OttoHart
Member
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2024
- Messages
- 460
I haven't posted about my personal experiences in meditation and on the path for a while, and this is mostly because I've been focusing on integrating what the ToZ teaches into my routine and being, while also being quite busy with helping in ToZ projects as well as in my life. But a milestone I've reached in cleaning triggered me to write this post, to share some of what I've experienced and learned from my months of Aura Cleaning. This is my personal experience, and I hope it can be useful in teaching some people, but the aim is not teaching, but rather the social element of other people seeing what this path can do, inviting others to speak out about their progress, and to get a community-sense conversation going.
How good your feel for energy is, what kind of programming you came into the ToZ with, and what kind of personality and past experiences you have, might make your experience different, which is why I invite everyone reading this to share where they had similar experiences to mine, or even better, where your experiences were different.
Here's what I've learned over time from my spiritual and material experiences, as well as a tidbit here and there from the Guardians I work under for ToZ.
1. You most likely won't be consistent at the beginning.
I have to admit, I certainly wasn't. I'm not a very disciplined individual (which is something I am working on), which might be a factor, but a discussion with a Guardian did explain to me that advancement often comes in cycles. As a beginner, there are many factors that might make you not pursue Cleaning meditation daily. The most basic can be just the fact that you're not a routine oriented person, not disciplined, your thoughts and actions aren't conscious self-serving patterns but rather subconscious "randomness". Other factors can be that you still haven't fully understood the benefits and integrated this knowledge (to know it works is different from "integrating within yourself the knowledge that it works"). Or maybe you can't feel energy well.
Whatever it is, you might find yourself in cycles of doing Cleaning and perhaps gaining some benefits from it, but then, for one reason or another, you stop for some time, then decide you'll push again, then stop again for some reason, and so on and so forth. This, as far as I can see, is normal.
There is a fine balance here. These cycles can then go into learned helplessness. Maybe you start thinking "hey, I'm just not disciplined, I can't follow this", or the weight of your failures is too heavy and you start identifying as weak. Ironically, cleaning helps with exactly these kinds of things, because these can often act like thoughtforms.
So you must absolutely understand that doing it daily is the goal, and that you should do it daily, while still not beating yourself up over it in an unproductive way.
I must confess that it took me a few months before I really went on a consistent daily stretch of cleaning work. Let this be an invitation for other Zevists to be honest about themselves and the level they are on on the path.
How did I progress from on and off to daily? Well, the more I did it, the more I understood it. I started to make progress in feeling the process of cleaning, I got better at visualization and vibration so the process became easier, I did it more and more so it became more and more of a habit, I started to see more and more results in my life so there was a loop of confidence building up, and eventually there was that click moment.
For me, beating myself up would've been a pitfall. Thoughts of "man, I can't stick to this!? I must be a failure" only really went away when I took a third person perspective and realized "hey, would I tell this to any other Zevist? No, I'd be encouraging". So instead of hating myself, I lovingly nurtured myself and was always optimistic I'll eventually be doing it daily. And these thoughts slowly manifested the goal, and now I do it daily and it's like brushing my teeth.
2. Material results would most likely come first, so be aware.
For quite some time, I felt nothing during the meditation process. Well, I was proud I did it, I knew it would do something, I got better at visualization, more efficient at vibrating, but I didn't feel anything special. No immediate shift in consciousness, no energy, nothing. This is where MANY new Zevists might throw in the towel.
Here, it is essential to journal your day and talk to the Gods in "prayer". Asking Father to keep teaching me about Cleaning and what it does for me was an anchor, and journaling my day was often the way I was shown this progress. Sure, I didn't feel anything happening, but after a week of consistent cleaning I was making better decisions. I was having less mood swings. The past was affecting me a little less. I was more aware of how my thought patterns operate, which ones stemmed from trauma inflicted upon me by the external world, and which ones were my genuine inner personality.
That's ultimately what cleaning does. And I WOULD HAVE MISSED THIS if I wasn't building awareness by journaling. I still journal, but I don't need it as much, because I've become more positively introspective and have a clearer view of my life, thoughts, habits, whatever.
3. Sometimes, you need a little push to feel energy.
I was in the habit of doing 8 RAUM vibrations for cleaning, one for the aura and one for each Chakra. Then I pushed it to 10, then 18, and the material effects did increase with no strain on my part.
One discussion in Outreach, I was advised to push it harder once, and see what I feel, because not being able to feel energy was annoying me at a certain level.
So I decided to just not even second guess it, and sit there, for 20 minutes (I ended up only doing 15), vibrating RAUM and visualizing the cleaning process, without a rep count, without anything, just full immersion.
I got into a light trance a few minutes in, I was feeling a pleasant head high a few more minutes in, and by 10 minutes I was slowly bobbing my torso front and back, which upon doing research is the nervous system trying to relax itself. After 15 minutes, I was getting slightly dizzy, and getting that one negative feeling was my cue to stop. Perfect stopping point for me, I felt amazing for up to an hour after. Just bliss, to the level that I didn't want to get up from laying down in my bed, I was just taking it all in.
What I was feeling was energy. My body was reacting to it. My mind and how I perceived reality was reacting to it. Positive sensations were there, a warm energy, much like what sitting in the sun felt like as a small child. Whimsical.
And the "material effects", so to say, were actually instant this time around. The second I opened my eyes, it was like I could see reality more clearly. Like a lot of brain fog was gone.
And this didn't just happen when I pushed things. The next day, I only meditated for about 8 minutes, and while the symptoms were far lower, I could see them more clearly, because I knew what to look for now.
Energy is always being used when cleaning, even if you don't feel it. It was there all along, maybe weaker than that time I pushed it. But from then onwards, I was able to understand it more.
Being able to feel energy is a process in itself, and can probably take years to master. Just because I understood the energy of RAUM a little bit, doesn't mean I'm now suddenly a master of energy. Different mantras and practices have different energies, understanding the three steps of magick in an internal way takes time, and I am still making progress in a lot of areas as far as this is concerned.
This is not an invitation for you to go rambo and fry yourself just to feel something, or go around "testing". But what I am saying is that, sometimes, you might have to take small leaps, a little push here and there, in order to make progress, and that you shouldn't let fear of the unknown push you away from an otherwise rational decision.
Recent experience and my current cleaning, goals
Today, when cleaning, I experienced something peculiar that made me want to make this post. After a few vibrations of RAUM and getting into a very light trance (I can now seem to do this autonomously, about 3 months of trance sessions seem to have done their job), I am fairly sure I saw my aura during cleaning. I was focused on visualization, but my visualizing gave way to me literally SEEING white-gold in front of my very eyes while closed, similarly to how you'd see it when looking at a source of light. I was calm and in meditation, but I was very excited. I looked around a little bit while still vibrating, and all around me was just white-gold. Inescapable. No source of light in my room to cause this.
Frankly, I didn't visualize and just focused on this visual for the duration of the cleaning, and it felt like a normal cleaning session for me. I'll most likely still visualize in the future, as I can't "see" my Chakras and whatnot, but I will have to then experiment and reintegrate my practice into this new little ability I experienced.
Nowadays, I don't even count my reps when cleaning. I put on a timer for the amount I want to do (7-10 minutes depending on needs, how I feel, etc.) and just vibrate away. It helps me get in the zone and silence my analytical brain. Maybe I'll go back to counting at some point, but this seems to work for me, and upon recording a few sessions, I seem to be getting about the same amount of vibrations done every time (this becomes a skill over practice).
I don't do any special cleaning cycles, take advantage of Esbats, or anything of the like, but that might be in my future. For now I am enjoying the fact that I get to do this daily, feel it, and benefit from it.
Thanksgiving
I want to thank @Hp. Hoodedcobra666 and @HPS Lydia for their material on cleaning. Very great, and I feel like thankfulness is deserved here now that I can vouch based on experience about these things.
I want to thank @Alexandros Iowno [JG] for his advice and discussions we had as part of Outreach. I would absolutely be doing work for ToZ even if there was no reward, but I do want to state here that working for the ToZ and supporting this place does come with rewards and blessings, in many direct and indirect ways.
I want to thank the ToZ itself, and everyone in it who supports it and is a part of it, for keeping this place alive so I could join, and I want to thank the Gods for this wisdom they have given us, and for all the support and guidance they have given me in so many ways.
If you've read this long post, replies are absolutely appreciated as they are my goal with it. Talk about your own cleaning experiences, about your lessons you might've learned if you're more advanced than me, about what this post might've taught you or helped you with, and so on. Let's create a nice discussion.
Hail Zeus!
How good your feel for energy is, what kind of programming you came into the ToZ with, and what kind of personality and past experiences you have, might make your experience different, which is why I invite everyone reading this to share where they had similar experiences to mine, or even better, where your experiences were different.
Here's what I've learned over time from my spiritual and material experiences, as well as a tidbit here and there from the Guardians I work under for ToZ.
1. You most likely won't be consistent at the beginning.
I have to admit, I certainly wasn't. I'm not a very disciplined individual (which is something I am working on), which might be a factor, but a discussion with a Guardian did explain to me that advancement often comes in cycles. As a beginner, there are many factors that might make you not pursue Cleaning meditation daily. The most basic can be just the fact that you're not a routine oriented person, not disciplined, your thoughts and actions aren't conscious self-serving patterns but rather subconscious "randomness". Other factors can be that you still haven't fully understood the benefits and integrated this knowledge (to know it works is different from "integrating within yourself the knowledge that it works"). Or maybe you can't feel energy well.
Whatever it is, you might find yourself in cycles of doing Cleaning and perhaps gaining some benefits from it, but then, for one reason or another, you stop for some time, then decide you'll push again, then stop again for some reason, and so on and so forth. This, as far as I can see, is normal.
There is a fine balance here. These cycles can then go into learned helplessness. Maybe you start thinking "hey, I'm just not disciplined, I can't follow this", or the weight of your failures is too heavy and you start identifying as weak. Ironically, cleaning helps with exactly these kinds of things, because these can often act like thoughtforms.
So you must absolutely understand that doing it daily is the goal, and that you should do it daily, while still not beating yourself up over it in an unproductive way.
I must confess that it took me a few months before I really went on a consistent daily stretch of cleaning work. Let this be an invitation for other Zevists to be honest about themselves and the level they are on on the path.
How did I progress from on and off to daily? Well, the more I did it, the more I understood it. I started to make progress in feeling the process of cleaning, I got better at visualization and vibration so the process became easier, I did it more and more so it became more and more of a habit, I started to see more and more results in my life so there was a loop of confidence building up, and eventually there was that click moment.
For me, beating myself up would've been a pitfall. Thoughts of "man, I can't stick to this!? I must be a failure" only really went away when I took a third person perspective and realized "hey, would I tell this to any other Zevist? No, I'd be encouraging". So instead of hating myself, I lovingly nurtured myself and was always optimistic I'll eventually be doing it daily. And these thoughts slowly manifested the goal, and now I do it daily and it's like brushing my teeth.
2. Material results would most likely come first, so be aware.
For quite some time, I felt nothing during the meditation process. Well, I was proud I did it, I knew it would do something, I got better at visualization, more efficient at vibrating, but I didn't feel anything special. No immediate shift in consciousness, no energy, nothing. This is where MANY new Zevists might throw in the towel.
Here, it is essential to journal your day and talk to the Gods in "prayer". Asking Father to keep teaching me about Cleaning and what it does for me was an anchor, and journaling my day was often the way I was shown this progress. Sure, I didn't feel anything happening, but after a week of consistent cleaning I was making better decisions. I was having less mood swings. The past was affecting me a little less. I was more aware of how my thought patterns operate, which ones stemmed from trauma inflicted upon me by the external world, and which ones were my genuine inner personality.
That's ultimately what cleaning does. And I WOULD HAVE MISSED THIS if I wasn't building awareness by journaling. I still journal, but I don't need it as much, because I've become more positively introspective and have a clearer view of my life, thoughts, habits, whatever.
3. Sometimes, you need a little push to feel energy.
I was in the habit of doing 8 RAUM vibrations for cleaning, one for the aura and one for each Chakra. Then I pushed it to 10, then 18, and the material effects did increase with no strain on my part.
One discussion in Outreach, I was advised to push it harder once, and see what I feel, because not being able to feel energy was annoying me at a certain level.
So I decided to just not even second guess it, and sit there, for 20 minutes (I ended up only doing 15), vibrating RAUM and visualizing the cleaning process, without a rep count, without anything, just full immersion.
I got into a light trance a few minutes in, I was feeling a pleasant head high a few more minutes in, and by 10 minutes I was slowly bobbing my torso front and back, which upon doing research is the nervous system trying to relax itself. After 15 minutes, I was getting slightly dizzy, and getting that one negative feeling was my cue to stop. Perfect stopping point for me, I felt amazing for up to an hour after. Just bliss, to the level that I didn't want to get up from laying down in my bed, I was just taking it all in.
What I was feeling was energy. My body was reacting to it. My mind and how I perceived reality was reacting to it. Positive sensations were there, a warm energy, much like what sitting in the sun felt like as a small child. Whimsical.
And the "material effects", so to say, were actually instant this time around. The second I opened my eyes, it was like I could see reality more clearly. Like a lot of brain fog was gone.
And this didn't just happen when I pushed things. The next day, I only meditated for about 8 minutes, and while the symptoms were far lower, I could see them more clearly, because I knew what to look for now.
Energy is always being used when cleaning, even if you don't feel it. It was there all along, maybe weaker than that time I pushed it. But from then onwards, I was able to understand it more.
Being able to feel energy is a process in itself, and can probably take years to master. Just because I understood the energy of RAUM a little bit, doesn't mean I'm now suddenly a master of energy. Different mantras and practices have different energies, understanding the three steps of magick in an internal way takes time, and I am still making progress in a lot of areas as far as this is concerned.
This is not an invitation for you to go rambo and fry yourself just to feel something, or go around "testing". But what I am saying is that, sometimes, you might have to take small leaps, a little push here and there, in order to make progress, and that you shouldn't let fear of the unknown push you away from an otherwise rational decision.
Recent experience and my current cleaning, goals
Today, when cleaning, I experienced something peculiar that made me want to make this post. After a few vibrations of RAUM and getting into a very light trance (I can now seem to do this autonomously, about 3 months of trance sessions seem to have done their job), I am fairly sure I saw my aura during cleaning. I was focused on visualization, but my visualizing gave way to me literally SEEING white-gold in front of my very eyes while closed, similarly to how you'd see it when looking at a source of light. I was calm and in meditation, but I was very excited. I looked around a little bit while still vibrating, and all around me was just white-gold. Inescapable. No source of light in my room to cause this.
Frankly, I didn't visualize and just focused on this visual for the duration of the cleaning, and it felt like a normal cleaning session for me. I'll most likely still visualize in the future, as I can't "see" my Chakras and whatnot, but I will have to then experiment and reintegrate my practice into this new little ability I experienced.
Nowadays, I don't even count my reps when cleaning. I put on a timer for the amount I want to do (7-10 minutes depending on needs, how I feel, etc.) and just vibrate away. It helps me get in the zone and silence my analytical brain. Maybe I'll go back to counting at some point, but this seems to work for me, and upon recording a few sessions, I seem to be getting about the same amount of vibrations done every time (this becomes a skill over practice).
I don't do any special cleaning cycles, take advantage of Esbats, or anything of the like, but that might be in my future. For now I am enjoying the fact that I get to do this daily, feel it, and benefit from it.
Thanksgiving
I want to thank @Hp. Hoodedcobra666 and @HPS Lydia for their material on cleaning. Very great, and I feel like thankfulness is deserved here now that I can vouch based on experience about these things.
I want to thank @Alexandros Iowno [JG] for his advice and discussions we had as part of Outreach. I would absolutely be doing work for ToZ even if there was no reward, but I do want to state here that working for the ToZ and supporting this place does come with rewards and blessings, in many direct and indirect ways.
I want to thank the ToZ itself, and everyone in it who supports it and is a part of it, for keeping this place alive so I could join, and I want to thank the Gods for this wisdom they have given us, and for all the support and guidance they have given me in so many ways.
If you've read this long post, replies are absolutely appreciated as they are my goal with it. Talk about your own cleaning experiences, about your lessons you might've learned if you're more advanced than me, about what this post might've taught you or helped you with, and so on. Let's create a nice discussion.
Hail Zeus!
![Alexandros Iowno [JG]](/data/avatars/m/21/21004.jpg?1723141422){kind=avatar}
