Had a brutal fight with my mom

[MercuryWisdom]

Warning: trigger warning, and there’s lots to unpack here.

It happened yesterday. It happened so fast and suddenly. It was ugly.

Basically my family and people in my life situations are shit. I’m fucked up.

Dad is an evil narcissistic stupid cunt who abused me and my mother and was violent, unreliable, and insecure then left us.

He married another woman years ago and mom divorced him herself. Ever since then our situation has been fragile. I never felt secure.

Mom had been financially supporting me and my siblings after the divorce. I was financially supporting as well in a big way when I could but my financial situation is not very secure atm.

I moved out for 1-2 years but it was torture I ruined my health, grades, being and soul, and much more and was suicidal because of a shit high-stress job while half my pay check went to mom to support as well since she works seasonally. She kept telling me to come back home and after a couple more months I did.

When I returned she took care of me, I felt like a burden and that I was a foreigner between my siblings as I was fucked up from traumatic experiences so I was cruel and also misunderstood a bit. I felt bad I was useless but I was dying and she kept saying its okay so I tried to relax a bit.

A year passed, I tried to work from home for a bit but that ended badly as well. Any livable-pay jobs here require us to have no dignity, and be stressed and destroyed. So I gave up trying to work since it’s meaningless money and work anyway.

I had ups and downs, but recently I was doing good towards my well being. I’ve been meditating, advancing, hitting the gym, doing what I can for the Gods and JoS. And I was joyful despite a couple traumatic events happening in November as well where some of my closest friends knew I was an “atheist”, my secret got out because of some situation and cut ties with me (again, I’m used to it by this point so it was okay).

Past few months maybe ever since my SR there’s been increasing tensions and fights between my family and especially me and my mother. Which was unheard of we usually have good relationship with each other and she favors me between my siblings always, (which is part of the problem and fight). But when we do fight with each other it’s absolutely traumatic, cruel, intense, and gets ugly real fast. I’ve also been increasingly cruel as trauma and life has hardened me to no end I don’t give a fuck about anyone anymore, I can be a real psychopath if I put my mind to it.

My sister and I are especially fucked up since the age gap between us is not large and we went through a lot of the shit together (although I suffered most at the hands of my dad and my mom at times) unlike my younger brother who has a large age gap and he needed a father and I just feel stressed out by him that he wants something I can’t fucking give him because I never had it in the first place.

Yesterday my sister and brother went into a fight. My sister went into a neurotic fight and kept screaming at 1 am because my brother disrespected her and called her retarded. She screamed that he should have some fucking respect and kept yapping. Mom woke up and I went to see what happened. It was just a silly fight and my sister was just fucking angry which I understood. (It’s funny because she can be disrespectful as well, and I get the same type of angry and she thinks I’m crazy, I was like serves her right lol.) then went back to do yoga.

Then suddenly out of nowhere after the situation has ended my mom went to punish my sister. She told her very hurtful and hateful words that she can never dare to say to me because I’m the favorite and sister is the black duck of the family.

And basically told her never ever speak to my brother again, never scream at him, don’t dare touch him, and don’t ask him to get you anything, I just heard this and was fucking pissed at how hypocritical this was since my brother was the one at fault and my sister’s fault was that she got angry. Then she said to her if you didn’t like it leave and go to your daddy.

Then I fucking had it I got extremely defensive, yet I was calm at first I asked her why are you talking to her like this and saying these hurtful words. Then the rest of the fight was between me and her basically. We both said monstrous things for example she said leave too I don’t give a fuck about you I said to her you’re the one who should leave then she said you would be worthless without me, I told her fuck you and your money when I make money I’ll show you my worth., etc, etc. of this back and forth.

At another point I told her why are you talking to my sister in this way while if I had done the same thing to my brother you would never have said it. She said and who assigned you as their lawyer, I was emotional and told her that I am not the type of fucking person to accept abuse, I didn’t accept it from dad and there’s no way in fucking hell I’m tolerating it from you.

Then she said I pray to God that you die, I told her you’re the one who should die bitch.

Then she left our home and I tried to sleep because I had a presentation at college next day.

 

[Satan's ninja 666]

I just wish there is a spell or something for family situations where there can be peace and harmony
as I read through your story makes me sad because I know what it like to have a fucked family situation
I personally wish you the best may you sort your problems out and reconcile with your family

 

[Epiphany]

Your mom is crazy too, that's one reason she doesn't have a husband.

She should be able to work more than seasonally, especially since it sounds like there are no babies and you're all adolescent. It sounds like she's trying to make you into a son-husband stand-in provider since she's single now.

 

[Henu the Great]

You stepped into a trap. Now it is time to make amends.

 

[UDDTHU]

(Sorry for my English, I use translator)

I will not allow myself to judge you and your family. I can only say here that I have the same situation as you, my friend.
My everyday situation with my family was exactly what you said.
But do not judge your family or hold resentment towards them. Our parents are also experiencing this life for the first time. I hope you understand my point. Perhaps you do not realize what lies in your mother's heart that makes her so aggressive. Experiencing a bad spouse can truly inflict deep wounds on anyone's heart. In this world, they don’t know most things and make decisions based on their past experiences and emotions. They believe they are doing the right thing.

Since I know you have progressed well in your meditation, protecting your family is another duty you have. Just as you dedicate time to your soul, also dedicate time to your family and cleanse their aura of any negativity. You know the power of meditation, so you can even reconcile them with one another.

We are alone in this world, and all we have is our family — whether it's our earthly family in this life or our divine gods who are exceptional teachers and parents to us.

Tonight, during my meditation, I will pray for you and your family, as I deeply understand your situation and emotions. I wish for you and your family to always be in happiness and peace.

 

[Henu the Great]

I just wish there is a spell or something for family situations where there can be peace and harmony
as I read through your story makes me sad because I know what it like to have a fucked family situation
I personally wish you the best may you sort your problems out and reconcile with your family

Actually, some runes cover this. I bet there are Sanskrit mantras to this end as well.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Your mom is crazy too, that's one reason she doesn't have a husband.

She should be able to work more than seasonally, especially since it sounds like there are no babies and you're all adolescent. It sounds like she's trying to make you into a son-husband stand-in provider since she's single now.

No that’s not it, trust me. My mom is the one who left him anyway, he married the other woman as a 2nd wife since 4 wives are permitted in islam.

My father was a scumbag and one of the lowest men I’ve seen.

My mom has issues yes, but that’s one side of it, you don’t see the good side right now. And that was one particularly bad fight.

She’s the only reason I’m healthy, have access to food, and wind off and avoid work, study in a good college, and she breaks her back working all day 6 days a week to provide.

My dad doesn’t even pay welfare or anything of the sort.

The reason she works seasonally is not because of her choice but because of her line of work, she’s a teacher/private tutor so she only has decent work during the school seasons, then in summer we try to support each other and cut off spending.

It’s not wise to jump to conclusions like this, as the opposite situation is what’s true. When I support her she doesn’t even ask for it, I do it out of duty and me being a man and the older brother.

 

[ramses13th]

Brother, have your own life, get away from toxicity as soon as you can. I sympathize and know what you feel regarding toxicity in family.

 

[serpentwalker666]

From what you describe here this sounds like a situation compounded by intense stress, financial problems and issues typical in families like siblings fighting.

When things calm down between you and your mother should try to talk things out if possible. I understand how this can be. My whole life has been filled with bad arguments and fighting. My family was very toxic but they did their best, and fortunately now things aren't like they were between us.

Do your best to use magick to remedy the situation enough for things to be alright. Then once your life is mainly together you can distance yourself to what extent you choose, just be mindful of what you truly want.

The Gods will guide you on what is best from this point. Unfortunately family life for many people in this world is problematic and even most parents are people shaped by bad circumstances and trauma. Some people learn from this and change, others are unaware of it, and others don't know how to change it even if they wanted to.

Stay strong Brother, things will be alright with the passage of time.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Brother, have your own life, get away from toxicity as soon as you can. I sympathize and know what you feel regarding toxicity in family.

I tried to, as I wrote, it ended horribly. Mom and home are what made me survive.

I need tons of money to live a decent life. I can get tons of money, but I need tons of money consistently for a long time. Which I have not been able to yet.

Wages are a prison here, renting a room in someplace decent is easily double your monthly income. Our currency has devalued 300% in 3 years, so it’s just paper now it seems. Banks have banned foreign currency exchange so I can’t send/buy/receive anything in dollars even if I work online or smth.

People out there are much more brutal and toxic than my family could ever try to be. Poverty is reaching, ignorance is an epidemic, islam is a poisonous fog. Home is not perfect, however compared to what happened when I tried to move out I am in heaven.

I was starving daily, overworked, lost 15 kg in a couple of months, depressed, traumatized, and suicidal. Funny I actually moved out so I can have privacy and meditate, never was able to, now I have privacy at home and some authority too.

I hope I can graduate and will definitely put my mind into finding a way out of this clutch. Money is God of this world and I will rule this God.

 

[krysalis88]

When people get angry, they can spit out some ugly words and then regret it. I know how it is bad to see family members fighting with each other. Since you usually get along with her, it probably won't take too much too time to things to calm down. But when people don't get along, that's when it can't be solved. I used to see infighting between my brother and my parents for years and years. He didn't want to do anything in his life, no matter how much my parents (and the rest of the family) wanted to help him. In the end, out of nowhere, he decided to move far away to another country to live the life that he wanted (especially with weed legally available) with a new girlfriend. It turned as the same situation he used to live before, complaining about working, staying in a job for a couple days and turning his anger towards the people he love. My family decided to ignore him for good, since the situation wouldn't change for better.

 

[Aeternum]

I’ve always experienced a lot of turbulence in my family as well, and I achieved excellent results by chanting Lakshmi’s mantra daily and performing Orobas' power ritual weekly. At the end of the ritual, I would focus on Orobas' sigil and ask him to resolve hereditary and family issues. Lakshmi's mantra not only brings material prosperity but also seems to have a profound impact on those around you and on family karma.

In the beginning, things were intense—there were more arguments, masks were falling off, and some family members faced disgrace. However, over time, the fights and disagreements magically decreased by about 90%. Unlike before, I watched all of this unfold from a distance, as no one bothered me anymore.

 

[Antireligioso]

It often happens that relatives quarrel or even with us, basically there is always the relative who is innocent, who is also attacked with anger and insults for something trivial, like the sister forgets the open windows of the car, and the other brother demolishes her psychologically with insults that she is retarded, well who insults and gets angry, it also creates an abuse of vampirism of vital energies with which a soul feels well-being and exists in the universe as Soul and body. So one could feel energetically depressed after the quarrel, think about it, we are made of energy and with this we exist in the universe. so for those who happen this of having merciless furies, with insults the only solution is the detachment with Th on the chakras, and affirmations so that the bad guy on duty detaches himself from his soul .. because moreover, unmotivated anger on a person also ruins emotions.

 

[Viego]

Actually, some runes cover this. I bet there are Sanskrit mantras to this end as well.

So it's moral and ethical and "good" now to manipulate your family trough runes but you were complaining about my love spell ,right? Now I am asking you, what's the difference here? When both of the workings were using white magick into finishing something beneficial in both cases. You know what. Don't bother actually, you're stubborn and will continue staying stuck in your own perception.

 

[Viego]

As has been talked about on the forum, those like "us" the vast majority of "us" have had such experiences and lives full of such trauma and an overall terrible life, this is because those like "us" are closer to the Gods and because of this, the enemies have cursed us, not just the whole planet but especially "us" those of us who have more of Satan's energy and are more connected and closer to the God's, because we represent a greater potent risk than the average person who is not interested in the occult and spirituality. Everyone should understand this, we really are protected by the Gods especially in very serious stuff, sometimes we may think that some moments are serious until life really comes and fucks you 1000 times worse in the back out of nowhere without you realizing it.

As for your situation with your family you have to understand that this will pass by itself, because at a certain time in your life you will no longer need to live with your family and you will have your time and your privacy and listen, no one can give you advice on what to do, do not let yourself be influenced by anyone, your family is your family and your decisions should be yours, I won't go into personal details about my life but what I can tell you is that I also hated and detested my parents in my turn because they left me from when I was born until I was 19, where at 19 my parents when they appeared, they appeared because it was a very serious situation, extremely serious actually, and now everything is better but I still don't trust them and I can't really love them in all their purity and fullness. What I want to emphasize by that is that in the past when I was younger, I had wished them wrong because I felt this desire for justice for having abandoned their own child, a karmic justice, which they paid for in full and I forgave them, but I want at one moment you can want something and at another moment something completely different, I can't say that I regret my past desire and intention, but with maturity I've begun to understand it more and to say it's pointless and to focus on what's really important.

And as per words , do not really take them as in literal, some people do not mean it that way, my brother told me that he wishes me good luck in Jail and to get fucked, my Father who brough me upon this world left me to take life upon my shoulder since I was a literal baby and told me that I should just take my life and fuck off. My mother which never been there for me always has been discouraging , nobody ever wanted me and loved me or believed in me ,I was hated and fucked from all sides of life , not just family but overall everyone.

I have meet people with though situations and events and life's and I never in my Life have ever said that I had worse life then theirs , because this in itself it's pointless to compare, it's not just the traumatic events in itself but it's mostly one capacity to endure , metabolize , understanding , analyze things from an intellectual and dethatched way.

Remember this , you , me and many of us are very special for discovering this Path that we are on, our loved ones will perish into probably nothingness while us , we will be eternal God's! Remember that you're not an average person like the other's. Don't let stuff at home to distract you from what's important and needed , let them bark , say what they say but do as you want to do , don't bother into arguing with them knowing that that's how they are and how will probably ever be.

Myself I was raised by my Grandmother which favorized my 5 years older brother and gave him all of the wealth while raising me all of my life in spite, favorizing others in family is not good, I am telling you, whoever is less favorized will grow up hating you and even wishing your harm [I am not saying this is the case in your life but this is just as a note]. At 18 of mine I have encountered severe and extreme moments where I was at my second literal suicidal act , and I don't speak about thinking of doing , I have actually been doing it, I was not eating shit , I have scars on my wrist, so I understand how painful life can be and how judged one is, everyone is quick to judge one's behavior instead of giving a fuck of why he is the way he is, not many consider healing as an option for some more "Angry individuals" , for them locking them up will be best, therefore that's why the society you see is literal shit.

Sorry for making this too long and to close it with , Don't lose your hope in the God's , seriously. Most of those things are also test's which one should be aware, the God's also tested me in many circumstances , enemy encounters , moments where I had to raise my hand from the corpses and rise again alive , once again, stronger then ever, transformer into a higher and more powerful being. Trust me Brother, we got not idea of each other but I am telling you, one day we will celebrate in the eternal life and remember about those times. You really have to think that "All is well" , I have been thrown out of my house and lived on the streets with literal 0% chances of survival as I was very young as well , for as long as your heart stays close to the God's and keep believe in them , They will never let you starve or die, trust! Let your relatives bark and focus on what's needed and as per your mother you should realize that's though for a single female to take care of family , she might be stressed out with so many responsibilities , responsibilities that you now might now feel the heaviness that they care on her shoulder but one day, you will , until then try to keep it all cool in your beneficial ways , you want to have advantages in life, not disadvantages , sometimes a mask is needed but would be better in most cases due what world we live in at the moment. Try to apologies to her, even if you do not truly wish it to do so , just do it and benefit on the fact that you have someone around to provide for you. Myself I had to go Bear Grylls in life .

 

[MercuryWisdom]

So it's moral and ethical and "good" now to manipulate your family trough runes but you were complaining about my love spell ,right? Now I am asking you, what's the difference here? When both of the workings were using white magick into finishing something beneficial in both cases. You know what. Don't bother actually, you're stubborn and will continue staying stuck in your own perception.

I don’t want this conversation here, please.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I don’t want this conversation here, please.

This argument has also been rectified by JG Alexandros, end of story.

 

[Viego]

I don’t want this conversation here, please.

Sorry for having to bring this upon this topic, I have also replied to your query , it's just that's in pending and not yet approved.

 

[Henu the Great]

So it's moral and ethical and "good" now to manipulate your family trough runes but you were complaining about my love spell ,right? Now I am asking you, what's the difference here? When both of the workings were using white magick into finishing something beneficial in both cases. You know what. Don't bother actually, you're stubborn and will continue staying stuck in your own perception.

You should go read and learn Satanic Ethics before you instigate some meaningless argument with me that is long settled. Back to the ignore list you go.

 

[Lucifer's army]

I believe that the first thing you do is to clean your aura, strengthen it, and raise your energy level to deal with what is happening, then clean your family’s auras, and when time passes and things calm down, talk calm and mercy with your mother and make her feel that you feel the pain that she feels. I know what you are talking about. I was there many years ago , "more than 10 years " with a large tattoo on my entire left arm of the sigils of Father Lucifer, Anubis, and another many gods in a Muslim family, and they knew that I am satanic. The fights started and then calmed down after time passed and they accepted the truth. I'm not asking you to declare your religion to them, maybe my family is more open minded, I'm just telling you that time heals a lot of things.
Have faith and patience. I wish you and your family the best and will pray for you, brother

 

[Viego]

You should go read and learn Satanic Ethics before you instigate some meaningless argument with me that is long settled. Back to the ignore list you go.

Like I give a F or something

 

[NetemPtah]

I only read the first message in which you describe the situation, avoiding reading the rest. However, compared to what you wrote I would like to add something.
From direct experience, repeated, and endless stories that I have heard, I can tell you that the only way to truly help someone sometimes requires walking away and helping yourself first. When you are a broken shard, you risk hurting those around you, because obviously, you are a soul that needs to heal.
So evaluate the best ways to start helping yourself, and if your financial situation is of particular interest to you, and you are studying for this very reason, if your peaks are monetary and not just professional, I would like you to reflect and evaluate your priorities in this case. College is absolutely worthless if what you TRULY want is money, and not a profession. In your case, you might have as a priority, a profession. But if not, change path as it can lead to absolute failure and disappointment.
I would advise you to start evaluating controlling your anger; I know people who have lost their entire lives because of their temperament, ending up without family and work, in depression, at 50 years old. And I don't think any of you deserve to live such brutal fights.
Pride is useful to wake up from a situation of sleep, and it should be the lever with which you rise above any situation of abuse and disrespect in an intelligent way, pride in these cases is a constructive force. It is not the force with which you send everything up in the air.
The confrontation you had is not normal. You should not be considering your family situation as normal, and you should absolutely commit to growing economically for yourself, and perhaps also to guarantee your mother a safe place in which to recover from the trauma she suffered with her husband.
You should perform the Healing the emotional body work by HPS Lydia.