Yagami Light
Active member
Hello everyone.
To start off I need to say that I always had this problem but never really felt the need to address it. But now I see that it needs to be dealt with.
To make a long message short, I've noticed that I'm afraid of:
- drunk or very angry people (because they might hurt me, or others, and I won't be able to defend myself or others)
- very confident people that emit a "Capricorn" dead-serious energy... I am not afraid of confident people that have a "Leo" vibe, so to speak... I mean, the people I'm afraid of may not even be confident - but they're dead serious in what they say and they are the kind of people that WON'T back down.
- jews with whom I need to deal on a daily basis... An example of this is the right hand of my boss (by the way, my retarded boss does NOT scare me at all! Also, he's not a jew). I'm not afraid of him because he's the right hand... Is it because he's a jew? I don't feel a "paranoia" that he knows magick, or that he knows I'm an SS... He could just dislike me without knowing why lol, just like I dislike him (knowing why). Nonetheless, I feel a fear that I can't explain. He is always dead-serious, doesn't know how to smile (I have no doubt that he lacks empathy - a fucking jew he is!!) but I've also felt fear towards other jews I had met, who were NOT dead serious, and were laughing around... I could feel that these people could just kill you off at any moment without any regret. Would they do it? No lol. I have not met any murderers for all I know, but the jews that I have dealt with, makes me feel a sense of fear without any particular reason.
Another example with the jews is that I am NOT afraid of jew presidents... but I KNOW that If I met them up close, I WOULD feel fear.
When I am afraid of certain people, I've noticed that I tend to lower my voice when talking to them, as to not upset them.
I am angry at myself for this. I don't want to be afraid.
I want to be confident and to be able to stand my ground. I also want to be SURE that my aura of protection (in my affirmation I really cover... everything... from bad energies to physical harm) will protect me no matter what.
Well, I consciously believe that my aura of protection and the Gods as well will protect me, especially from very bad situations... But why am I afraid???
I don't want to be afraid.
Also, just to be clear about this, I did not grow up abused, or anything like that. Well, there were many issues in my family (especially with my mother's attitude towards me) that made me have a low self-confidence, but after so many years of meditations, I'd like to think this is not the case anymore... It's really not that. I mean, I don't think it is. I've also done countless workings and squares for self-confidence, and also munka to deal with other shit.
It's another thing, I don't know what it is. I want to get rid of it!!!
What should I do??
I intend on doing Lydia's yoga for the base, in order to help with suppressed anger.... But what about all this fear? How can I deal with this?
To start off I need to say that I always had this problem but never really felt the need to address it. But now I see that it needs to be dealt with.
To make a long message short, I've noticed that I'm afraid of:
- drunk or very angry people (because they might hurt me, or others, and I won't be able to defend myself or others)
- very confident people that emit a "Capricorn" dead-serious energy... I am not afraid of confident people that have a "Leo" vibe, so to speak... I mean, the people I'm afraid of may not even be confident - but they're dead serious in what they say and they are the kind of people that WON'T back down.
- jews with whom I need to deal on a daily basis... An example of this is the right hand of my boss (by the way, my retarded boss does NOT scare me at all! Also, he's not a jew). I'm not afraid of him because he's the right hand... Is it because he's a jew? I don't feel a "paranoia" that he knows magick, or that he knows I'm an SS... He could just dislike me without knowing why lol, just like I dislike him (knowing why). Nonetheless, I feel a fear that I can't explain. He is always dead-serious, doesn't know how to smile (I have no doubt that he lacks empathy - a fucking jew he is!!) but I've also felt fear towards other jews I had met, who were NOT dead serious, and were laughing around... I could feel that these people could just kill you off at any moment without any regret. Would they do it? No lol. I have not met any murderers for all I know, but the jews that I have dealt with, makes me feel a sense of fear without any particular reason.
Another example with the jews is that I am NOT afraid of jew presidents... but I KNOW that If I met them up close, I WOULD feel fear.
When I am afraid of certain people, I've noticed that I tend to lower my voice when talking to them, as to not upset them.
I am angry at myself for this. I don't want to be afraid.
I want to be confident and to be able to stand my ground. I also want to be SURE that my aura of protection (in my affirmation I really cover... everything... from bad energies to physical harm) will protect me no matter what.
Well, I consciously believe that my aura of protection and the Gods as well will protect me, especially from very bad situations... But why am I afraid???
I don't want to be afraid.
Also, just to be clear about this, I did not grow up abused, or anything like that. Well, there were many issues in my family (especially with my mother's attitude towards me) that made me have a low self-confidence, but after so many years of meditations, I'd like to think this is not the case anymore... It's really not that. I mean, I don't think it is. I've also done countless workings and squares for self-confidence, and also munka to deal with other shit.
It's another thing, I don't know what it is. I want to get rid of it!!!
What should I do??
I intend on doing Lydia's yoga for the base, in order to help with suppressed anger.... But what about all this fear? How can I deal with this?