Bad dream

[noudarsn]

Hello everyone, hope you all are doing good
this might take long time to read, and i'm sorry for that.
i had a dream yesterday where i was depressed, full of sickness and lost (kind of like how i am in general) i somehow found a place when i was wondering in a forest with a very depressing dark weather (even though i love darkness it was depressing at that time) i then entered that place (some kind of a room) where there was high priestess Maxine and some other high priests and priestesses, even though i don't know anyone of them and never saw or talked to them in real life. i asked them for help and they got somewhat panicked because i was being followed and attacked by two "monsters" greys or angels i suppose. one of them was more powerful than the other, anyways Maxine and the others asked me to leave that place and stay outside while they were discussing my matter as if these two monsters were insanely powerful and hard to deal with, they were flying and spinning high above of me.

then i half woke up, entered a sleep paralysis and got out of it by screaming for help from Maxine and the others (i didn't actually scream) as you know sometimes when you're in sleep paralysis you're more asleep than you are awake, and then i fully woke up. tell me i'm lying and i don't care, but these sleep paralysis i'm having are caused by someone or shall i say something?..

i suppose my dream meant that i'm being attacked, and i already know that but not fully sure about it. i'm not sure if it's from a curse or something someone cast upon me, or if it's a creature is attacking me with their own will.

i already know i have to create an aura of protection and empower it everyday, but the thing is it's harder than you think. see, at first i thought i'm just being lazy and that's why every time i decide to meditate everyday for the rest of my life i eventually end up giving up on that. but i realized that someone is causing that! i have a very strong will and i'm pretty sure i would be able to maintain a habit or a routine of meditating if it wasn't for that thing. last time i was able to meditate for a full four months for many hours every single day! and... i stopped, it wasn't a sudden stop. everyday i started meditating less and less..

and since then i kept trying to come back to meditating every now and then, but i just can't! there's something preventing me, sometimes i lasted for weeks and sometimes only for a few days. and i NEED to meditate, more than you can ever imagine!

i tried seeking help from Satan himself, but i feel like somehow he asked me to solve it by myself because it's like a several sources for my problem and i need to work on all of them. and i believe that too, i hate to ask Satan to do something for me as long as it's still possible for me to do it by myself!

i really need to empower myself and my aura, i have a TOEFL exam pretty soon and i just can't study, same like when i want to meditate.. i need it for me to be able to enter a university and look after myself and my family who need me so much. they too are lost and depressed for many MANY reasons that i don't feel like talking about. i have to help them financially, emotionally and spiritually.

like i said i don't believe in asking others to solve my problems, i'm just here seeking guidance, maybe one of you guys had similar problems to mine and can guide me somehow, maybe a little 'you can do it' can help.. can you guys help me somehow? do you think the dream i had was correct about me being attacked?
oh and long meditating sessions tend to be so hard for me to do for some reason.. meditating makes wonder and help me more than anything but i just can't do it!

Thanks for every and each one of you in advance.

HAIL SATAN!!