transformation. I never understood why my kundalini never listens to me, I have 0 control over it. I started trying just to be alive and sane, and because of some problems with my physical body and my life situation, giving up from meditations will destroy me even more, so I don't have that option. Or I either stay here on this path, or I get destroyed even more. I can't blame anyone who thinks how retarded I am and how this path is not for me, but I really have nowhere to go. I'm trying so hard now to clean myself and to correct my things that I have almost 0 time for anything else, my life is in ruins.... Just staying alive right now is such a success for me, kundalini energy is empowering every remaining ounce of dirt in me and destroying my mind. I'm so confused and I feel so much bad things all the time almost. I'm really irritated all the time and nervous, easy to hurt and confuse. Having disturbing mental images and hearing enemy voices is a normal thing too now. Often some stupid things triggers me so much past memories, some of them are from my past lives and I'm not sure what to do.

Sometimes I'm having some nice things too, but it's not suprising if they are followed by bad things. Like my aura pulsating and having rainbow colors waves coming from my bodies, I literally feel like I'm on drugs. I often can hear some music and I start falling in trance, my pineal gland awakens more and my minor upper chakras activate and create big halo around my head, butttt after it sometimes my whole bodies can feel color changes changing my mood and hormones, it's like having 50-100 different feels in one minute or even more. My cleaning lately bringed me some nice results and I'm not that bad all the time now, tho my best friend Shael had to start a working for me to keep me alive and sane, and also my Guardians and Demon friends also started helping me more and more. I can't hear much from them still, but when I start understanding something that they want to say to me, I usually try to listen to their advices now.

After some healing sessions I'm starting to have positive signs that things are getting better, like minty cold taste in mouth, nectar making me feel like in love for hours, feeling pulling and some spinning intense energy waves coming to my crown chakra, blockages in my arms and legs being more loose and my soul pillars becoming stronger finally, also sushumna is getting filled with golden energy more and more...

So, my biggest problem is now how to shield myself from others, because I end up picking their emotions and thoughts wayyy too often and it makes me confused even more. I have enough problems on my own. Now I have no idea who am I, what I am supposed to do, every often I have no idea often wft is happening around me or with me. Once I start talking one thing, the next I have no idea why did I said that or why did I done something, I keep changing my emotions and thinking patterns like crazy and picking everything from everyone else, even merging with them, picking up even the way they walk or talk...I feel sometimes that I'm everyone else and that I'm everywhere around me and I feel like I have no personality anymore.... I wish that I can know which feels and thoughts to toss aside, because my consciousness mistakes everything for it's own. I guess I need special work on my aura, to make it smaller and to filter some things out. I'm not having many ideas right now. Something like improved AoP...what mantras or runes could I use? Every advice is much welcome.

To shielf yourself from others, I recommend wearing a [https://shop.atperrys.com/blogs/healing-crystals-blog/complete-guide-to-black-tourmaline-meanings-and-uses]black tourmaline[/https://shop.atperrys.com/blogs/healing-crystals-blog/complete-guide-to-black-tourmaline-meanings-and-uses] pendant or earring so that it keeps connected to your chakras throughout the time you're wearing it. Black tourmaline has the ability to absorb negativity and cleanse you. You can also red jasper in the mix as this is a sacral chakra issue. How are you feeling now?

 

[luis]

Something similar to Ida and Pingala unison happened to me before few months. It felt like cold calm energy and raw hot energy united in my brain and after it, few weeks my consciousness barely was holding onto my physical body and I started feeling everything but not ordinary things...

My kundalini never listened to me at all, and activated itself just after few months of meditation, when my third eye opened a little bit, and some weird feels I would have back then, but it's nothing compared to this now. Also, I'm still really young, and I feel often that this all happened way too early for me, before I could even understand this all and take it seriously enough. When my snake started heating up my tailbone back then when I just started, I never bothered to really prepare myself nicely for it, because I always thought it will be so easy and I planned to not do much to secure a safe ascension later. So I neglected cleaning for a long time, believing I will have it easy no matter what. But, before almost 1 year from now, I realized how much I will probably struggle actually, because so much dirt is left in me, while my soul and my serpent is becoming more powerful everyday. I was too cocky for so much time, and never bothered to even build AoP, thinking how I don't need that. So, naturally I started noticing how fucked up I am. Some of my dirt even became more powerful over the time so my bodies started having problems. After I noticed it all, I started working to correct my stupid mistakes, but it seems it will not be easily corrected at all. I must pay the price for my stupidity. Price is so high, I want to die every day now.

Basically, I fucked up, I never managed to clean my mess really before my kundalini decided to start transformation. I never understood why my kundalini never listens to me, I have 0 control over it. I started trying just to be alive and sane, and because of some problems with my physical body and my life situation, giving up from meditations will destroy me even more, so I don't have that option. Or I either stay here on this path, or I get destroyed even more. I can't blame anyone who thinks how retarded I am and how this path is not for me, but I really have nowhere to go. I'm trying so hard now to clean myself and to correct my things that I have almost 0 time for anything else, my life is in ruins.... Just staying alive right now is such a success for me, kundalini energy is empowering every remaining ounce of dirt in me and destroying my mind. I'm so confused and I feel so much bad things all the time almost. I'm really irritated all the time and nervous, easy to hurt and confuse. Having disturbing mental images and hearing enemy voices is a normal thing too now. Often some stupid things triggers me so much past memories, some of them are from my past lives and I'm not sure what to do.

Sometimes I'm having some nice things too, but it's not suprising if they are followed by bad things. Like my aura pulsating and having rainbow colors waves coming from my bodies, I literally feel like I'm on drugs. I often can hear some music and I start falling in trance, my pineal gland awakens more and my minor upper chakras activate and create big halo around my head, butttt after it sometimes my whole bodies can feel color changes changing my mood and hormones, it's like having 50-100 different feels in one minute or even more. My cleaning lately bringed me some nice results and I'm not that bad all the time now, tho my best friend Shael had to start a working for me to keep me alive and sane, and also my Guardians and Demon friends also started helping me more and more. I can't hear much from them still, but when I start understanding something that they want to say to me, I usually try to listen to their advices now.

After some healing sessions I'm starting to have positive signs that things are getting better, like minty cold taste in mouth, nectar making me feel like in love for hours, feeling pulling and some spinning intense energy waves coming to my crown chakra, blockages in my arms and legs being more loose and my soul pillars becoming stronger finally, also sushumna is getting filled with golden energy more and more...

So, my biggest problem is now how to shield myself from others, because I end up picking their emotions and thoughts wayyy too often and it makes me confused even more. I have enough problems on my own. Now I have no idea who am I, what I am supposed to do, every often I have no idea often wft is happening around me or with me. Once I start talking one thing, the next I have no idea why did I said that or why did I done something, I keep changing my emotions and thinking patterns like crazy and picking everything from everyone else, even merging with them, picking up even the way they walk or talk...I feel sometimes that I'm everyone else and that I'm everywhere around me and I feel like I have no personality anymore.... I wish that I can know which feels and thoughts to toss aside, because my consciousness mistakes everything for it's own. I guess I need special work on my aura, to make it smaller and to filter some things out. I'm not having many ideas right now. Something like improved AoP...what mantras or runes could I use? Every advice is much welcome.

To shielf yourself from others, I recommend wearing a [https://shop.atperrys.com/blogs/healing-crystals-blog/complete-guide-to-black-tourmaline-meanings-and-uses]black tourmaline[/https://shop.atperrys.com/blogs/healing-crystals-blog/complete-guide-to-black-tourmaline-meanings-and-uses] pendant or earring so that it keeps connected to your chakras throughout the time you're wearing it. Black tourmaline has the ability to absorb negativity and cleanse you. You can also red jasper in the mix as this is a sacral chakra issue. How are you feeling now?

Props are useless unless you programm them. If you want to use something like that you need to use an affirmation on it for 40 days or if you don't want to do it this much every month for 10 days you can programm it.

To be honest a simple aura of protection on yourself is enough, of course if you use mantra's is even more powerful. My go to is the Returning curses 1 and 2.