frost_raven_666
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- Joined
- Feb 23, 2014
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Ever since second grade, I've had what I call thought halucinations. They're like the people hearing voices that threaten them to do something stupid or something bad would happen and shit like that. In my case, it's thoughts. I know there's a difference between my own thoughts, what creatures I telepathically communicate with, and the filthy halucinations. The halucinations impair me in almost everything I try to do. A typical situation is along these lines: I'll be with my friends, talking, laughing my ass off and then I leave the room, think of the word loss while looking at my left arm that's touching my right arm and immediately this stupid, stupid idea that my right arm would fall or something gets engraved in my mind and then i have to silently thrash in my mind for it to shut up and my friends are right on the other side and they've been terrorizing me and shit like that for a very long time and a while back they made me feel suicidal for the first time in a while because i'd been refusing to lose to suffering, you know, just refusing to fall. But they've been getting worse over time. I know why I got the halucinations. When I was very little, I loved to listen to riverdance and I'd watch the tape it was on and try to dance it. Well, according to my friend who can see creatures and demons and such, the patterns in the dancing has demon-exorcism qualities and on accident, a demonic deity wasn't paying attention and got trapped in the same friend's head. He had been trapped in a powerful binding that kept him in my friend's head until we freed him last summer and now he's friends with both of us. But the thing is, in second grade, the demon, in his desperation to escape kept releasing blasts of energy and one blast managed to get out and it hit me in the head. Not to mention, I remember the exact moment when the first halucianation started. and ever since then they hadn't stopped. They've only been quiet when I'm not stressed out much (which is rare) or I finally stand against them and make them be quiet...but it doesn't last for long... My only cure is for me to finally acheive the sight and sound for demons and be able to really tell what's going on and then know that it's bullshit. Now, I rarely get halucinations but bad, really BAD ones get triggered if i get enough paranoia, fear, or disgust in my head. Last night, I really wanted to scream as loud as I could. But my parents were just in the other room. The halucinations will spout bullshit in my mind, threatoning me with my absolutely worst fears and now I've been reduced to being gullible. It's never been this terrible before. And this stupid...aquaintance of mine...because of what he said about the stupid god, which by the way i beleive was nothing more than an entity that manifested but was destroyed recently by us who hate the beleif in him so, but anyway i know it is my mind telling me, trying to get the firm idea of the beleif in him...WHEN I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT IT'S BULLSHIT!!!!!! But my stupid mind...it keeps trying to tell me otherwise, I keep telling it that it doesn't exist. But my mind keeps clogging my brain and the doubt is there! It won't get the fuck out of my brain it won't dissolve...I really just want to talk about this with people who hate the filthy dogma religions...because you understand how bad this is...how terrifying this is...this idea that the most despicable thing is there...when you know it can't be...it's like you're staring at a grotesque corpse...you don't want to look at it. You really want to stop looking at it...but your head won't turn away...you're still staring at it...and still seeing everything: the hollow, agonized eyes and the maggots and the blood and the roaches...all there...and you can't turn your head despite your strong, strong will to...I've just started to find releif but its still in the back of my head...why when i've hated the stupid beleifs in god for over well over ten years...
