I have a problem...

[gemini_yami]

Okay, I'm mostly revieling this because part of me is scientifcally curious as to what you guys would say,and another part is actually kinda hopeful that the people who worship the freedom to do as you please without the boundries of alot of societies obligitory bs and...yeah. Maybe you all will say something that'll help. *sighs* I've come a long way in my own spiritual persuits, but there's one small, tiny little thing, one rather irritating little obsticle that I have yet to overcome.

I....hurt a man before I left a toxic situation. I hurt him, even though I claimed to love him. I should have spoken up, but I was afraid, and I thought he was being...well...'loose' about things, so I was too. I said something stupid, and it degraded and immasculated and tore him down. It's probebly one of the few things I greatly regret happened when I left the toxic environment I was in. He probebly hates me now, and for good reason. I never expect to be forgiven.

I think I have a complex when it comes to relationships now. Perhaps I've always had it, and only after that incident I just came to realize it. All I know is that I never want to hurt a man like I did again...I made the promise that the next time I'd speak up, try and say everything instead of bottling it all up like I did...but...I think I'm scared.

I had a dream last night, I was out on a date with a guy I know, and it was a rather stressful time, it wasn't one of my best days. Then when we got separated his father showed up and confronted me,telling me to stay away from his son...saying that all I'd do is hurt him...it just makes me wonder if that's all I'll ever end up doing.

Bah, it's stupid I know, but this is the one thing I have yet to overcome in my emotional hangups...well...the biggest really, the rest I can handle. Bah. Hail Music and Art.