Am I a Victim, or do I play the victim?

[Satanic Path]

It Is hard for me to talk about this thing that happened to me when I was a child.
It took me a lot to tell my mom, and my therapist.
I felt guilty and dirty.
But at the same time I tend to minimize everything I lived that day.
I tell to myself: It was Just a game.
I don't really know what to think about It, I don't want to play the victim.
Some years ago my best friend told me he was violated by the same asshole.
We talked about It and his case turned out to be even worse than mine.
This "Person" litterally put his, well, his thing, in his mouth.
And when my friend got scared and ran away, he has done the same thing he did with me: he threatened my friend.
To male It clearer, we were 6/7, and this boy was 13/14.
In my case, It happened when he was giving me private lessons for school, as my father was really a good friend with his.
I remeber the strange games he would do with me.
He would sit on me or show me his thing on the bed, under the blankets.
He used to enter the bathroom when I was inside with different cop-outs, very stupid excuses.
Once I got fed up, because all that seemed to be wrong to me, and I ran away from the bed, wanting to call his mom and tell her his son was doing something wrong to me.
This happened different times, sorry but I don't remember everything.
My mind really wants to forget, even if this was just a stupid game.
But was It?
Sometimes I feel like It was my fault, because I could've told my dad or my mother, but I was afraid, disgusted by all that mess.
I could've stopped him.
But I did not.
I don't want to play the victim, but these days of quarantine and isolation have me thinking a lot.
And I just keep wondering: am I a victim, and was It Just a stupid game? Or was It really wrong, terribly wrong?
Have I been weak since I didn't find the courage to speak when all that was happening?

 

[GG Allin]

It Is hard for me to talk about this thing that happened to me when I was a child.
It took me a lot to tell my mom, and my therapist.
I felt guilty and dirty.
But at the same time I tend to minimize everything I lived that day.
I tell to myself: It was Just a game.
I don't really know what to think about It, I don't want to play the victim.
Some years ago my best friend told me he was violated by the same asshole.
We talked about It and his case turned out to be even worse than mine.
This "Person" litterally put his, well, his thing, in his mouth.
And when my friend got scared and ran away, he has done the same thing he did with me: he threatened my friend.
To male It clearer, we were 6/7, and this boy was 13/14.
In my case, It happened when he was giving me private lessons for school, as my father was really a good friend with his.
I remeber the strange games he would do with me.
He would sit on me or show me his thing on the bed, under the blankets.
He used to enter the bathroom when I was inside with different cop-outs, very stupid excuses.
Once I got fed up, because all that seemed to be wrong to me, and I ran away from the bed, wanting to call his mom and tell her his son was doing something wrong to me.
This happened different times, sorry but I don't remember everything.
My mind really wants to forget, even if this was just a stupid game.
But was It?
Sometimes I feel like It was my fault, because I could've told my dad or my mother, but I was afraid, disgusted by all that mess.
I could've stopped him.
But I did not.
I don't want to play the victim, but these days of quarantine and isolation have me thinking a lot.
And I just keep wondering: am I a victim, and was It Just a stupid game? Or was It really wrong, terribly wrong?
Have I been weak since I didn't find the courage to speak when all that was happening?

It´s up to you what you want:

You could punish him: https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/BLACKMAGICK.html

or

do a Munka and/or ansuz working 111 times with an affirmation. (add always "in a positive way for me" also)

Change the affirmation so it suits you:
"There is so much stuff out there that is against xtianity you may have to kind of reprogram your mind yourself. Also Munka and/or ansuz working 111 times with an affirmation like “I am completely and eternally free of Christianity in every way” or “I am completely and eternally free of all connections and influences of the enemies of Satan right now” (I got that affirmation from something Hooded Cobra posted along time ago) or create an affirmation you like yourself if you don’t like these but it gives you an idea.

Good luck all this can be helpful." slyscorpion

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=37506&p=150004&hilit=munka+working#p150004

Whoever gets overpowered in a situation, is the victim, at this moment, but it is up to the individual to learn from this and act better in the future.

 

[Aquarius]

Could be both. Do you play victim? I don't know, do you like telling this to people so that they feel bad for you and you just keep doing this to seek attention without working on yourself? then most likely you play victim.

Are you a victim? Surely you are, you got abused afterall. But after a point it's time to work on it to fix your mind from this shit. If you need help on what to do just ask here, many people are gonna help you and give you advice.

 

[Shael]

...

I would say you definitely were a victim. It shouldn't be expected from a little kid to know what is right to do in a situation like this. It most definitely was not your fault. I wouldnt punish the other guy since he was basically still a kid too (if anything his parents would need punishing), but you should clean yourself from these traumas and bad feelings for sure.

 

[Satanic Path]

Could be both. Do you play victim? I don't know, do you like telling this to people so that they feel bad for you and you just keep doing this to seek attention without working on yourself? then most likely you play victim.

Are you a victim? Surely you are, you got abused afterall. But after a point it's time to work on it to fix your mind from this shit. If you need help on what to do just ask here, many people are gonna help you and give you advice.

Hi Aquarius, as always your answers are clear and fair.
No, I don't like telling people about this, it's a shame for me.
It was really hard to tell my parents and my therapist about this, It made and makes still feel a bit dirty.
I was the one who always said " Why Is It so difficult for abused children to talk about their trauma?"
And now I know the answer.
This kind of events make you feel wrong and dirty.
Thank you, Aquarius.

 

[Aquarius]

Could be both. Do you play victim? I don't know, do you like telling this to people so that they feel bad for you and you just keep doing this to seek attention without working on yourself? then most likely you play victim.

Are you a victim? Surely you are, you got abused afterall. But after a point it's time to work on it to fix your mind from this shit. If you need help on what to do just ask here, many people are gonna help you and give you advice.

Hi Aquarius, as always your answers are clear and fair.
No, I don't like telling people about this, it's a shame for me.
It was really hard to tell my parents and my therapist about this, It made and makes still feel a bit dirty.
I was the one who always said " Why Is It so difficult for abused children to talk about their trauma?"
And now I know the answer.
This kind of events make you feel wrong and dirty.
Thank you, Aquarius.

I never had such thing happen to me so I'm sorry if the following won't help you.
To answer your question " Why Is It so difficult for abused children to talk about their trauma?" I believe that it's difficult maybe because you are embarassed about it, maybe because you know that parents would just dismiss it(I hope not, that case must be horrible), maybe because you feel like you don't deserve help? These are just options. Since you feel "dirty" about it maybe your are very embarassed about it, maybe this event has made you shy in regards to sexuality and you feel "dirty" even just speaking about it. If this is correct then you should try to get rid of negative thoughts about sexuality, accept that it's something totally natural and healthy, and get rid of the thought that you are "dirty" by thinking such thing, this should help you a lot. You can do soul freeing workings to get rid of sexual hangups and workings to free yourself from the negative psychological effects of what happened to you. I suggest doing 90 days of these workings. If you are unsure about anything just ask me, I'm gonna help you as much as you need