I'm not okay

[♪⛦Ivy⛦♪]

I don't like myself. I want to kill myself. I can do this anymore.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

I don't like myself. I want to kill myself. I can do this anymore.

Self-esteem generally comes from the solar part of our soul, so work here, and increasing your fire energies in general, will make you feel happier and more able to face challenges in your life. Not everything needs to be perfect right now; you only need to rely on a few parts of happiness in your life while you work on building a more fulfilling life for yourself.

Even if certain material obstacles in your life are not fully resolved, you can still change your perspective in relation to them. This is one "path forward" which you can remind yourself about, as an outcome of self-esteem workings and in mindset retraining.

You had also noted some major trauma in past posts. Unfortunately, this will manifest in feeling negatively about yourself and it will require some psychological healing. Some self-understanding must be given and remembered that you are dealing with a problem and trying to grow in spite of this; it is not like you yourself are truly low quality, but the scope of the problem can certainly hurt your self-esteem and make you feel this way.

Yet, as you progress in your healing, your soul will be strengthened against the same problems which had previously plagued you. You will also be able to help people in similar circumstances, because you had been there directly and can understand.

Focus now on some positive elements, such as that you are a new member in a growing spiritual community. Believe it or not, you have a Guardian Demon and others who do wish the best for you, and are available to help. Along with your own efforts, they will help you develop points of pride that come from within your soul, restoring a sense of purpose and fulfillment to your day.

Even now, you can check your natal Sun and 5th house to see what is most likely to make you happy. As you develop your solar energies, this will help you truly see and feel the positive sides of yourself, rather than only intensely seeing the negative. It will take some work, but it will occur over time, so take a deep breath now and try to relax, then create a plan for achieving this. The Temple is available to help you, if you have specific questions.

 

[SeguaceDiSatanas]

I don't like myself. I want to kill myself. I can do this anymore.

Let's try another method.
Let me know of things I can help you with.

I ask you to answer this question: what are your shortcomings?
I did not ask what are your failures. I asked you what you feel you could do more of and that by not doing that, that makes you feel you don't like yourself, as if you could be something more than that, but that at your current level you are not and therefore you don't like yourself the way you are now.

Tell me everything you can think of, please.

 

[DarkAries]

Wunjo and raising my energies helped me against self-destructive toughts.

 

[SeguaceDiSatanas]

Wunjo and raising my energies helped me against self-destructive toughts.

This could be very useful for stalling. Do not underestimate it. These are not things that can be solved right away. The more time we have the better.