If you live in "israel" and people call you 'Dudu', which of these names are they calling you?
Daniel
David
Dov
To ensure your children stay in Israel, give them un-emigratable names!
Basically everyone in Israel has family members living in the US. (Israelis also believe that the US is approximately the size of, say, Jordan, when in fact even Jordan is smaller than my home state of Pennsylvania. "Oh, you come from Pennsylvania? My brother-in-law's cousin lives in Montana! That's close by, right?")
[My Note - that's the same with stupefied jewmericans - "Oh, you're from Land's End? My cousin lives in John o' Groats. Do you know him?"]
To prevent our hypothetical future kids from joining this reverse exodus, my husband and I have come up with a brilliant idea: give them names that will be horribly embarrassing anywhere outside Israel.
Some of our favorites (these are all actually common Israeli names):
Osnat
In Hebrew: pretty girl's name that comes from the tanach (Yosef's wife)
In English: gray matter that comes of nose when one sneezes
Inbal
In Hebrew: pretty girl's name related to the ringer of a bell
In English: sounds like a painful medical condition
Dudu
In Hebrew: nickname for guy's name starting with "d," just as "Bibi" is nickname for Benyamin Netanyahu
In English: sure to get child beaten up in kindergarten
Moran
In Hebrew: girl's name that comes from a pretty flower that blooms in the spring (see my wildflower pictures below)
In English: self-explanatory
Shai
In Hebrew: nice macho guy's name (possibly short for Avishai or another biblical name)
In English: would be especially embarrassing to an already shy person. ("Tal" is another name that might keep son in Israel if he's short.)
Chen
In Hebrew: girl's name meaning grace, pleasantness
In English: once readers understand that daughter is not Chinese and get past the pronunciation of chet, the hen jokes begin... (I also think it might not be so easy for a guy to be named "Dov," despite the fact that this is a manly name based on the word for "bear.") Right up there is the girl's name "Segal."
Oded
In Hebrew: nice boy's name meaning prophet
In English: I'll admit that this name sounds fine to me in English, but when one of my Brit friends gave this name to her son, her parents were shocked she would name him "oh-dead"
Pini
In Hebrew: common nickname for "Pinchas."
In English: er, right.
Almog
In Hebrew: evokes delicate waving of Dead Sea coral
In English: sounds like should be name of character in "Hagar the Horrible" (and I'm not talking about the biblical Hagar, another undesirable name)
Dikla
In Hebrew: girl's name either based on Bible or on the name for a date palm
In English: might give people wrong impression
Gad
In Hebrew: nice, humble Biblical name
In English: sure to blow expectations out of proportion
[Oh, my gaaad!] That was, like... so totally, like... you know, like... so totally over the taaap!
Nimrod
In Hebrew: descendent of Noah
In English: means "idiot" and will result in too many Green Day jokes
Snir
In Hebrew: based on another name for Mt. Hermon
In English: may cause people to think you have an attitude problem
Nofar
In Hebrew: pretty girl's name
In English: sounds like lyric from Bob Marley song
Uriah
In Hebrew: Biblical guy's name
In English: sounds like a bodily fluid or character from a Charles Dickens novel
Of course, it's possibly for Israelis to turn unfortunate names into selling points. I mean, that model named Bar doesn't seem to be doing too badly. And once American celebrities realize they aren't being pranked, they tend to open up to our entertainment show host Guy Pines (pronounce that last name phonetically... it doesn't rhyme with "shines." If only we had that last name, we could definitely insure our children wouldn't make "yerida" to America without thinking their decision over carefully!).
[The jew is retarded - "pines" pronounced phonetically is "pines", not "penis". Fucking retard. The jew wants to be muh-pooly,-woe-is-me,-chzosen-peepoow-feewings "job" from the book of job in the many "the" bibleses.]
There are probably a lot of American names that don't translate well into Hebrew - any guy named "Noah" who doesn't want to pronounce his name "Noach" will find Israelis think he's female. Are there any American names Israelis think are especially funny?
Did I miss any fabulous yeridah-proof Israeli names?
http://howtobeisraeli.blogspot.com/2009/03/lesson-23-to-ensure-your-children-stay.html
If no other proof, then this is proof that the pooj00 is backwards (referring to its reversal of Words, which it uses in order to curse Gentiles).
The dudujew, the Poughmans,
choose and
ask to be muh chzosen oppwessed peepoow.
jew holding knife in river of various countries' blood, shrugging, looking confused
"Why do they oppress me so?"
jew caught graffitiing Swastika on wall
"Hey, rabbi, whatcha doin'?"