I know we shouldn't share names, but I need the formalities right now. About... 8 or so months ago, I successfully dedicated to our Father... At the time I confused on how it worked. I thought I had failed, and my entire room smelled like smoke.
Needless to say, that night was amazing. I remember falling asleep, but right before I did, I suddenly felt an amazing feeling of love and respect. I felt wanted and usefull... I felt everything that night.
I don't know what 'everything' means exactly, but I had never felt more tuned into the world. When I awoke that morning everything seemed sharper, more crisp. Everything felt clearer, like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders.
Enough about my dedication though. Over the exspanse of time after dedicating I haven't meditated in well over 4 or so months. I get this constant feeling of failure. I'll jolt awake some nights from the feeling of falling.
I have no self-respect or a sense of responsibility... I feel alone. I feel tired. I truly am lost at this point in my life. I'm afraid of failing Satan and the other daemons... I need help from an advanced Spiritual Satanist... I don't know what to do.
To be honest, I've been avoiding the ask for help. I don't know why. I assume greys or enemies, but I've never felt anything threatening. Can someone help me?[/TD]