I'll wait, I want to work on myself. But this loneliness becomes unbearable.
I had some biases against Goddess Ishtar, she represents sexual freedom and is a Goddess of love. I never really understood why boys, even bisexual, see homosexuals as disgusting or just a use and throw material. Why they only choose girls over boys, I truly loved someone but he choose a girl over me. He was the first who lured me into it then left me. I cry for him everyday. Whenever I see a straight couple, I feel hurt and pain. I feel like there is some problem with me, I'm not good, I'm imperfect. Only straight sex and love is right. This hurts me very much and I cry.
On Friday, 8 July 2022, I was crying again. I wanted to know the true meaning of love. While crying I asked Goddess Ishtar, " You are the Goddess of love. What is love? What is meaning of love? Why should we love? What is the need to love?" I imagined her with her multiple lovers.
That's when I got my answer, it was sudden and out of nowhere. I felt she's is doing something and is very busy and is very annoyed with me. And these sentences flashed in my mind out of nowhere.
"Love is Happiness. It ensures that we help each other."
It is the most satisfactory answer. This is why Gods care for us, parents care for their children, friends for each other and a lover cares for his/her loved one. It ensures our survival.
I'm not saying Ishtar talked to me, it's just I got my answer when I prayed to her. I wanted to show my gratitude so I write it here. Thank you Mother Ishtar.
Now I know he didn't love me. Now I have a hope that I won't be lonely forever. I will too have a partner and love like everyone else.
I'll wait and let the gods decide a true and perfect partner for me.
Thank you Goddess Ishtar
Thank you Father Satan