I feel like i messed up everything

[Blackcat44]

Im going to be as quick and simple as possible but this situation is a complicated and long one so PLEASE bear with me.

When i was 16 i dedicated my soul to Satan and started meditating almost immediately. I started hanging out with other Satanists and i was happy with how things were turning out. A few months later my parents decided we would move to the other end of the world, and sent me to an christian orthodox school. I believed I wouldn’t let it affect me, but what I didn’t realise was that i would slowly start giving into loneliness and i became “friends” with a very narcissistic, manipulative person. I had slowly stopped meditating and going on JoS. I never believed in any other God apart from Satan. But i had gotten far from Spiritual Satanism, without realising. And even though my beliefs never deeply changed, i was almost living a life with no spirituality, like an atheist without being one.
A few years later that girl got pregnant, and she wanted me to be the child’s “godmother”. I have absolutely no clue what had gotten over me, but because I wasn’t a christian I believed it wouldn’t be “such a big deal” as I didn’t practice or believe in christianity, so i said yes. I can’t believe i said yes but i did.
Now here comes the part that fills me with disgust. I had no idea what was involved in a christening in detail, because I didn’t really pay attention/care during the ones I attended as a child. I was told i would read something, that’s it. The day comes, and during that circus, one of the things i was asked to repeat was that, and i quote, “renounce [our Father’s name]” (i cant type the exact quote as i feel like im repeating that phrase all over again).
I didn’t realise what i did straight away because “I don’t believe in what i was told to say so it doesn’t matter”. It infuriates me to think about it, but that’s how i felt at the time. Only later, 2-3 years after i fell out with that girl did i realise what i had done. I was filled with dread and panic and it was almost like i snapped out of a dream because of how quickly my emotions changed.
At this point, i could NOT go back to being a practicing Satanist as if nothing had happened. I felt i had to do more than just “go back to before all this”. I know it shouldn’t be repeated, but i felt i HAD to perform the dedication ritual again. And so i did.

How bad did i mess up? How horrible could the consequences of my actions be? Is there no turning back? The guilt I feel is horrendous, how do i make amends? I feel like i betrayed Him to the point of no return. I feel like i did everything wrong.

I know this has been long, and im sorry. I wanted to write this for a long time but my shame and feelings of embarrassment wouldn’t let me.

 

[SapphireDragon]

What matters is what's in your heart now. You will have to do work on yourself to heal the xian filth from your aura, but you are a child of Satan, ask him to forgive you, if it makes you feel better you can say that you renounce xianity again and affirm "I command the foul holy spirit of jehovah to leave my body forever in the name of Satan!" Also of you've dedicated, then be happy to know that the dedication is truly permanent. Nothing you say or do will ever erase that. Trust in Satan, do the RTR, ask Father to come back into your life and guide you again, he doesn't leave us forever. He only leaves you when you want him to leave. He lets you have free will to follow him or not, But once you come back and are serious he will come back into your life once again. You can do a small ritual for father where you ask him to be present in your life again. Something personal to rebuild your relationship. There is no need to re-do the dedication, just meditate and speak to Father Satan. Let him know how you feel and he will help you get back on the right track. His love for us is eternal he has not given up on you, otherwise you wouldn't be back here asking this question. You are once again where you truly belong, welcome back. Be strong and start to heal yourself again. Satanic Blessings to you, may you find your way back to full strength and understanding. Hail Satan!

 

[Ol argedco luciftias]

You are panicking for no reason. Our gods understand us completely, they know every part of our souls, and they know all of our intentions. You are a good person with good intentions, and this is what is important. This is known by the gods.

You were tricked to say some meaningless and powerless word. You are not bound to any contract with the jew thoughtforms, and this does not mean anything to you the way it would mean to a non Satanist. The majority of the Dedication ritual is for the purpose that you are seperated and removed from any binding to jew thoughtforms, and that any oath or contract you have made to any christian/jew thing is removed and erased.


What you can do now is do the 3 part Final RTR Rituals. And also do the Gods rituals at least the ones for the 4 highest ruling gods.



Www.satanslibrary.org/Demons/

 

[Blackcat44]

Thank you for your replies. They have been really helpful, and I really appreciate the time you took to write them. Reading them was genuinely an anxiety relief. Hail Satan!

 

[SapphireDragon]

Thank you for your replies. They have been really helpful, and I really appreciate the time you took to write them. Reading them was genuinely an anxiety relief. Hail Satan!

Anytime, we always have each other's backs here, always remember that. We're here for each other, our family in Satan. I'm glad we could be of some help.