I'm sorry i did not do enough in the beginning

[Ancient Africa]

It's all coming back too me now and i see the consequences. It's terrible to have it on my conscious.The warfare is in the here and now and let me tell you I'm battling keeping my head above water

I'm so sorry i couldn't be strong enough when i had to for our sakes. I'm doing what i can now

I feel I'm being held accountable

 

[ANPUMESSES999]

I feel I'm being held accountable

are you sure the enemy isn't trying to seriously demoralize you right now?

the fact that you're here and you very likely engaged in spiritual warfare at least some times before and currently, already tells me that you are far ahead than most of the population under many aspects ^

you can already be proud of this, even if you did not try to do rituals like there is no tomorrow, trying to be a perfect hero etc... ^

keep in mind, i'm not saying that you necessarily need to remain what you are right now even though it's not bad compared to the average person, since obviously we need to try and become better and better, in the long term, if possible ^

so please, don't overthink on that, or more precisely, don't let the enemy take over your mind with such ideas,which is what might be actually happening...and focus simply on what you can do in the NOW, which is the future...what you do now truly shapes the future, the way you want it to be ^

on the other hand, we shouldn't let the past, which cannot be changed, shape our future, in an un-wanted and nefarious way... easier said than done at times,i know...but,still...that seems to be the most reasonable mindset to follow in regards to this topic ^

 

[13th_Wolf]

I feel like this as well. I felt it much stronger in the past like I owe a lot to this place. You should only allow yourself to feel motivated by it, not sorry.

Initially I felt an extreme amount of zeal but was way too young and it was sort of characteristic that it wasn't to last. I never felt envy before and don't allow myself to but I wish I could've followed through and been courageous to myself and within myself to keep pushing then for the sake of time.

I am again now, and hopefully I can find that zeal and love again in a conscious way. I am very proud to be here with you all and deeply humbled. I'm only just beginning now really.

I wish so much that I could be understood and have conversations like here with people in person, without it being this big conspiracy crazy thing and feel I have to be constantly wary and hidden. I find it very difficult to express this here and I have sometimes spent hours writing posts sometimes seguing to this only to decide against posting at last minute and the post was valuable really, I'm just very afraid of ridicule off of the only people I felt so positive about.

Cos its all useless drama anyway, making this thread about myself. Its not relevant, I'm not important. That's how I seem to feel, like impostor syndrome.

Even saying that feels silly.