luvpuppy_uk
New member
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2010
- Messages
- 5
Dear Friends
Someone in the gay satanist group asked me what I was doing to empower myself as a satanist besides begging Hell for help on a daily basis. I've decided to post my response to that also in this group to give all of you a clearer picture of what I face here. These things are hard for me to write as I have to stifle a lot of despair and anguish inside. Even through it all I try to keep a smile even though I have to force one most of the time. Anyway I hope the situation becomes clearer. Thanks to all who have offered me support and kind words. It means so very much to me. Thank you.
Hail Satan!!!
Paul
.............
Dear Friend
There is little I can do beyond praying in the bathroom very late at night when everyone is asleep as it is the only place I get any privacy. Yes this is true the sad fact is that this is all true. Failing that when I'm in bed asleep I create 'places' or 'rooms' in my mind and imagine I am there away from all this and I try to visualise father coming to me or Lucifuge and I do try to listen
for responses but I am so fucked up inside it gets so confused sometimes I cannot trust what I am getting. You may ask why I go into the bathroom to pray?
As I said before it would take many, many pages to fully explain everything, but suffice to say I have a xian cousin who sleeps on a couch in my room and is always around. I have no privacy whatsoever here. Oh and he's also a xian manic depressive and has some really grating behaviours that really does wonders for my own situation let me tell you. It's a good thing I can't slash my wrists with my electric shaver
My parents barge into my room whenever they feel like it so I dare not even put anything untoward on my computer screen much less wank. Sometimes when I dare to put something on the screen, my mother barges in and I frantically rush to cut the power. As for even a simple wank. What's the point? I crave real human contact something that I've not had now for at least 8 months and there is no way in the world I'm ever going to get that.
I know practically nothing about magic just a few bits and pieces and everything i do is watched and spied upon and even a simple candle I use in the bathroom to burn while I implore fathers by talking to him (prayer if you like) help must be hidden to avoid questions being asked. So mentally every day I send out my plea to Father and Lucifuge to help me escape from here so I can rebuild my life and
in the process unlearn the shit I've been taught and to learn the truth I have found via joyofsatan. I want to be in a place where I can read, practice and grow as a true son of Father. This is like a prison as I have stated before. I would never wish on anyone what I have had to endure and continue to do so. So I pray or as you say beg. I would rather be called Father's beggar than ever become what my family wants me to be. It would be a living death. So what is the
point of life?
Someone in the gay satanist group asked me what I was doing to empower myself as a satanist besides begging Hell for help on a daily basis. I've decided to post my response to that also in this group to give all of you a clearer picture of what I face here. These things are hard for me to write as I have to stifle a lot of despair and anguish inside. Even through it all I try to keep a smile even though I have to force one most of the time. Anyway I hope the situation becomes clearer. Thanks to all who have offered me support and kind words. It means so very much to me. Thank you.
Hail Satan!!!
Paul
.............
Dear Friend
There is little I can do beyond praying in the bathroom very late at night when everyone is asleep as it is the only place I get any privacy. Yes this is true the sad fact is that this is all true. Failing that when I'm in bed asleep I create 'places' or 'rooms' in my mind and imagine I am there away from all this and I try to visualise father coming to me or Lucifuge and I do try to listen
for responses but I am so fucked up inside it gets so confused sometimes I cannot trust what I am getting. You may ask why I go into the bathroom to pray?
As I said before it would take many, many pages to fully explain everything, but suffice to say I have a xian cousin who sleeps on a couch in my room and is always around. I have no privacy whatsoever here. Oh and he's also a xian manic depressive and has some really grating behaviours that really does wonders for my own situation let me tell you. It's a good thing I can't slash my wrists with my electric shaver
My parents barge into my room whenever they feel like it so I dare not even put anything untoward on my computer screen much less wank. Sometimes when I dare to put something on the screen, my mother barges in and I frantically rush to cut the power. As for even a simple wank. What's the point? I crave real human contact something that I've not had now for at least 8 months and there is no way in the world I'm ever going to get that.
I know practically nothing about magic just a few bits and pieces and everything i do is watched and spied upon and even a simple candle I use in the bathroom to burn while I implore fathers by talking to him (prayer if you like) help must be hidden to avoid questions being asked. So mentally every day I send out my plea to Father and Lucifuge to help me escape from here so I can rebuild my life and
in the process unlearn the shit I've been taught and to learn the truth I have found via joyofsatan. I want to be in a place where I can read, practice and grow as a true son of Father. This is like a prison as I have stated before. I would never wish on anyone what I have had to endure and continue to do so. So I pray or as you say beg. I would rather be called Father's beggar than ever become what my family wants me to be. It would be a living death. So what is the
point of life?
