I've felt like I've lost control
Having control of your life is not something to be taken for granted or easy to achieve. It is worth dedicating yourself to gain the spiritual abilities and strength to succeed. It's not something you're going to get in four or five months. It takes time, it's like this for everyone, the best and most worth living lives are those obtained with commitment and effort. The superficial and stupid life at the level of an ordinary degenerate might be very easy to achieve, but it is worth being something more than that. Aspire for something better.
We are easily demoralized when we see a small wall that covers our view from our goal, blocking our path. But if we manage to climb over that wall, then the landscape we are heading towards will appear truly wonderful, and the wall will be just an old memory that will have served to teach us how to climb over walls in case we find another one in front of us.
There are obstacles to great things, the highest things in our universe are at the end of an uphill road. It is not a shocking thing that while you try to achieve good things, there are difficulties and obstacles. If this suffering did not exist, then everything would be very easy and within everyone's reach. But we Satanists are spiritually advantaged, so it is useful to take advantage of Satan's gifts.
The more difficult life circumstances are, the more you will evolve. Having to overcome an obstacle forces you to improve yourself and find new ideas and solutions. Furthermore, your endurance will be proof of your heroism.
The combination of these two things will make you great. Furthermore, adverse circumstances do not last forever, it is impossible for a person at 15 to suffer from the same things as when they are 35. It is an example, but it is to make you understand that it is worth resisting and strengthening yourself.
stalked by fake profiles in my town involving my name and my family members
I don't know exactly what you mean, but in most countries in the world there are support services (that go beyond just the police and ambulances). If you feel that something is attacking your existence, there are support numbers. However, I don't quite understand what you mean.
no longer feel like studying or reading or practicing any satanist things
In life you can continue to suffer or overcome suffering. From experience I assure you 100% that there is NO middle ground or third way. Since continuing to suffer is not the natural tendency of any self-aware living being, the only thing you can do is overcome the suffering. Just the fact that you are writing on this forum looking for help means that you WANT to get out of this suffering. However, the will must be concrete and not just "made of words". The only way to overcome this is to commit to advancement.
The Gods do not abandon you. A long time ago I used the ouija every now and then. Not always or even often, but sometimes I performed a divination session according to my possibilities. Every now and then, between one session and another (a lot of time passed between one session and another) there were things that made me suffer (I hadn't yet started to commit enough and take enough care of myself like today) and I regularly thought that I had been abandoned by the Gods and searched for answers.
When I then had the opportunity to ask if the Gods had abandoned me, the answer was always a "no": it was just my paranoia. The Gods do not abandon you. They have never abandoned humanity even once. They have always been caring for humans throughout history with benevolence and kindness.
Not even once did they look at the world that literally cursed them, labeling them as monsters, thinking about whether it was better to leave us at the mercy of the Enemy or not. They have always been on our side. Even if they are not physically present, they are right here with us. Whether they walk through your room or not changes nothing and adds nothing.
don't know what to do anymore
I think you know in your heart what to do. You already understand how important the role of your constant commitment is in all this. Now you just have to actually realize this will of yours that you already have within you. What are you waiting for?
lost all willpower and even though I'm in the mood, I feel something holding me back more and more
You already have the will. This is why you are here asking to find solutions. What you need to work on is willpower, as you are saying. Willpower is improved by training it. No one starts out with great extreme willpower. I waited years to find myself in the most painful and suffering situations to start developing willpower. The sooner you start the better.
And when I started working it, I started from 0, then 1, then 2, then 4, 6, with an effort, 10, etc. Progressively, I didn't start from 100. Don't delude yourself that willpower is a binary system "either you have it fully or you don't have it at all", you have to train it and this is achieved by ACTUALLY DOING things, little by little. By committing yourself consistently.
The more I try, the more I fail
Did you fail or did you understand where the mistake was and therefore improved? The second thing is not called failure, but it is a success in all respects. To fail you would have to throw yourself on the ground and complain about doing nothing as the only useful thing in your life. But you're writing here and looking for solutions, so you haven't failed.
The more I get frustrated
There's nothing to be frustrated about. Indeed, you just need to be motivated to start working actively on yourself, meditating, studying, and whatever else you need. I bet you can do it.
Start doing it, doing it really consistently, then after a long time (it's not an immediate thing, it can take a long time of progressive improvements even invisible in the first months) you will look back and compliment yourself, also in a rightly way I would add, because you will have every right to be proud of your more than satisfactory results.
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