About my father

[Blackdragon666]

I grew up with an absent father. Basically he was absent from my first birthday. My mom actually left him because he was too abusive and he never bothered to reach out to me. Consequently, I had a rough upbringing and missed out on a lot of things as a child, and I also had a weak mother which added to the problems.

I never bothered much with my father and anytime I asked my mom she would shoot the topic down. This month is pretty much the first time I have ever really thought deep and mulled over my father, the first time I have actually felt something strong with regard to him. Recently I've been cleaning some issues from my soul and one of the things coming out is how I truly feel about my father. I feel this deep resentment for him.

He passed on some years ago and so I will never have the luxury of talking to him, finding out if he felt some regret or changed, getting closure in general. I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way. Even though that doesn't explain why he never reached out or tried helping in any way.

I now feel some strong hatred for him. He was quite wealthy and I suppose this will follow him into his next lifetime. I feel like he doesn't deserve a good lifetime after what he put me through. It bothers me that he may get a beautiful childhood and loving family yet he neglected a son one lifetime ago. Where is the justice in that? I believe he is already reincarnated by now. At times I get the urge to send curses at his soul wherever he is. But then I ask myself, did he really owe me anything? Why do I feel so entitled to his absent care, support and love? Perhaps I should just accept that it happened and there's nothing much I can do.

If I had kids I would give absolutely anything for them and bring them up the best way possible. So I don't understand why my father never bothered with me. I try hard to understand men who dump their kids and I just don't see why. Maybe it's a serious psychological issue that can cause one to lack sympathy for their offspring. Even animals provide for their offspring. I'm in a dilemma which will hopefully end the more I clean my soul.

 

[SouthernWhiteGentile]

Thank you blackdragon for the heartfelt REAL TALK. I will share with you my own experience with my “father” and see if I can help you with this.

The other week, “dad” tried to kill me. He shot three times into the living room ceiling and then pointed the gun right in my face. He had the biggest grin on his face I have ever seen. He called me a faggot bitch many times and talked about how we wanted to beat me to death. Thankfully my grandmother saved me and after he went to sleep she took me away from there.

I believe he has undiagnosed schizophrenia. He thinks whenever he walks into the store that everyone is talking about him. Extremely paranoid. He also smokes an absurd amount of marijuana and drinks a 12 pack almost every day. Refuses to seek any help or see a doctor. My grandmother is afraid to kick him out. It is an injustice that still today he is walking free today.
The day after he texted me some BS apology and I basically told him to fuck off and never speak to me again.

Almost every night when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep I relive this experience. I imagine myself violently murdering him and I absolutely would if I could get away with it. I believe it is the only way I can be set free. My mother thinks I need to talk to a therapist about this but honestly I trust you and most people here more.

My point is don’t be so upset that you don’t know your father, he is probably a bad person which is why he didn’t bother with you in the first place. I wish I didn’t know mine.

All we can do as men is like you said, just be the best fathers and role models that we can possibly be. The only reason I am weary of having children is because I don’t want to turn into him, I already see it in my mannerisms, the way I talk, some of my behaviors and tics. It is my ultimate fear. I think my paternal bloodline is cursed.

 

[Henu the Great]

I can relate to absent father / shitty father figure. It sucks, but we can raise above the low level thinking.

Which leads me to think maybe it's about our personal karma also? Not just theirs.

 

[SouthernWhiteGentile]

I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way.

Also about this, he 100% did this for himself. These people are sociopaths. His thought process was probably,

“I never cared for this boy or gave him anything, but he still came and saw me on my deathbed”.

Do you know what this does for the ego of a narcissist? He would have been very happy if you went and visited, not because he actually cared or wanted to see you, but because he got one over on you.

I could be wrong and maybe he did change and wanted to make things right but doesn’t everyone want to do that when they are dying? Neither of us knew the man so who knows for sure. My mind is probably so fucked that I think everyone is like this.

 

[victory666]

Hi BlackDragon666,
This is just a thought, but is there anyone that you can talk to that knew your father before he passed on ? Was he remarried and wife still alive that you could get information from about how he felt for you or if he had a change of heart but couldn't face you until his deathbed? Does he have other living relatives, or even other children that could help you understand the situation better?
Hang in there. You have a whole community here that is willing to help and give advice.
You've already started a worthy process by cleaning your soul of this issue. Yes, hatred will come out, but hanging onto it will probably effect your mind, soul, and ability to move forward.
Looking forward to hearing others chime in to help.
Hail Father Satan

 

[Paladin of Khepu]

I grew up with an absent father. Basically he was absent from my first birthday. My mom actually left him because he was too abusive and he never bothered to reach out to me. Consequently, I had a rough upbringing and missed out on a lot of things as a child, and I also had a weak mother which added to the problems.

I never bothered much with my father and anytime I asked my mom she would shoot the topic down. This month is pretty much the first time I have ever really thought deep and mulled over my father, the first time I have actually felt something strong with regard to him. Recently I've been cleaning some issues from my soul and one of the things coming out is how I truly feel about my father. I feel this deep resentment for him.

He passed on some years ago and so I will never have the luxury of talking to him, finding out if he felt some regret or changed, getting closure in general. I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way. Even though that doesn't explain why he never reached out or tried helping in any way.

I now feel some strong hatred for him. He was quite wealthy and I suppose this will follow him into his next lifetime. I feel like he doesn't deserve a good lifetime after what he put me through. It bothers me that he may get a beautiful childhood and loving family yet he neglected a son one lifetime ago. Where is the justice in that? I believe he is already reincarnated by now. At times I get the urge to send curses at his soul wherever he is. But then I ask myself, did he really owe me anything? Why do I feel so entitled to his absent care, support and love? Perhaps I should just accept that it happened and there's nothing much I can do.

If I had kids I would give absolutely anything for them and bring them up the best way possible. So I don't understand why my father never bothered with me. I try hard to understand men who dump their kids and I just don't see why. Maybe it's a serious psychological issue that can cause one to lack sympathy for their offspring. Even animals provide for their offspring. I'm in a dilemma which will hopefully end the more I clean my soul.

I can deeply understand that feeling. Same with my own. He's still alive but he's in jail. And plus add Six more kids. Five other girls and another son from different women. He wanted to get us together one day and honestly I have inner hatred because he talks to them alot and then calls me once in a while and pretends to say that he called when I have evidence by saving the prison number so I knew when he did. He has favorites, and I'm usually sitting there wanting some attention, outwardly just trying to be intelligent, uplift my race and bring some kind of honor in a way to my family line. Inwardly I cry, but hey guys gotta be tough. You know the whole new age masculinity.

So I decided I wouldn't go because I'll be too pissed off. Best to just not even be in contact. I have nothing to say to him. My other siblings? Well I'll let them be ignorant a little longer, then when they get a real good kicking, I'll enlighten them. Whether they listen well that's not on me.


Thank you for sharing as well brother. I've been rather angry and I know that coupled with the Jews, it's my feelings of being neglected that cause it.

 

[Truth4ever]

I understand about having a neglectful father. Mine was a total asshole and nuts to boot. My mom learned the hard way why she needed to stay away from him. I have no clue if he is alive or not. If he is dead then I know a few from his family that passed on that are kicking his ass because of the shit he had done. About the only good thing I got from him was part of my 'power'. Thanks to his grandma I was introduced to the spirit world at age 7 and have had a connection with her ever since. His grandma predictied my birth before she died and was strong spritually.

I still hold a lot of anger inside thanks to him. I'm not sure how to release it in a healthy way. It likes to try and come out in violent ways. How are you cleaning your soul of these issues?


Hail Father Satan

 

[Dahaarkan]

He did owe you care and support, this is a man's role in his family. It's especially aggravating if he was financially capable but chose not to provide for his family. Subhuman trash. I can somewhat relate my father has always been a useless, distant pothead. It's important not to dwell on this for too long and move on though. Just keep moving forward and be a better man.

A man creates stability and security for his family first, for his nation second. Men who don't work towards this are in my opinion stunted and useless.

 

[Blackdragon666]

Thank you blackdragon for the heartfelt REAL TALK. I will share with you my own experience with my “father” and see if I can help you with this.

The other week, “dad” tried to kill me. He shot three times into the living room ceiling and then pointed the gun right in my face. He had the biggest grin on his face I have ever seen. He called me a faggot bitch many times and talked about how we wanted to beat me to death. Thankfully my grandmother saved me and after he went to sleep she took me away from there.

I believe he has undiagnosed schizophrenia. He thinks whenever he walks into the store that everyone is talking about him. Extremely paranoid. He also smokes an absurd amount of marijuana and drinks a 12 pack almost every day. Refuses to seek any help or see a doctor. My grandmother is afraid to kick him out. It is an injustice that still today he is walking free today.
The day after he texted me some BS apology and I basically told him to fuck off and never speak to me again.

Almost every night when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep I relive this experience. I imagine myself violently murdering him and I absolutely would if I could get away with it. I believe it is the only way I can be set free. My mother thinks I need to talk to a therapist about this but honestly I trust you and most people here more.

My point is don’t be so upset that you don’t know your father, he is probably a bad person which is why he didn’t bother with you in the first place. I wish I didn’t know mine.

All we can do as men is like you said, just be the best fathers and role models that we can possibly be. The only reason I am weary of having children is because I don’t want to turn into him, I already see it in my mannerisms, the way I talk, some of my behaviors and tics. It is my ultimate fear. I think my paternal bloodline is cursed.

I'm very sorry about your father. Total idiot, especially with the drugs you are better off away from him. At the very least he should be in a mental institution or a rehab center for drug addicts.

My father was alcoholic too and would sometimes beat up my mom until she faked fainting. I understand why she ran away. I probably would have endured years of physical abuse at his hands.

I know you will be a great dad! Don't let that guy's wrong choices in life rub off on you. I can see your passion for your people in all your posts and you certainly would never give a damaged or neglected young man or woman to your society.

At this point you don't have a great need for a father figure so you will be well without him. If he could be taken to a rehab and get any other needed help, he may become a bit more ok and maybe you guys will have better relations some decades from now. But I strongly suggest for now the right authorities be contacted because it's uncertain who he may hurt during one of his episodes. I am even concerned about your grandmother. It would be better if he got the necessary help than spent some years in jail.

And your paternal bloodline is definitely not cursed. Patterns can repeat in families for some reason (like poverty, crime, drugs etc) but we as SS should not be prone to this. I would have said a prayer to Yahweh or something before I became a deadbeat dad in my life.

I can relate to absent father / shitty father figure. It sucks, but we can raise above the low level thinking.

Which leads me to think maybe it's about our personal karma also? Not just theirs.

Quite true. It does show up in my birth chart (Neptune in the 4th for example, I don't want to reveal much). Collective degeneracy perhaps.

I've seen the same with another person. Their parent has Capricorn on their 5th house. They personally have Virgo on their 4th house and the ruler of this house in conjunction with Neptune which shows an abusive mother. The mother is one of the chief abusers in their life, especially emotionally.

I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way.

Also about this, he 100% did this for himself. These people are sociopaths. His thought process was probably,

“I never cared for this boy or gave him anything, but he still came and saw me on my deathbed”.

Do you know what this does for the ego of a narcissist? He would have been very happy if you went and visited, not because he actually cared or wanted to see you, but because he got one over on you.

I could be wrong and maybe he did change and wanted to make things right but doesn’t everyone want to do that when they are dying? Neither of us knew the man so who knows for sure. My mind is probably so fucked that I think everyone is like this.

You make a fair point. This man had so many years to reach out but apparently the last moments were when he wanted to see me. Even if he did change, you don't just erase certain things on a whim. I am just glad his absence didn't affect the person I became negatively.

Hi BlackDragon666,
This is just a thought, but is there anyone that you can talk to that knew your father before he passed on ? Was he remarried and wife still alive that you could get information from about how he felt for you or if he had a change of heart but couldn't face you until his deathbed? Does he have other living relatives, or even other children that could help you understand the situation better?
Hang in there. You have a whole community here that is willing to help and give advice.
You've already started a worthy process by cleaning your soul of this issue. Yes, hatred will come out, but hanging onto it will probably effect your mind, soul, and ability to move forward.
Looking forward to hearing others chime in to help.
Hail Father Satan

I have one aunt who was close to him. Her daughter and I chat frequently and recently she told me the guy had three more kids with other women. Apparently he neglected two of those as well, which just makes me hate him more. I am considering talking to this aunt about the matter in depth, might pay her a visit.

It's honestly astounding how much pain the soul can burry. I never focused much on my childhood issues and I just pushed them to the back of my mind and enjoyed the little good things I could. Now I'm doing this working and out of nowhere I'm feeling so much pain and anger at someone I always thought I didn't care much about. But I'm doing better now, way better than two days ago where I was considering visiting his graveyard. Many people out here talk about healing but they really just forget, and we know the soul never forgets.

Indeed, I have actually only shared the issue on here and with two SS friends. Thanks a bunch and Hail Satan!

I can deeply understand that feeling. Same with my own. He's still alive but he's in jail. And plus add Six more kids. Five other girls and another son from different women. He wanted to get us together one day and honestly I have inner hatred because he talks to them alot and then calls me once in a while and pretends to say that he called when I have evidence by saving the prison number so I knew when he did. He has favorites, and I'm usually sitting there wanting some attention, outwardly just trying to be intelligent, uplift my race and bring some kind of honor in a way to my family line. Inwardly I cry, but hey guys gotta be tough. You know the whole new age masculinity.

So I decided I wouldn't go because I'll be too pissed off. Best to just not even be in contact. I have nothing to say to him. My other siblings? Well I'll let them be ignorant a little longer, then when they get a real good kicking, I'll enlighten them. Whether they listen well that's not on me.


Thank you for sharing as well brother. I've been rather angry and I know that coupled with the Jews, it's my feelings of being neglected that cause it.

I can relate about the favorite parts. On my side only one child got his attention but the rest of us were left to fate and other people, though I'm yet to get the full details.

Being an SS at this point in time when we're witnessing the jew world order unfold in America and the rest of the world is a very big honor.

A man has indeed got to be tough but we do feel too. Something about dad issues hits very deep, even for men. I hope you feel better brother. I can suggest you make plans someday for a 40 day working to heal this particular wound. Or maybe just regular cleaning or your serpent cleaning you may bring it up for you to deal with it and be free. I am way better than I was when I made the original post.

If it makes you feel better, he's not the only father you ever had (in terms of lifetimes). You can definitely do without his attention and love. If you want to talk to me I can give you one of my private emails.

I understand about having a neglectful father. Mine was a total asshole and nuts to boot. My mom learned the hard way why she needed to stay away from him. I have no clue if he is alive or not. If he is dead then I know a few from his family that passed on that are kicking his ass because of the shit he had done. About the only good thing I got from him was part of my 'power'. Thanks to his grandma I was introduced to the spirit world at age 7 and have had a connection with her ever since. His grandma predictied my birth before she died and was strong spritually.

I still hold a lot of anger inside thanks to him. I'm not sure how to release it in a healthy way. It likes to try and come out in violent ways. How are you cleaning your soul of these issues?


Hail Father Satan

I understand you. You can add Lydia's base chakra yoga asanas to your meditation routine. Though I would really suggest a full working in the most convenient time for you (waning moon in Scorpio or Pisces) in addition to that.

As SWG mentioned, if you think about it you would have been more damaged if you had him in your life because of his abusive nature.

I am almost 20 days into this working, using Uruz and the Ganesha mudra during affirmations (I loosen the grip slowly until the 9th rep). The things coming out have been so intense, I have considered dropping the working several times but I will not.

He did owe you care and support, this is a man's role in his family. It's especially aggravating if he was financially capable but chose not to provide for his family. Subhuman trash. I can somewhat relate my father has always been a useless, distant pothead. It's important not to dwell on this for too long and move on though. Just keep moving forward and be a better man.

A man creates stability and security for his family first, for his nation second. Men who don't work towards this are in my opinion stunted and useless.

Very true. The bastard had kids with more than one woman, was wealthy but ignored them. I am doing better now, had to endure unending hours of intense negative emotions. Thanks

 

[Jack]

It's a very sad situation. But you need to accept reality and move on. Do some deep cleansing rituals from Munka/Ansuz to free you from the emotional pain or confused emotions.

Other than that you need to become hardened and be principled and have honor. You must be like steel, unmoved by any wind that touches it. No amount of suffering ,pain or hardship should phase you.
https://archive.org/details/IdeologySSVolume1

https://archive.org/details/IdeologySSVolume2

https://archive.org/details/IdeologySSVolume3

https://archive.org/details/IdeologySSVolume4

Your the man of the house and you'll need to take care of your mother and your children and wife when you marry. A man always works and works and works selflessly for his family to complete his duty. He must selflessly work to better the people around him when necessary. To help the weak who are in search for hope. He must dedicate the proper cause of his time to complete his national and racial duty - in our age that is fighting the jews. And a mans ultimate purpose regardless of all the material things he does, is the meditation practice he does to raise his consciousness.

When they bond and work together men have the ability to change history's course.

Remember you have a responsibility as a man. You must not fail those depending upon you.

 

[Sunny]

Thank you blackdragon for the heartfelt REAL TALK. I will share with you my own experience with my “father” and see if I can help you with this.

The other week, “dad” tried to kill me. He shot three times into the living room ceiling and then pointed the gun right in my face. He had the biggest grin on his face I have ever seen. He called me a faggot bitch many times and talked about how we wanted to beat me to death. Thankfully my grandmother saved me and after he went to sleep she took me away from there.

I believe he has undiagnosed schizophrenia. He thinks whenever he walks into the store that everyone is talking about him. Extremely paranoid. He also smokes an absurd amount of marijuana and drinks a 12 pack almost every day. Refuses to seek any help or see a doctor. My grandmother is afraid to kick him out. It is an injustice that still today he is walking free today.
The day after he texted me some BS apology and I basically told him to fuck off and never speak to me again.

Almost every night when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep I relive this experience. I imagine myself violently murdering him and I absolutely would if I could get away with it. I believe it is the only way I can be set free. My mother thinks I need to talk to a therapist about this but honestly I trust you and most people here more.

My point is don’t be so upset that you don’t know your father, he is probably a bad person which is why he didn’t bother with you in the first place. I wish I didn’t know mine.

All we can do as men is like you said, just be the best fathers and role models that we can possibly be. The only reason I am weary of having children is because I don’t want to turn into him, I already see it in my mannerisms, the way I talk, some of my behaviors and tics. It is my ultimate fear. I think my paternal bloodline is cursed.

It's not about meanness, you can't be mean to your offspring. The current society is very unconscious and degenerate and therefore we have some very retarded and primitive people. Add to that, family and/or social rudeness and other problems and you have incompetent and degenerate parents and society. Society is the second and biggest family of a people.

You can be sure that it is not a genetic characteristic and property. Of course, you have inherited half of your father's gene pool, but you would not behave like him and have a bad lifestyle like him even if you had inherited his complete gene pool. Because ignorance and rudeness are not in the genes and even though rudeness may be the result of parents who are not very aware and not very well educated, you can always learn more and improve.

 

[Paladin of Khepu]

Thank you blackdragon for the heartfelt REAL TALK. I will share with you my own experience with my “father” and see if I can help you with this.

The other week, “dad” tried to kill me. He shot three times into the living room ceiling and then pointed the gun right in my face. He had the biggest grin on his face I have ever seen. He called me a faggot bitch many times and talked about how we wanted to beat me to death. Thankfully my grandmother saved me and after he went to sleep she took me away from there.

I believe he has undiagnosed schizophrenia. He thinks whenever he walks into the store that everyone is talking about him. Extremely paranoid. He also smokes an absurd amount of marijuana and drinks a 12 pack almost every day. Refuses to seek any help or see a doctor. My grandmother is afraid to kick him out. It is an injustice that still today he is walking free today.
The day after he texted me some BS apology and I basically told him to fuck off and never speak to me again.

Almost every night when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep I relive this experience. I imagine myself violently murdering him and I absolutely would if I could get away with it. I believe it is the only way I can be set free. My mother thinks I need to talk to a therapist about this but honestly I trust you and most people here more.

My point is don’t be so upset that you don’t know your father, he is probably a bad person which is why he didn’t bother with you in the first place. I wish I didn’t know mine.

All we can do as men is like you said, just be the best fathers and role models that we can possibly be. The only reason I am weary of having children is because I don’t want to turn into him, I already see it in my mannerisms, the way I talk, some of my behaviors and tics. It is my ultimate fear. I think my paternal bloodline is cursed.

I'm very sorry about your father. Total idiot, especially with the drugs you are better off away from him. At the very least he should be in a mental institution or a rehab center for drug addicts.

My father was alcoholic too and would sometimes beat up my mom until she faked fainting. I understand why she ran away. I probably would have endured years of physical abuse at his hands.

I know you will be a great dad! Don't let that guy's wrong choices in life rub off on you. I can see your passion for your people in all your posts and you certainly would never give a damaged or neglected young man or woman to your society.

At this point you don't have a great need for a father figure so you will be well without him. If he could be taken to a rehab and get any other needed help, he may become a bit more ok and maybe you guys will have better relations some decades from now. But I strongly suggest for now the right authorities be contacted because it's uncertain who he may hurt during one of his episodes. I am even concerned about your grandmother. It would be better if he got the necessary help than spent some years in jail.

And your paternal bloodline is definitely not cursed. Patterns can repeat in families for some reason (like poverty, crime, drugs etc) but we as SS should not be prone to this. I would have said a prayer to Yahweh or something before I became a deadbeat dad in my life.

I can relate to absent father / shitty father figure. It sucks, but we can raise above the low level thinking.

Which leads me to think maybe it's about our personal karma also? Not just theirs.

Quite true. It does show up in my birth chart (Neptune in the 4th for example, I don't want to reveal much). Collective degeneracy perhaps.

I've seen the same with another person. Their parent has Capricorn on their 5th house. They personally have Virgo on their 4th house and the ruler of this house in conjunction with Neptune which shows an abusive mother. The mother is one of the chief abusers in their life, especially emotionally.

I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way.

Also about this, he 100% did this for himself. These people are sociopaths. His thought process was probably,

“I never cared for this boy or gave him anything, but he still came and saw me on my deathbed”.

Do you know what this does for the ego of a narcissist? He would have been very happy if you went and visited, not because he actually cared or wanted to see you, but because he got one over on you.

I could be wrong and maybe he did change and wanted to make things right but doesn’t everyone want to do that when they are dying? Neither of us knew the man so who knows for sure. My mind is probably so fucked that I think everyone is like this.

You make a fair point. This man had so many years to reach out but apparently the last moments were when he wanted to see me. Even if he did change, you don't just erase certain things on a whim. I am just glad his absence didn't affect the person I became negatively.

Hi BlackDragon666,
This is just a thought, but is there anyone that you can talk to that knew your father before he passed on ? Was he remarried and wife still alive that you could get information from about how he felt for you or if he had a change of heart but couldn't face you until his deathbed? Does he have other living relatives, or even other children that could help you understand the situation better?
Hang in there. You have a whole community here that is willing to help and give advice.
You've already started a worthy process by cleaning your soul of this issue. Yes, hatred will come out, but hanging onto it will probably effect your mind, soul, and ability to move forward.
Looking forward to hearing others chime in to help.
Hail Father Satan

I have one aunt who was close to him. Her daughter and I chat frequently and recently she told me the guy had three more kids with other women. Apparently he neglected two of those as well, which just makes me hate him more. I am considering talking to this aunt about the matter in depth, might pay her a visit.

It's honestly astounding how much pain the soul can burry. I never focused much on my childhood issues and I just pushed them to the back of my mind and enjoyed the little good things I could. Now I'm doing this working and out of nowhere I'm feeling so much pain and anger at someone I always thought I didn't care much about. But I'm doing better now, way better than two days ago where I was considering visiting his graveyard. Many people out here talk about healing but they really just forget, and we know the soul never forgets.

Indeed, I have actually only shared the issue on here and with two SS friends. Thanks a bunch and Hail Satan!

I can deeply understand that feeling. Same with my own. He's still alive but he's in jail. And plus add Six more kids. Five other girls and another son from different women. He wanted to get us together one day and honestly I have inner hatred because he talks to them alot and then calls me once in a while and pretends to say that he called when I have evidence by saving the prison number so I knew when he did. He has favorites, and I'm usually sitting there wanting some attention, outwardly just trying to be intelligent, uplift my race and bring some kind of honor in a way to my family line. Inwardly I cry, but hey guys gotta be tough. You know the whole new age masculinity.

So I decided I wouldn't go because I'll be too pissed off. Best to just not even be in contact. I have nothing to say to him. My other siblings? Well I'll let them be ignorant a little longer, then when they get a real good kicking, I'll enlighten them. Whether they listen well that's not on me.


Thank you for sharing as well brother. I've been rather angry and I know that coupled with the Jews, it's my feelings of being neglected that cause it.

I can relate about the favorite parts. On my side only one child got his attention but the rest of us were left to fate and other people, though I'm yet to get the full details.

Being an SS at this point in time when we're witnessing the jew world order unfold in America and the rest of the world is a very big honor.

A man has indeed got to be tough but we do feel too. Something about dad issues hits very deep, even for men. I hope you feel better brother. I can suggest you make plans someday for a 40 day working to heal this particular wound. Or maybe just regular cleaning or your serpent cleaning you may bring it up for you to deal with it and be free. I am way better than I was when I made the original post.

If it makes you feel better, he's not the only father you ever had (in terms of lifetimes). You can definitely do without his attention and love. If you want to talk to me I can give you one of my private emails.

I understand about having a neglectful father. Mine was a total asshole and nuts to boot. My mom learned the hard way why she needed to stay away from him. I have no clue if he is alive or not. If he is dead then I know a few from his family that passed on that are kicking his ass because of the shit he had done. About the only good thing I got from him was part of my 'power'. Thanks to his grandma I was introduced to the spirit world at age 7 and have had a connection with her ever since. His grandma predictied my birth before she died and was strong spritually.

I still hold a lot of anger inside thanks to him. I'm not sure how to release it in a healthy way. It likes to try and come out in violent ways. How are you cleaning your soul of these issues?


Hail Father Satan

I understand you. You can add Lydia's base chakra yoga asanas to your meditation routine. Though I would really suggest a full working in the most convenient time for you (waning moon in Scorpio or Pisces) in addition to that.

As SWG mentioned, if you think about it you would have been more damaged if you had him in your life because of his abusive nature.

I am almost 20 days into this working, using Uruz and the Ganesha mudra during affirmations (I loosen the grip slowly until the 9th rep). The things coming out have been so intense, I have considered dropping the working several times but I will not.

He did owe you care and support, this is a man's role in his family. It's especially aggravating if he was financially capable but chose not to provide for his family. Subhuman trash. I can somewhat relate my father has always been a useless, distant pothead. It's important not to dwell on this for too long and move on though. Just keep moving forward and be a better man.

A man creates stability and security for his family first, for his nation second. Men who don't work towards this are in my opinion stunted and useless.

Very true. The bastard had kids with more than one woman, was wealthy but ignored them. I am doing better now, had to endure unending hours of intense negative emotions. Thanks

I feel a bit better. I understand now, and as having such a strong placement in Scorpio, revealing my vulnerability was a bit hard at first. I'm not always comfortable with it.

I would definitely like to keep in touch brother. It takes the heavy weight off

 

[Tyrone1978]

Let sleeping dogs lie.

He was selfish and too lazy from cannabis to be useful to you.

Oh well you're a survivor and put it behind you now and move on.

What you fight you become so save your energy from the anger and resentment.

Burn your energy on worthy things instead of on anger and resentment. It's not like he actually did something against you for you to be vengeful now. If it's neglect of your need and suffering then just turn your back on him too. Especially since he's not with us anymore.

And in my opinion what would seeing him on his deathbed have done for you. It's a solicitor he needed to call to leave you something in his final will and testament.

Sometimes you can think that without the bad there would be no good because there would be no differentiation.

So put it down to life experience. Experience it, rise above it and move on.

I actually also have a father that's still alive that never took me out once. I only got to know him once I was grown up and had my own transport to seek him out at his house.

I found him to be a lovely chap. But also a heavy and long time cannabis user making him extremely lazy.

I now live abroad from my country of birth. I've stopped calling him now because he's very work averse.

He talks a good talk but I don't know him. I feel like a family friend that used to visit.

He tends to run out of money and I've sent him money on a couple occasions because as he says he's in dire straits. Starving with bare shelves.

But this problem recurs because he's horizontal by just smoking pot and being the worst of laziness I know of. So when he's desperate he talks about getting back on his feet and putting himself right.

Then after he gets money to survive he continues doing nothing and smoking. I cannot take any stock in such a person.

I've come to the conclusion that he never had anything to offer me and he still doesn't.

So he may think I'm horrible by not helping him financially but he makes his bed and he will have to sleep in it.

That's life and reality. Justice not equality.

Life is not all fun and roses. Sometimes you need to steel your heart and mind.

Forget about useless people. Move on and rise above it.

Each one to their own. Relationships usually are mutually beneficial. If they're not just move on. Save your energy and power by not revisiting the past. There's nothing here to draw you back to it so release it and move on.

 

[Blackdragon666]

I feel a bit better. I understand now, and as having such a strong placement in Scorpio, revealing my vulnerability was a bit hard at first. I'm not always comfortable with it.

I would definitely like to keep in touch brother. It takes the heavy weight off

You can reach me here brother.
[email protected]

 

[Blackdragon666]

Remember you have a responsibility as a man. You must not fail those depending upon you.

Not a million years. Thanks Jack.

Well said. It was one of those moments buried things come out as the soul is cleaned. I am much better now.

 

[Paladin of Khepu]

I feel a bit better. I understand now, and as having such a strong placement in Scorpio, revealing my vulnerability was a bit hard at first. I'm not always comfortable with it.

I would definitely like to keep in touch brother. It takes the heavy weight off

You can reach me here brother.
[email protected]

Saw your reply from my email I sent you. Just touching base so you aren't thinking I'm a like or infiltrator.
Thanks for the info. It was necessary.

 

[Blackdragon666]

I feel a bit better. I understand now, and as having such a strong placement in Scorpio, revealing my vulnerability was a bit hard at first. I'm not always comfortable with it.

I would definitely like to keep in touch brother. It takes the heavy weight off

You can reach me here brother.
[email protected]

Saw your reply from my email I sent you. Just touching base so you aren't thinking I'm a like or infiltrator.
Thanks for the info. It was necessary.

Alright.

 

[Shadowcat]

Thank you blackdragon for the heartfelt REAL TALK. I will share with you my own experience with my “father” and see if I can help you with this.

The other week, “dad” tried to kill me. He shot three times into the living room ceiling and then pointed the gun right in my face. He had the biggest grin on his face I have ever seen. He called me a faggot bitch many times and talked about how we wanted to beat me to death. Thankfully my grandmother saved me and after he went to sleep she took me away from there.

I believe he has undiagnosed schizophrenia. He thinks whenever he walks into the store that everyone is talking about him. Extremely paranoid. He also smokes an absurd amount of marijuana and drinks a 12 pack almost every day. Refuses to seek any help or see a doctor. My grandmother is afraid to kick him out. It is an injustice that still today he is walking free today.
The day after he texted me some BS apology and I basically told him to fuck off and never speak to me again.

Almost every night when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep I relive this experience. I imagine myself violently murdering him and I absolutely would if I could get away with it. I believe it is the only way I can be set free. My mother thinks I need to talk to a therapist about this but honestly I trust you and most people here more.

My point is don’t be so upset that you don’t know your father, he is probably a bad person which is why he didn’t bother with you in the first place. I wish I didn’t know mine.

All we can do as men is like you said, just be the best fathers and role models that we can possibly be. The only reason I am weary of having children is because I don’t want to turn into him, I already see it in my mannerisms, the way I talk, some of my behaviors and tics. It is my ultimate fear. I think my paternal bloodline is cursed.

I'm very sorry about your father. Total idiot, especially with the drugs you are better off away from him. At the very least he should be in a mental institution or a rehab center for drug addicts.

My father was alcoholic too and would sometimes beat up my mom until she faked fainting. I understand why she ran away. I probably would have endured years of physical abuse at his hands.

I know you will be a great dad! Don't let that guy's wrong choices in life rub off on you. I can see your passion for your people in all your posts and you certainly would never give a damaged or neglected young man or woman to your society.

At this point you don't have a great need for a father figure so you will be well without him. If he could be taken to a rehab and get any other needed help, he may become a bit more ok and maybe you guys will have better relations some decades from now. But I strongly suggest for now the right authorities be contacted because it's uncertain who he may hurt during one of his episodes. I am even concerned about your grandmother. It would be better if he got the necessary help than spent some years in jail.

And your paternal bloodline is definitely not cursed. Patterns can repeat in families for some reason (like poverty, crime, drugs etc) but we as SS should not be prone to this. I would have said a prayer to Yahweh or something before I became a deadbeat dad in my life.

I can relate to absent father / shitty father figure. It sucks, but we can raise above the low level thinking.

Which leads me to think maybe it's about our personal karma also? Not just theirs.

Quite true. It does show up in my birth chart (Neptune in the 4th for example, I don't want to reveal much). Collective degeneracy perhaps.

I've seen the same with another person. Their parent has Capricorn on their 5th house. They personally have Virgo on their 4th house and the ruler of this house in conjunction with Neptune which shows an abusive mother. The mother is one of the chief abusers in their life, especially emotionally.

I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way.

Also about this, he 100% did this for himself. These people are sociopaths. His thought process was probably,

“I never cared for this boy or gave him anything, but he still came and saw me on my deathbed”.

Do you know what this does for the ego of a narcissist? He would have been very happy if you went and visited, not because he actually cared or wanted to see you, but because he got one over on you.

I could be wrong and maybe he did change and wanted to make things right but doesn’t everyone want to do that when they are dying? Neither of us knew the man so who knows for sure. My mind is probably so fucked that I think everyone is like this.

You make a fair point. This man had so many years to reach out but apparently the last moments were when he wanted to see me. Even if he did change, you don't just erase certain things on a whim. I am just glad his absence didn't affect the person I became negatively.

Hi BlackDragon666,
This is just a thought, but is there anyone that you can talk to that knew your father before he passed on ? Was he remarried and wife still alive that you could get information from about how he felt for you or if he had a change of heart but couldn't face you until his deathbed? Does he have other living relatives, or even other children that could help you understand the situation better?
Hang in there. You have a whole community here that is willing to help and give advice.
You've already started a worthy process by cleaning your soul of this issue. Yes, hatred will come out, but hanging onto it will probably effect your mind, soul, and ability to move forward.
Looking forward to hearing others chime in to help.
Hail Father Satan

I have one aunt who was close to him. Her daughter and I chat frequently and recently she told me the guy had three more kids with other women. Apparently he neglected two of those as well, which just makes me hate him more. I am considering talking to this aunt about the matter in depth, might pay her a visit.

It's honestly astounding how much pain the soul can burry. I never focused much on my childhood issues and I just pushed them to the back of my mind and enjoyed the little good things I could. Now I'm doing this working and out of nowhere I'm feeling so much pain and anger at someone I always thought I didn't care much about. But I'm doing better now, way better than two days ago where I was considering visiting his graveyard. Many people out here talk about healing but they really just forget, and we know the soul never forgets.

Indeed, I have actually only shared the issue on here and with two SS friends. Thanks a bunch and Hail Satan!

I can deeply understand that feeling. Same with my own. He's still alive but he's in jail. And plus add Six more kids. Five other girls and another son from different women. He wanted to get us together one day and honestly I have inner hatred because he talks to them alot and then calls me once in a while and pretends to say that he called when I have evidence by saving the prison number so I knew when he did. He has favorites, and I'm usually sitting there wanting some attention, outwardly just trying to be intelligent, uplift my race and bring some kind of honor in a way to my family line. Inwardly I cry, but hey guys gotta be tough. You know the whole new age masculinity.

So I decided I wouldn't go because I'll be too pissed off. Best to just not even be in contact. I have nothing to say to him. My other siblings? Well I'll let them be ignorant a little longer, then when they get a real good kicking, I'll enlighten them. Whether they listen well that's not on me.


Thank you for sharing as well brother. I've been rather angry and I know that coupled with the Jews, it's my feelings of being neglected that cause it.

I can relate about the favorite parts. On my side only one child got his attention but the rest of us were left to fate and other people, though I'm yet to get the full details.

Being an SS at this point in time when we're witnessing the jew world order unfold in America and the rest of the world is a very big honor.

A man has indeed got to be tough but we do feel too. Something about dad issues hits very deep, even for men. I hope you feel better brother. I can suggest you make plans someday for a 40 day working to heal this particular wound. Or maybe just regular cleaning or your serpent cleaning you may bring it up for you to deal with it and be free. I am way better than I was when I made the original post.

If it makes you feel better, he's not the only father you ever had (in terms of lifetimes). You can definitely do without his attention and love. If you want to talk to me I can give you one of my private emails.

I understand about having a neglectful father. Mine was a total asshole and nuts to boot. My mom learned the hard way why she needed to stay away from him. I have no clue if he is alive or not. If he is dead then I know a few from his family that passed on that are kicking his ass because of the shit he had done. About the only good thing I got from him was part of my 'power'. Thanks to his grandma I was introduced to the spirit world at age 7 and have had a connection with her ever since. His grandma predictied my birth before she died and was strong spritually.

I still hold a lot of anger inside thanks to him. I'm not sure how to release it in a healthy way. It likes to try and come out in violent ways. How are you cleaning your soul of these issues?


Hail Father Satan

I understand you. You can add Lydia's base chakra yoga asanas to your meditation routine. Though I would really suggest a full working in the most convenient time for you (waning moon in Scorpio or Pisces) in addition to that.

As SWG mentioned, if you think about it you would have been more damaged if you had him in your life because of his abusive nature.

I am almost 20 days into this working, using Uruz and the Ganesha mudra during affirmations (I loosen the grip slowly until the 9th rep). The things coming out have been so intense, I have considered dropping the working several times but I will not.

He did owe you care and support, this is a man's role in his family. It's especially aggravating if he was financially capable but chose not to provide for his family. Subhuman trash. I can somewhat relate my father has always been a useless, distant pothead. It's important not to dwell on this for too long and move on though. Just keep moving forward and be a better man.

A man creates stability and security for his family first, for his nation second. Men who don't work towards this are in my opinion stunted and useless.

Very true. The bastard had kids with more than one woman, was wealthy but ignored them. I am doing better now, had to endure unending hours of intense negative emotions. Thanks

I cannot account for all of the untold repressed anger I hold from my dad. Even now out of my 20s he still thinks he can talk to me disrespectully like anyway he wants yet im not allowed to talk back and defend myself. Yesterday this occurred too when the pipes made shitloads of water leak in here. He had a freak out and went off on me for not helping fast enough or in the way he desired and started being really demeaning and screaming at me. I got fed up and cussed him out to which he screamed at me at the top of his lungs to get the fuck out and that I couldn't talk to him like that. Yet he could talk to me how he wanted when i said oh its ok if you talk to me like that right. Literally. Meanwhile I woke up very dizzy and nauseous about to faint. I thought either from blood loss or carbon monoxide poisoning. I was trying to tell him this but nope...I was being lazy. This whole ordeal yesterday reminded me of the asshole I hated as a kid and even wanted to kill at times. He used to beat my ass as a kid and my moms. Cussed at us alot and called us names. I would try to physically hold him back from going after her as my brother ran and hid. He once threatened to kill her because he thought she hit my grandma which was not the case. Sun and aries with moon in scorpio. Yay. It really fucking bothered me because I was thinking yesterday that this is the kind of shit that made me worry about having jewishness in the family. Its just not fucking normal.

Yesterday before taking a nap after that huge fight I looked at father Satans sigil and said "I'm sorry if I'm a jew..still. some times I don't know" and asked him what I should do. then I had a dream where my grandmother came to me telling me basically it was not the case followed by another dream with my dad acting the complete opposite to how he was before..friendly even. In the dream he then asked me to recite my ancestry to how it was told to me. So I woke up goin ok I get the message. Idk if this kind of shit can be family karma or what??

I used to be terrified of him as a kid. He never knew how to be there emotionally and would always express regret in his own way for behavior by either cooking or trying to act like nothing happened...which turned out to be the case today too. The only good thing he did was never leave us all and worked his ass off. To this day he's always asking if we need money or insisting we don't pay for shit if he can. The emotional aspect just isn't there and as a result I never could be close to him.

I was estranged from him for years when I was in holland untill my ex cheated on me with two guys..I was in denial for a year after that. Yet had no where to go. Very shortly after dedication life turned around quick. I got in contact with my dad and it even went well for a time and he let me come back here to stay and save up. Yesterday was just a stark reminder of how I need to gtfo and have my own place. I've got enough for a home now so I'll be working on that asap. We were gunna buy a home together..and i thought ehhh he doesnt have anyone but us and now I'm like fuck that. Moving out on my own. Not putting up with it he will never change. Yesterday wasn't the first time either with that bs since I've been back. On top of a rough childhood with him I was bullied in school alot and got in umpteen fights. My mother was the only one ever there for me. If it wasnt for her I could have become a psychopath. I had alot of homicidal and violent angry thoughts as a result of everything. I eventually was put in juvenile hall for attempted arson.

I always told myself I would never want a guy that even remotely resembled my dad. As a result I found myself attracted to softer even effeminate guys. In my 20s I thought "im suprised im not a lezbian" especially after my saturn return I realized no this is not what I want. Even the guys in that range proved to be either too weak or emotionally very selfish and immature in some way and I was always having to do the brunt of the emotional and even material work and it in many cases was never returned. They played victim alot. One almost exclusively used Me as an emotional tampon so to speak yet could care less about my own issues and never asked. Its either the complete asshole or the bitch and there's never anything in between no matter what. Which is why now I feel safer with a Demon. I realized that actually before coming back to the US.