Advice for young men

[ᥫ᭡. Echos ৻ꪆ]

I’m not sure how well received this post might be, but I have seen a lot of younger men struggle with making an identity for themselves, interacting with women, or becoming more likeable.


Starting off: I’m writing this because I am young enough to relate to a lot of men and women entering adulthood today but old enough to have had some experiences (quite bad, frankly) with the opposite gender.


So, why is so hard for many men to attract women nowadays? Until recently, men didn’t quite have to work nearly as hard to find a partner. Women relied on them for many things, such as financial stability. They couldn’t have a credit card, or own a house. Moreover, there was the immense pressure to marry early. There's also the fact that options were much more limited and at a local, regional level.


I won’t go on and discuss whether this was a positive or negative thing. I know it might cause a lot of frustration among men, but as a woman who has lived in Eastern Europe and saw domestic violence and abuse in three generations of women before me, I am happy that I won’t have to go through the same thing. Or that, at least, I’ll have the freedom to divorce or separate if it does happen.


What causes such high standards in women? Women no longer rely on men for things. They can work, they can take care of themselves. Many prefer being single over being paired with a man that really doesn’t put effort into themselves and the relationship. The same applies for the opposite situation too, of course, but it’s well known that many men grow up weaponizing incompetence. I cannot say that I’ve had enough experience (just three relatively long-term relationships) but in two of them my boyfriends were relatively incompetent. They didn’t know how to clean, and their mothers often did it for them. That’s unacceptable in this age for women.


Do women also have unrealistic expectations? A lot of them do, of course. However, while I cannot talk about Western spaces, I can guarantee that plenty more also have relatively lax expectations of their partners, including me. Be genuine, take care of yourself, clean after yourself, be decent at sex (or at least willing to learn). Being thoughtful also goes a long way. Now, a lot of men here might disagree with me and say that this won’t really change things. For the women that are low-value, and you shouldn’t focus on, regardless of how attractive they are, yes. It won’t matter. But if you want a long-term partner that’s good, these will very much matter to them.


What causes this division between genders? Frankly, I think that one of the biggest pain points is the fact that neither gender is willing to see the other as human. Men and women turn each other into villains and base their attraction on unrealistic standards shaped by media, filters, and people who must dedicate their entire lives to looking good — it’s literally their job. People sexualize the opposite gender to ungodly levels. As a man, if you’re only nice to a woman or girl because you’re sexually attracted to her or want sex, then you have some big issues you must work on. It’s important, regardless of gender, to see the opposite gender as human. People with their own mind, soul, inspirations, dislikes, or likes. They don’t exist for your gratification, and they certainly don’t exist for you to sexualize them or try to take advantage of them for your own favor. I’m well aware of how hard it can be, especially when interacting with non-SS people, but it’s critical to have a basic level of respect. Respect the other gender. I’m talking here about both men and women. There are bad people everywhere and that won’t change for a long time yet, but that doesn’t mean everyone wants to cause you harm. Many just want to genuinely connect and find a meaningful bond, platonic or romantic.


Now, if you’re a young man, there are some recommendations that I can offer you as a woman. Things based on both my experience and that of other women.


Hygiene, self-care, clothing style: I know it’s obvious, and it has probably been repeated countless times before. But it does matter. Taking care of your hygiene is essential and, while I imagine that this does not apply for most teenagers or young men here, there might be someone that does need to hear it: wash yourself. Regularly. I do it daily and most people do it daily, but you should take a shower regularly, even if it’s once every other day. Wash your ass. Wash your balls. Practice basic skincare. Believe me, it matters in the long-term. Cleanser (double cleansing if you have oily skin), moisturizer, sunscreen. So many men look so aged up in their 30s and 40s because they just refuse to take care of themselves. You might see is as unnecessary, but why allow yourself to age prematurely when you can take 15 minutes a day to nurture and protect your skin?


It’s NOT taking away from your masculinity, no matter what the media tries to push on you. On that note, also take care of your body — especially if you don’t have parents that push you to do it. Go to check-ups. Go to the dentist. I was raised by my grandmother and bless her, while she did her best, she very much caused some issues that could have been easily solved in my teenagerhood if she did these things. Don’t sleep on your health. Your teeth are a very important part of your body and, eventually, you will need to solve any issues that appear with them if you slack on dentist visits and proper care. And solving those issues is very expensive.


Moving to clothing. It’s not hard to make sure that you look good. If you like brighter colors, make sure that they fit well together and avoid patterns on them. Of course, that’s a bit biased due to personal taste. But these usually look immature and boyish. Lay off the sports shirts. Build a wardrobe that will benefit you in most situations. I’d recommend going for something business casual — good slacks, some nice t-shirts, some sweaters that fit you well. They don’t necessarily have to be in cooler tones, but there’s a reason why business casual seems to look best on men.


Note: that does not mean you need to wear a suit every single day. And obviously, this won’t work too well if you’re taking up a trade. It’s important to find a balance and see what suits you best, while also making sure that you’re not looking like a clown or a hobo. Colors work, but only if you know how to match them well. It takes a bit of research, but it’s worth it in the long-term.


Cologne or perfume: Smelling good is very advantageous. No, you don’t have to wear the most expensive brands. And please, for the love of the Gods, do not go for the generic white man option, such as Dior or Jean Paul Gaultier. They’re expensive, overrated, and smell the same most of the time. The formulas got ruined over years and years of being reused. There are many smaller brands that you can take into consideration. Another piece of advice is experimenting with unisex or even feminine perfumes. Sweeter notes can work really well on men.


If you’re going into adulthood, you can either:


Get two perfumes: One cheaper but good, that you can use daily, and a more expensive one for special occasions.


Get three perfumes that have different notes: example, something fresh, something darker, something sweeter.


Do NOT buy them without trying them on your own body first. Each person has a different PH level, and just because it smells good on someone else doesn’t mean the same will apply to you. Test it personally and check the scent, the strength, and whether it’s long-lasting or not.


Don’t go for the cheapest option. It’s tempting, but very cheap perfumes tend to gain an alcohol smell very early on. Unless you’re looking for something you plan on using for a special occasion (where you can splurge a bit) try something mid-range. There are also plenty of dupes on the market, mimicking after highly expensive options. I personally use Yodeyma at the moment, which seems to last very well and have a strong fragrance too.


Don’t keep them in the bathroom. Differences in temperature will damage them. Keep them in your bedroom.


Chores, competencies, and independence


It’s not a new story that men are usually considered pretty incompetent, at least when it comes to the household.


Your job, entering adulthood, is to not be part of that particular category.


It doesn’t mean you have to be good at everything. I personally dislike cooking, but I’m sucking it up and learning it because I’m an adult.


We live in a time when it’s easier than ever to learn new skills thanks to the internet.


You can easily learn how to cook through the internet. You should be able to at least make basic recipes and not burn down the kitchen. Moreover, you should have some basic skills in keeping an environment clean and tidy. Cleaning is not a hard skill to learn. Everyone has a technique for doing it. And it sucks, yes — but it’s something you must be able to do. There’s no woman out there (or there are only very few left) that will be happy to have a relationship with a man that doesn’t have basic adulthood skills.


Learn how to iron a shirt. Learn how to clean a room. Learn how to make basic recipes.


And most importantly: be proactive. You have two hands and two eyes. And a functioning brain. It’s the small things that matter a lot. You finish eating? Take a few minutes to wash the dishes. You see dishes in the sink? Wash them. There’s laundry to be done? Do it. The floor hasn’t been swept in two days? Do it.


I’m not saying that you need to do everything. And I’m certainly not saying that you must be good at everything. But you must be good at SOME skills in the household. No one will beat you up in a relationship if you don’t like doing the laundry or cleaning the bathroom, perhaps. But you must have enough ground to compromise on. And no, saying “but I don’t care if this room is dirty” won’t work. It will make women run away from you. Because your partner is not your nanny or mother. They’re your partner.


Porn usage and porn brainrot: In most discussions I have with non-SS men, this comes out as one of the biggest issues. I get it, it’s hard to not watch porn. Especially as a man. And while most women might tolerate it, there’s a very clear limit for many of them.


Pulling out a video from a porn website to do your business? That is passable for the general population of women.


Scrolling down Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok for thrist traps, following women that are photoshopped and make softcore porn, and looking up OF leaks or paying for them?


That’s a BIG red flag for most women. If your brain is incapable of separating sexuality from day-to-day life, you’re experiencing some serious addiction issues. The women present on these platforms don’t even look like themselves in real life, 90% of the time. You’re not only training your brain to continuously sexualize women, but you’re also building unrealistic expectations for yourself. Because, tough pill to swallow: most men wouldn’t be ok with their women constantly scrolling down on pictures of 10/10 men with 10 inch dicks.

(I'm well aware that there are also women who show this tendency with celebrities or fictional characters, but mature women do grow out of it.)


You have eyes. Finding other people attractive is perfectly normal, even in a relationship. But you’re not an animal. You should have some self-control. If you can, you should be able to focus that sexual energy on your partner, not on random women that are making thirst traps.


It’s also about respect. For a woman, seeing their partner do this can create huge insecurities - especially if those “models” are the opposite of what she looks like. I hear the excuse of “but you can’t control what a man should think of or look at” quite often. Perhaps not, but boundaries exist. You wouldn’t be ok with your girifriend fantasizing about your best friend, right? The same logic would apply here - that you can’t control what your partner thinks about or looks at. If you’ve taken the responsibility of being in a monogamous relationship, you should try to do your best to respect that. Beautiful and incredibly attractive people exist and that won’t change, but there’s something called self-control.


Maintaining a good body: Working out is what’s usually recommended. It’s for a good reason. And not because you need to look like a buff beast, but mainly because it will make you healthier. Someone leading a healthy lifestyle is attractive, on both genders. And you do have an advantage. Most men have great asses or can build great asses. Work on that. I have yet to find a woman in my social groups that doesn’t like a nice ass on a man. Don’t be the guy that has a beer belly in his 30s. Dad bods can happen and quite a few women find them attractive, but they’re not an excuse to let go of yourself.


Sex: A lot of men can be intimidated by a woman’s body. It’s normal. Even women find it intimidating sometimes. This is something that applies to both gender: learn about that body. Don’t be the guy that thinks women can hold their period in or who whines that women exaggerate how painful cramps are. Or, even worse, that the urethra exists inside the vagina. You don’t have to be perfect at sex. And your size does NOT matter nearly as much as you think. The average vaginal depth is around 3.6 inches or 9.1 cm and yes, it does stretch during sex, but it’s not a black hole. Your expectations when it comes to sex should not be based on porn videos, where they either use petite women or angles to make a man appear bigger most of the time. A lot of women will always prefer a smaller size over a bigger one. Why? Because getting rammed into the cervix is a highly unpleasant experience for the majority of us.


You have hands. And a mouth. And there are plenty of sex toys out there to improve your sex life. No, I’m not talking about Bad Dragon. Plenty of smaller toys focused on clitoral stimulation or clitoral/G-spot stimulation. They can work wonders and significantly improve your sex life. So don’t find them intimidating and don’t take offense at incorporating them into your life.


In the end, I’d recommend to focus on yourself first. It’s hard and there are so many things these days that target insecurities, but there are ways to get over them or ameliorate anything that’s bothering you. You don’t have to lose your virginity or get a girlfriend at 18, or 19, or even at 20. It’s better to be patient than get involved in bad situations with toxic or spiritually degenerated people, who will cause more bad than good to your soul and body. Chances are, you’re just an average guy. And that’s perfectly fine, in the time and age we live in. Most people are average. They start average. But that doesn’t mean you can’t build or improve on yourself. There’s not one recipe for getting a partner or becoming a highly attractive man, honestly. Just keep on improving yourself, advance spiritually, keep in mind basic things that can shape attraction, and try to meet any standards that you might want in a partner. Example: if you want a fit partner, then you should put in the effort to meet said standard yourself.


I hope I have not offended any man with this post - it's just some advice from a woman that's also definitely not perfect. I'm just trying to help some guys with things that most decent women usually focus on when trying to find a partner and, hopefully, also encourage some of you to take better care of yourselves.

 

[Henu the Great]

Very well-written message with important points raised. This is superb for especially those in their late teens and early twenties.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I’m not sure how well received this post might be, but I have seen a lot of younger men struggle with making an identity for themselves, interacting with women, or becoming more likeable.


Starting off: I’m writing this because I am young enough to relate to a lot of men and women entering adulthood today but old enough to have had some experiences (quite bad, frankly) with the opposite gender.


So, why is so hard for many men to attract women nowadays? Until recently, men didn’t quite have to work nearly as hard to find a partner. Women relied on them for many things, such as financial stability. They couldn’t have a credit card, or own a house. Moreover, there was the immense pressure to marry early. There's also the fact that options were much more limited and at a local, regional level.


I won’t go on and discuss whether this was a positive or negative thing. I know it might cause a lot of frustration among men, but as a woman who has lived in Eastern Europe and saw domestic violence and abuse in three generations of women before me, I am happy that I won’t have to go through the same thing. Or that, at least, I’ll have the freedom to divorce or separate if it does happen.


What causes such high standards in women? Women no longer rely on men for things. They can work, they can take care of themselves. Many prefer being single over being paired with a man that really doesn’t put effort into themselves and the relationship. The same applies for the opposite situation too, of course, but it’s well known that many men grow up weaponizing incompetence. I cannot say that I’ve had enough experience (just three relatively long-term relationships) but in two of them my boyfriends were relatively incompetent. They didn’t know how to clean, and their mothers often did it for them. That’s unacceptable in this age for women.


Do women also have unrealistic expectations? A lot of them do, of course. However, while I cannot talk about Western spaces, I can guarantee that plenty more also have relatively lax expectations of their partners, including me. Be genuine, take care of yourself, clean after yourself, be decent at sex (or at least willing to learn). Being thoughtful also goes a long way. Now, a lot of men here might disagree with me and say that this won’t really change things. For the women that are low-value, and you shouldn’t focus on, regardless of how attractive they are, yes. It won’t matter. But if you want a long-term partner that’s good, these will very much matter to them.


What causes this division between genders? Frankly, I think that one of the biggest pain points is the fact that neither gender is willing to see the other as human. Men and women turn each other into villains and base their attraction on unrealistic standards shaped by media, filters, and people who must dedicate their entire lives to looking good — it’s literally their job. People sexualize the opposite gender to ungodly levels. As a man, if you’re only nice to a woman or girl because you’re sexually attracted to her or want sex, then you have some big issues you must work on. It’s important, regardless of gender, to see the opposite gender as human. People with their own mind, soul, inspirations, dislikes, or likes. They don’t exist for your gratification, and they certainly don’t exist for you to sexualize them or try to take advantage of them for your own favor. I’m well aware of how hard it can be, especially when interacting with non-SS people, but it’s critical to have a basic level of respect. Respect the other gender. I’m talking here about both men and women. There are bad people everywhere and that won’t change for a long time yet, but that doesn’t mean everyone wants to cause you harm. Many just want to genuinely connect and find a meaningful bond, platonic or romantic.


Now, if you’re a young man, there are some recommendations that I can offer you as a woman. Things based on both my experience and that of other women.


Hygiene, self-care, clothing style: I know it’s obvious, and it has probably been repeated countless times before. But it does matter. Taking care of your hygiene is essential and, while I imagine that this does not apply for most teenagers or young men here, there might be someone that does need to hear it: wash yourself. Regularly. I do it daily and most people do it daily, but you should take a shower regularly, even if it’s once every other day. Wash your ass. Wash your balls. Practice basic skincare. Believe me, it matters in the long-term. Cleanser (double cleansing if you have oily skin), moisturizer, sunscreen. So many men look so aged up in their 30s and 40s because they just refuse to take care of themselves. You might see is as unnecessary, but why allow yourself to age prematurely when you can take 15 minutes a day to nurture and protect your skin?


It’s NOT taking away from your masculinity, no matter what the media tries to push on you. On that note, also take care of your body — especially if you don’t have parents that push you to do it. Go to check-ups. Go to the dentist. I was raised by my grandmother and bless her, while she did her best, she very much caused some issues that could have been easily solved in my teenagerhood if she did these things. Don’t sleep on your health. Your teeth are a very important part of your body and, eventually, you will need to solve any issues that appear with them if you slack on dentist visits and proper care. And solving those issues is very expensive.


Moving to clothing. It’s not hard to make sure that you look good. If you like brighter colors, make sure that they fit well together and avoid patterns on them. Of course, that’s a bit biased due to personal taste. But these usually look immature and boyish. Lay off the sports shirts. Build a wardrobe that will benefit you in most situations. I’d recommend going for something business casual — good slacks, some nice t-shirts, some sweaters that fit you well. They don’t necessarily have to be in cooler tones, but there’s a reason why business casual seems to look best on men.


Note: that does not mean you need to wear a suit every single day. And obviously, this won’t work too well if you’re taking up a trade. It’s important to find a balance and see what suits you best, while also making sure that you’re not looking like a clown or a hobo. Colors work, but only if you know how to match them well. It takes a bit of research, but it’s worth it in the long-term.


Cologne or perfume: Smelling good is very advantageous. No, you don’t have to wear the most expensive brands. And please, for the love of the Gods, do not go for the generic white man option, such as Dior or Jean Paul Gaultier. They’re expensive, overrated, and smell the same most of the time. The formulas got ruined over years and years of being reused. There are many smaller brands that you can take into consideration. Another piece of advice is experimenting with unisex or even feminine perfumes. Sweeter notes can work really well on men.


If you’re going into adulthood, you can either:


Get two perfumes: One cheaper but good, that you can use daily, and a more expensive one for special occasions.


Get three perfumes that have different notes: example, something fresh, something darker, something sweeter.


Do NOT buy them without trying them on your own body first. Each person has a different PH level, and just because it smells good on someone else doesn’t mean the same will apply to you. Test it personally and check the scent, the strength, and whether it’s long-lasting or not.


Don’t go for the cheapest option. It’s tempting, but very cheap perfumes tend to gain an alcohol smell very early on. Unless you’re looking for something you plan on using for a special occasion (where you can splurge a bit) try something mid-range. There are also plenty of dupes on the market, mimicking after highly expensive options. I personally use Yodeyma at the moment, which seems to last very well and have a strong fragrance too.


Don’t keep them in the bathroom. Differences in temperature will damage them. Keep them in your bedroom.


Chores, competencies, and independence


It’s not a new story that men are usually considered pretty incompetent, at least when it comes to the household.


Your job, entering adulthood, is to not be part of that particular category.


It doesn’t mean you have to be good at everything. I personally dislike cooking, but I’m sucking it up and learning it because I’m an adult.


We live in a time when it’s easier than ever to learn new skills thanks to the internet.


You can easily learn how to cook through the internet. You should be able to at least make basic recipes and not burn down the kitchen. Moreover, you should have some basic skills in keeping an environment clean and tidy. Cleaning is not a hard skill to learn. Everyone has a technique for doing it. And it sucks, yes — but it’s something you must be able to do. There’s no woman out there (or there are only very few left) that will be happy to have a relationship with a man that doesn’t have basic adulthood skills.


Learn how to iron a shirt. Learn how to clean a room. Learn how to make basic recipes.


And most importantly: be proactive. You have two hands and two eyes. And a functioning brain. It’s the small things that matter a lot. You finish eating? Take a few minutes to wash the dishes. You see dishes in the sink? Wash them. There’s laundry to be done? Do it. The floor hasn’t been swept in two days? Do it.


I’m not saying that you need to do everything. And I’m certainly not saying that you must be good at everything. But you must be good at SOME skills in the household. No one will beat you up in a relationship if you don’t like doing the laundry or cleaning the bathroom, perhaps. But you must have enough ground to compromise on. And no, saying “but I don’t care if this room is dirty” won’t work. It will make women run away from you. Because your partner is not your nanny or mother. They’re your partner.


Porn usage and porn brainrot: In most discussions I have with non-SS men, this comes out as one of the biggest issues. I get it, it’s hard to not watch porn. Especially as a man. And while most women might tolerate it, there’s a very clear limit for many of them.


Pulling out a video from a porn website to do your business? That is passable for the general population of women.


Scrolling down Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok for thrist traps, following women that are photoshopped and make softcore porn, and looking up OF leaks or paying for them?


That’s a BIG red flag for most women. If your brain is incapable of separating sexuality from day-to-day life, you’re experiencing some serious addiction issues. The women present on these platforms don’t even look like themselves in real life, 90% of the time. You’re not only training your brain to continuously sexualize women, but you’re also building unrealistic expectations for yourself. Because, tough pill to swallow: most men wouldn’t be ok with their women constantly scrolling down on pictures of 10/10 men with 10 inch dicks.

(I'm well aware that there are also women who show this tendency with celebrities or fictional characters, but mature women do grow out of it.)


You have eyes. Finding other people attractive is perfectly normal, even in a relationship. But you’re not an animal. You should have some self-control. If you can, you should be able to focus that sexual energy on your partner, not on random women that are making thirst traps.


It’s also about respect. For a woman, seeing their partner do this can create huge insecurities - especially if those “models” are the opposite of what she looks like. I hear the excuse of “but you can’t control what a man should think of or look at” quite often. Perhaps not, but boundaries exist. You wouldn’t be ok with your girifriend fantasizing about your best friend, right? The same logic would apply here - that you can’t control what your partner thinks about or looks at. If you’ve taken the responsibility of being in a monogamous relationship, you should try to do your best to respect that. Beautiful and incredibly attractive people exist and that won’t change, but there’s something called self-control.


Maintaining a good body: Working out is what’s usually recommended. It’s for a good reason. And not because you need to look like a buff beast, but mainly because it will make you healthier. Someone leading a healthy lifestyle is attractive, on both genders. And you do have an advantage. Most men have great asses or can build great asses. Work on that. I have yet to find a woman in my social groups that doesn’t like a nice ass on a man. Don’t be the guy that has a beer belly in his 30s. Dad bods can happen and quite a few women find them attractive, but they’re not an excuse to let go of yourself.


Sex: A lot of men can be intimidated by a woman’s body. It’s normal. Even women find it intimidating sometimes. This is something that applies to both gender: learn about that body. Don’t be the guy that thinks women can hold their period in or who whines that women exaggerate how painful cramps are. Or, even worse, that the urethra exists inside the vagina. You don’t have to be perfect at sex. And your size does NOT matter nearly as much as you think. The average vaginal depth is around 3.6 inches or 9.1 cm and yes, it does stretch during sex, but it’s not a black hole. Your expectations when it comes to sex should not be based on porn videos, where they either use petite women or angles to make a man appear bigger most of the time. A lot of women will always prefer a smaller size over a bigger one. Why? Because getting rammed into the cervix is a highly unpleasant experience for the majority of us.


You have hands. And a mouth. And there are plenty of sex toys out there to improve your sex life. No, I’m not talking about Bad Dragon. Plenty of smaller toys focused on clitoral stimulation or clitoral/G-spot stimulation. They can work wonders and significantly improve your sex life. So don’t find them intimidating and don’t take offense at incorporating them into your life.


In the end, I’d recommend to focus on yourself first. It’s hard and there are so many things these days that target insecurities, but there are ways to get over them or ameliorate anything that’s bothering you. You don’t have to lose your virginity or get a girlfriend at 18, or 19, or even at 20. It’s better to be patient than get involved in bad situations with toxic or spiritually degenerated people, who will cause more bad than good to your soul and body. Chances are, you’re just an average guy. And that’s perfectly fine, in the time and age we live in. Most people are average. They start average. But that doesn’t mean you can’t build or improve on yourself. There’s not one recipe for getting a partner or becoming a highly attractive man, honestly. Just keep on improving yourself, advance spiritually, keep in mind basic things that can shape attraction, and try to meet any standards that you might want in a partner. Example: if you want a fit partner, then you should put in the effort to meet said standard yourself.


I hope I have not offended any man with this post - it's just some advice from a woman that's also definitely not perfect. I'm just trying to help some guys with things that most decent women usually focus on when trying to find a partner and, hopefully, also encourage some of you to take better care of yourselves.

Good post sister

 

[Soul Wings]

Like the others have said, great post Pretty much summed up my experience when with dealing with men. Minus their unhealed parental trauma, though HPS Lydia has made a thread about this one recently.

Just a couple of other points I'd like to chime in with, as I think this post will gain traction and will also be looked at in future:
Men are also afraid they are going to be arrested for approaching a woman, so they are being more careful these days for this fact too. Most women are chill about it as long as you are respectful. For approaching women, I'd recommend checking out 'Denmo' on Youtube. Some of his ideas are a little bit traditional for me personally, but I agree with a lot of his general advice.

Hygiene is so important. Any stench (unless appropriate for the context ie. Gym, work) immediately turns me off. Especially the stench of alcohol.
The smell of a freshly washed shirt and a bit of cologne? Hell yeah.

For Men's fashion, you don't actually have to buy everything new. You can go to the thrift store and try things, and you don't have to spend a million bucks. If you are looking for style tips, my personal favourite advice I've seen so far in regards to men's fashion is from "Frugal Aesthetic" on youtube. He's light hearted and modern, and his advice can be applied across the board. His style is more complex streetwear/alt, but you can take his general advice. Celebrities pay lots of money for stylists, so you can find a celebrity you like or has a similar body type and see what they wear. Pinterest can be used for creating fashion mood boards or inspiration.

For colognes you can go into stores and ask for samples. Ironic, but I actually like "Le male" by Jean paul gautier on myself as a masculine scent, lol. Weird point, but I find if I smell deodourant (eg. Axe, Lynx) that reminds me of high school boys, I'm immediately turned off, lol. Maybe get something fresher, less strong smelling for deodourant.

If men want to be in my life they will need to enhance it. I really value peace, I'd rather be single if you're just gonna be a burden. "Idk how to do it" doesn't cut it these days as you can just do a simple google search and practice. As long as you are trying, that's all that matters.

 

[Ĥl·lĥæ]

It used to work like this: men love women, but they don't need them

Women don't love men, but they need them.

However, there are many women who don't want to work.
So they go into prostitution, which is nothing less than the pure and honest expression of the relationship between men and women.

Nowadays, women don't love or need men
When there is poverty, they mix with them

I think that's it

 

[ᥫ᭡. Echos ৻ꪆ]

It used to work like this: men love women, but they don't need them

Women don't love men, but they need them.

However, there are many women who don't want to work.
So they go into prostitution, which is nothing less than the pure and honest expression of the relationship between men and women.

Nowadays, women don't love or need men
When there is poverty, they mix with them

I think that's it

I think that's an incredibly negative way to see things. Women do love men, just like men love women. Love is one of the strongest human emotions. I still love men, even if I suffered at the hands of several throughout my childhood and teenagerhood.

It's not that women don't love or need men — it's that many men continue to abide my outdated standards when it comes to finding a partner. Because yes, surprisingly, these days women want a long-term partner that doesn't have porn brainrot, who can honestly love them, and who sees them as an actual person and not a bang maid. I have yet to find that type of man in my life, unfortunately.

Are there many toxic women who don't truly care about men and only seek something superficial and based on materialism? Yes. Just like there are many terrible men who still view women with the mentality of owning them and treating them like an object.

And I disagree to the view that men don't need women. It's been made quite clear that men live longer, more fulfilling lives when they're married to a woman.

Both genders need each other.

 

[ᥫ᭡. Echos ৻ꪆ]

Like the others have said, great post Pretty much summed up my experience when with dealing with men. Minus their unhealed parental trauma, though HPS Lydia has made a thread about this one recently.

Just a couple of other points I'd like to chime in with, as I think this post will gain traction and will also be looked at in future:
Men are also afraid they are going to be arrested for approaching a woman, so they are being more careful these days for this fact too. Most women are chill about it as long as you are respectful. For approaching women, I'd recommend checking out 'Denmo' on Youtube. Some of his ideas are a little bit traditional for me personally, but I agree with a lot of his general advice.

Hygiene is so important. Any stench (unless appropriate for the context ie. Gym, work) immediately turns me off. Especially the stench of alcohol.
The smell of a freshly washed shirt and a bit of cologne? Hell yeah.

For Men's fashion, you don't actually have to buy everything new. You can go to the thrift store and try things, and you don't have to spend a million bucks. If you are looking for style tips, my personal favourite advice I've seen so far in regards to men's fashion is from "Frugal Aesthetic" on youtube. He's light hearted and modern, and his advice can be applied across the board. His style is more complex streetwear/alt, but you can take his general advice. Celebrities pay lots of money for stylists, so you can find a celebrity you like or has a similar body type and see what they wear. Pinterest can be used for creating fashion mood boards or inspiration.

For colognes you can go into stores and ask for samples. Ironic, but I actually like "Le male" by Jean paul gautier on myself as a masculine scent, lol. Weird point, but I find if I smell deodourant (eg. Axe, Lynx) that reminds me of high school boys, I'm immediately turned off, lol. Maybe get something fresher, less strong smelling for deodourant.

If men want to be in my life they will need to enhance it. I really value peace, I'd rather be single if you're just gonna be a burden. "Idk how to do it" doesn't cut it these days as you can just do a simple google search and practice. As long as you are trying, that's all that matters.

Honestly, I have seen a lot of masculine perfumes that smell excellent on women. And yeah, I think most of what's been said here makes sense and someone would look at it as something that doesn't have to be explicitly said — but if you're a young man with no good real-life examples on what will make you more agreeable, it can be really difficult to figure things out.

It's better to learn about these things from women than go through it the "hard way" by getting into a relationship and losing someone you cared about because you couldn't meet their basic standards for long-term romantic bonds.

What I would like to add is being thoughtful with gits.

Note: they don't have to be expensive. Just thoughtful. Because I have seen SO MANY men around me and in my life that just… don't care about gifts or put any effort into it. As in, the woman will make a thoughtful gesture for a gift and then the man gives… a gift card. Or less. A flower.

Or even worse — they say that there's no gift, and they'll make up for it in the future.

Obviously, you can decide how cheap or expensive a gift can be. But it's really important to learn how to give good gifts to the people you care about, unless you decide with your partner that no gifts are needed.

As a piece of advice, don't buy jewelry unless you're 100% your girlfriend is into it. Don't buy makeup and perfume. Don't buy clothing unless you know that they want something specific and their size.

A good way to approach this is making a wishlist on both sides (perhaps with a specific price range) and choosing from there items that your partner would like. For many, even putting effort into a good dinner or a good date is also enough.

Does it matter? Yes, it does. I've made thoughtful gifts to men in my life in the past, and I can say that it stings at least a bit to see that the effort was not reciprocated in any way.

Don't be that type of person (regardless of gender). Being in a relationship with someone means effort on both sides, and such a bond is at its best with both parties genuinely take the necessary steps to make the other feel love and appreciated.

 

[AFODO]

I mostly agree.

What causes this division between genders?

This also have to do with porn and the electronic world.

Hygiene, self-care, clothing style:

Cologne or perfume:

One have to be careful with skin cosmetic products and with anything that you put on your skin.
Most of them have a ton of chemicals that causes skin diseases, cancer, and overall unhealthy for your whole body as your skin sucks these into your body.
Especially in case of Woman but applies to everyone.
Perfumes damage the nervous system.
There are bio ways of dealing with hygiene and skin care, and scent, sadly I don't know enough about these but I'll necessary have to look up these in the future.
Also with skin care, this is not needed with a healthy diet and lifestyle. And some skin problems cannot be solved by simply putting on some chemicals, one needs to inquire a TMC doctor if they have any problem with their skin.

 

[ᥫ᭡. Echos ৻ꪆ]

I mostly agree.



This also have to do with porn and the electronic world.




One have to be careful with skin cosmetic products and with anything that you put on your skin.
Most of them have a ton of chemicals that causes skin diseases, cancer, and overall unhealthy for your whole body as your skin sucks these into your body.
Especially in case of Woman but applies to everyone.
Perfumes damage the nervous system.
There are bio ways of dealing with hygiene and skin care, and scent, sadly I don't know enough about these but I'll necessary have to look up these in the future.
Also with skin care, this is not needed with a healthy diet and lifestyle. And some skin problems cannot be solved by simply putting on some chemicals, one needs to inquire a TMC doctor if they have any problem with their skin.

That is true, but having a simple routine does help. It depends a lot on choosing a routine that works for you and being careful with the products you use.

Unfortunately, for some people skincare is necessary - including me. I have oily skin that must be cleansed properly and hydrated again. And sun can highly damage the skin too, depending on where you live. I have seen it firsthand with my own mother and grandmother, since I live in Romania and we get up to almost 40 degrees during summer.

If one wants to, there are plenty of more natural remedies or products to use. I know I've heard of some natural soaps for face and body based on goat milk, for example. One can also learn how to make their own products if they wish for something 100% natural. There is also Aloe Vera gel which can be used to hydrate the skin in a healthy manner.

I'm not saying that it's a necessity for everyone, but I am well aware that there are plenty of men that also struggle with some skin problems. Most of them can be solved through nutrition and diet, but how you treat your skin and whether you keep it properly clean and hydrated also matters quite a lot.

On the issue of perfume: again, I'm probably biased since I do enjoy them. One does not need to wear them daily, but a man that smells good does have an advantage over one that has a neutral scent. I would say they can help during an official event or during a date - and a good perfume only needs one or two pumps to last for a while and be noticeable.

In the end, it does depend on preference. But the world is biased towards those that do smell in a certain way.

 

[Soul Wings]

What I would like to add is being thoughtful with gits.

Note: they don't have to be expensive. Just thoughtful. Because I have seen SO MANY men around me and in my life that just… don't care about gifts or put any effort into it. As in, the woman will make a thoughtful gesture for a gift and then the man gives… a gift card. Or less. A flower.

Or even worse — they say that there's no gift, and they'll make up for it in the future.

Obviously, you can decide how cheap or expensive a gift can be. But it's really important to learn how to give good gifts to the people you care about, unless you decide with your partner that no gifts are needed.

As a piece of advice, don't buy jewelry unless you're 100% your girlfriend is into it. Don't buy makeup and perfume. Don't buy clothing unless you know that they want something specific and their size.

A good way to approach this is making a wishlist on both sides (perhaps with a specific price range) and choosing from there items that your partner would like. For many, even putting effort into a good dinner or a good date is also enough.

Does it matter? Yes, it does. I've made thoughtful gifts to men in my life in the past, and I can say that it stings at least a bit to see that the effort was not reciprocated in any way.

Don't be that type of person (regardless of gender). Being in a relationship with someone means effort on both sides, and such a bond is at its best with both parties genuinely take the necessary steps to make the other feel love and appreciated.

Oh my goodness, when my ex would bring me a gift and say he thought of me while he was out so he bought it? Wow, it was so amazing and I felt so loved. Sometimes I would cry because it would make me emotional, lol.
I loved to spoil him in return as a result. I loved seeing his eyes light up and knowing I gave him something to look forward to.
Yeah, gift giving shows you are generous (key word!) and thoughtful. It means a lot to us knowing surprising us with a gift and seeing the smile on our face means the world to you.

 

[Lightningsnake]

Thank you. Substantive writing.

The main problem is that we still live in a world dominated by jews.
They favour those who meet their objectives. They are highlighted in the longer or shorter term.

Matchmaking in this day and age is crazy. This is perhaps the most difficult thing.

 

[SomewhatCoherent]

There is a lot of pick up artist advice out there. The real question is what do high quality women and men look for vs low quality. There is also how women view themselves and their wants/needs vs how their man sees them and makes them happy. Vise versa. If this topic can stay a live for awhile it would be nice to see it go back forth for both men and women. The hardest part of everything is trying to find people with the same values who are striving to be better. If anyone gets that chance it would a shame to waste it.

I think the biggest fear for men and even women is the amount of cheating. Or meeting someone falling in love and then couple years later someone changes their mind. It goes both ways. I know men that have completely ruined women after marriage and women that have absolutely ruined men. The risk these day is very high and the incentives for good marriages are low. The only people winning are degenerates with the way society has been subverted. I know there a lot of people on these forums (myself included) who would like to find that high quality special someone. Quality people aren't born they are made.

 

[ᥫ᭡. Echos ৻ꪆ]

There is a lot of pick up artist advice out there. The real question is what do high quality women and men look for vs low quality. There is also how women view themselves and their wants/needs vs how their man sees them and makes them happy. Vise versa. If this topic can stay a live for awhile it would be nice to see it go back forth for both men and women. The hardest part of everything is trying to find people with the same values who are striving to be better. If anyone gets that chance it would a shame to waste it.

I think the biggest fear for men and even women is the amount of cheating. Or meeting someone falling in love and then couple years later someone changes their mind. It goes both ways. I know men that have completely ruined women after marriage and women that have absolutely ruined men. The risk these day is very high and the incentives for good marriages are low. The only people winning are degenerates with the way society has been subverted. I know there a lot of people on these forums (myself included) who would like to find that high quality special someone. Quality people aren't born they are made.

Oh, definitely. It's one of the reasons why I avoid going for men my age or younger. I see a severe lack of commitment and too many stories on both sides about someone asking for an open marriage or threesomes because they didn't "have time to experiment with others". On another note, I also avoid men that are much older. Someone 10+ years older than me, in today's age, would want to date me for a reason: and said reason is certainly not my personality or the fact that he actually likes me.

Unfortunately, it's only going to get worse for a while. I've heard that open relationships are "trendy" these days in the West, and there are many people trying to villainize the concept of monogamous relationships.

I'm not expecting perfection. I'm far from perfect myself. I just want someone that looks like me (pale skin, dark hair, dark eyes), is relatively fit, can commit, and is a thoughtful and good partner.

But there is no way in Hell I'm going to bring myself to try my luck on dating apps. They do people so much injustice. Women tend to follow the same pattern you see on Instagram and TikTok — filters and touched-up pictures. It puts men at a significant disadvantage when they end up looking mediocre in comparison, unless they do the same thing or are extremely privileged.

And it's just a bad idea in general. You're reducing a person to a picture (many people are just not photogenic or don't care about looking good in media) and a few sentences about their personality or goals in life. You can't truly see how well you click with a person, whether they're well-groomed and charismatic, whether you really have things in common unless you meet in real life.

That's one of the reasons why I advise against long-distance relationship, unless they're close enough to meet relatively early into said relationship. It's all fun and games until you actually do meet and realize there is no physical compatibility, and you're just… not into each other. There's also the fact that someone would need to relocate, and it would take much longer to get started on the relationship itself and advance in life that way.

The best approach still remains in doing a love working to attract an adequate partner. Unless you're Hell-bent on getting a demonic lover, but for that one must be quite advanced and well aware of what such a responsibility entails.

 

[ᥫ᭡. Echos ৻ꪆ]

Oh my goodness, when my ex would bring me a gift and say he thought of me while he was out so he bought it? Wow, it was so amazing and I felt so loved. Sometimes I would cry because it would make me emotional, lol.
I loved to spoil him in return as a result. I loved seeing his eyes light up and knowing I gave him something to look forward to.
Yeah, gift giving shows you are generous (key word!) and thoughtful. It means a lot to us knowing surprising us with a gift and seeing the smile on our face means the world to you.

Exactly! A lot of the smaller gestures matter a lot — whether it's washing some dishes, bringing your partner's favorite snacks or flowers to surprise them, or just paying attention to what they'd like to receive as a gift.

It's something everyone that's decent and has common sense would expect. It should be the minimum standard in a relationship. But people have grown so superficial in the past decades that there's a continuous "me, me, me" focus on both gender sides instead of actively trying to help, nurture, and care for your partner.