#165 Meaning in Life?

[AskSatanOperator]

Hi.
I've been meditating and doing some things (god rituals, personal magic work, RTRs, etc.) for a few years now, but I've hit a wall, a very thick wall...

I think it's been 7~8 years since I started the path, many ups and downs, but I keep moving forward... Although I never achieved great things like opening the 3rd eye, for example, but it is undeniable that the path of Father Satanas made my life better. Today I am 23 years old.

But the thick wall I hit is the lack of purpose in life. Besides the 4+ suicide attempts, I never found anything worth living for in a civilian life, and yes I had a "good" life, "good" salary, good friends, not so bad family... but still this inner emptiness only grew, maybe because of the lack of love from a faithful partner, since it is one of the ultimate goals of a species, maybe I was born broken in mental health, I really don't know...

This lack of purpose has screwed me over to the point where a simple yoge breath causes severe pain, I can't even do my "lazy" meditation routine (10~20 yoge breaths, Aura Cleansing, Aura Shielding, 3-5 minutes of void meditation and maybe a vibration like SATANAMA) anymore. And no, I can't even heal myself, at least not through meditation, but when I got a glimpse of the flame of life, all the symptoms just disappeared like they were nothing...

The question here is:
I'm about to do some crazy shit, something that can be done once in a lifetime almost. I've found a reason to live, but it's not a very happy one, because it involves risking my life and killing others in the process. Flying away, with money I can't even dream of having, from this shithole country that is slowly turning, if not already, into a dictatorship like Venezuela/China/North Korea, for example. Would that make me a bad human being in the eyes of the gods? Would they hate me for trying to live? For trying to find a purpose in life?

Since meditation alone will not solve most of your physical problems, nor will it develop your character, this emptiness has made me cultivate only hatred, which I don't know where to put or use in this life.

Note: Yes is ironic trying to "live" while desliving others...
But since the military carrier, not the easy high salary one, but the full adrenaline mode one was the only thing i found to grab my self, what can i do? Don't the gods tells us to be us?

Hail Satanas, Hail Beelzebul, Hail Astarte and Hail Azazel.

 

[april]

I know you want to escape. I know you feel like there is no solution. I know that you don't know what you're feeling or even what to feel.

So what if you become a mercenary? It will NOT change your mental health. You will still feel like shit, you will still have the desire to escape from reality AND you will have the additional risk. The only reason you are thinking about that is because you're scared of ending everything, but you are aware that if you die now you will most likely reincarnate so it's a good enough excuse for you to behave recklessly. Adrenaline is bullshit, it is purely temporary. What you need is good mental health and not an escape into hedonistic pleasure.

Your CURRENT suffering will follow you into your next life. You are doing a HUGE mistake if you think neglecting this will not have consequences; you would have to face this over and over again endlessly.

So what is the solution? Well, have you ever looked back onto your past? Have you ever looked back into your childhood and felt "damn... i feel like i deserved better"?
If you do not face your past, it will haunt you for your entire life and perhaps into the next as well. You were deeply neglected in childhood and it has its consequences.

You CAN be fixed. You CAN be loved. You DESERVE love.

You need someone who can support you irl, instead of having the balls to kill others you should have the balls to open up to a professional about your emotions. This is nothing to be ashamed of, make your purpose fixing yourself, for your current self and your future self. You have nothing to lose so please, try it.

All the best

 

[AFODO]

The military carrier is not for SS, at least not the lower ranks.

The purpose of life is to advance yourself and others, for example your purpose now is to leave behind this depressive state and keep moving forward, building up your life and advance spiritually. If you haven't opened your chakras in 8 years than consider doing something differently, doing things better.

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

Besides the 4+ suicide attempts, I never found anything worth living for in a civilian life, and yes I had a "good" life, "good" salary, good friends, not so bad family... but still this inner emptiness only grew, maybe because of the lack of love from a faithful partner, since it is one of the ultimate goals of a species, maybe I was born broken in mental health, I really don't know...

Just take lightly my words as I tend to "overfind" traumas in people for my own personal vision.
But. Why did you attempt suicide? Is there a logical reason like you are impaired on a wheelchair with noone helping you and cracked down with no money? Or is that an unconscious desire for which you have no logical explanation?
2nd option, is a red flag for trauma that may lie in your unconscious, unresolved, leading to an emotional loop culminating in suicidal desires. Apart of enemy attacks... that indeed are based on your weaknesses, so again traumas may open doors to attacks.

What I see in your words is only one thing: lack of self-love.
Lack of partner is another red flag, people without self-love will tend to stay alone because they think they cannot be loved.
A person not loving himself, will found no purpouse in life because he secretly thinks, he is of no value - so what he does is of no value at all.
Have you ever realized how much valuable is meditating in this world? Each Satanic Soul meditating is a pillar, keeping humanity in a decent energetic level, rather than sinking down with the jews. Is this valuable? Of course yes. So your work as SS is very valuable, more than being a soldier, in my opinion.

So there is value in yourself.
The lack of willpower to meditate, might be a conflict between your logical mind and you unconscious who clash. Also possibly this lack of self-love is emerging right now, at the conscious level.

Note: Yes is ironic trying to "live" while desliving others...
But since the military carrier, not the easy high salary one, but the full adrenaline mode one was the only thing i found to grab my self, what can i do? Don't the gods tells us to be us?

I think, you are only unconsciously trying to kill yourself by the hand of another man shooting at you, to "resolve" your inner push.

I know it's not easy, as I know this on myself. If I am right, and you lack self-love (because noone teached you how to be loved as a child), trying to have esteem for your value is paramount. This is also connected to a blocked hearh chakra, in my experience.

 

[Satans Son]

Killing people for money is what would make you a bad person for starters.
Don't do that.
And you're delusional if you think you're flying anywhere with a pile of cash.
1 million USD in hundred dollar bill weighs approximately 18lbs and fits in a large shopping bag, you'll get into an airport easy enough, but you'll be leaving in handcuffs.
Moving cash isn't as easy as it used to be and washing it is expensive and risky.
You'd have an incredibly hard time finding the proper country and experienced locals to integrate you with an appearance of legitimatcy.
This is simple escapism on your part, focus on your real problems and you'll find real solutions that don't involve Hollywood nonsense.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

Hi.
I've been meditating and doing some things (god rituals, personal magic work, RTRs, etc.) for a few years now, but I've hit a wall, a very thick wall...

I think it's been 7~8 years since I started the path, many ups and downs, but I keep moving forward... Although I never achieved great things like opening the 3rd eye, for example, but it is undeniable that the path of Father Satanas made my life better. Today I am 23 years old.

But the thick wall I hit is the lack of purpose in life. Besides the 4+ suicide attempts, I never found anything worth living for in a civilian life, and yes I had a "good" life, "good" salary, good friends, not so bad family... but still this inner emptiness only grew, maybe because of the lack of love from a faithful partner, since it is one of the ultimate goals of a species, maybe I was born broken in mental health, I really don't know...

This lack of purpose has screwed me over to the point where a simple yoge breath causes severe pain, I can't even do my "lazy" meditation routine (10~20 yoge breaths, Aura Cleansing, Aura Shielding, 3-5 minutes of void meditation and maybe a vibration like SATANAMA) anymore. And no, I can't even heal myself, at least not through meditation, but when I got a glimpse of the flame of life, all the symptoms just disappeared like they were nothing...

The question here is:
I'm about to do some crazy shit, something that can be done once in a lifetime almost. I've found a reason to live, but it's not a very happy one, because it involves risking my life and killing others in the process. Flying away, with money I can't even dream of having, from this shithole country that is slowly turning, if not already, into a dictatorship like Venezuela/China/North Korea, for example. Would that make me a bad human being in the eyes of the gods? Would they hate me for trying to live? For trying to find a purpose in life?

Since meditation alone will not solve most of your physical problems, nor will it develop your character, this emptiness has made me cultivate only hatred, which I don't know where to put or use in this life.

Note: Yes is ironic trying to "live" while desliving others...
But since the military carrier, not the easy high salary one, but the full adrenaline mode one was the only thing i found to grab my self, what can i do? Don't the gods tells us to be us?

Hail Satanas, Hail Beelzebul, Hail Astarte and Hail Azazel.

Edit: I see now that he did not actually do anything military in this life, so perhaps his urge comes from a past life.

The general meaning of life pertains to fulfillment of achievements, which is a solar energy matter. Similarly, solar energy or our natal Sun also pertains to self-esteem and happiness. We also know the 5th/solar house reflects how we have fun; it is a house of life. Solar runes like Sowilo give motivation, which you noted as lacking in your meditations.

These feelings you describe are common for PTSD military veterans and other emergency workers who do this type of Plutonian work. The plutonian element of this is your idea of purpose, which is that it can only occur under full adrenaline or life/death situations. Pluto deals with extremes, so we can analyze the dichotomy here, which is that you either feel depressed or you feel maximum exhileration.

Tying the concept of acheivement back into this plutonian idea, basically you are finding yourself in a situation of either zero "impact" in life or maximum impact (bullets flying, etc). What other people perceive as normal achievements of life, your brain has devalued to basically mean nothing, which results in depression. This is why you then feel like you have to return to what you previously did, as only then will you feel some sort of "real" achievement.

So when you are trying to evaluate if this is a good decision for you, please understand your own perception and psychology, and how this impacts your judgement of this.

You had seemed to give up on spiritual solutions to this matter, but this is short-sighted. Sure, not all meditations are immediately useful here, but you are going too far in rejecting spiritual options. This is a solar problem, so you need to do a solar working, in my opinion. While something like aura cleaning may indirectly help, that is not the full solution; a larger transformation is required.

If you use solar energies to recreate your motivation for life, this will restore a sense of purpose by helping you find new meaning within your current environment. No, this will not happen overnight, nor will it be easy, but it can happen and it would be better than finding yourself in a karmic loop of only going to the most extreme situations to find purpose.

For more information on this problem (and others pertaining to military veterans), please view: "The Combat Addiction Paradox"

Excerpt: "So a veteran wants to retreat into their past, but can’t. So some do the next best thing: retreat into their memory of the past, which is a hazy and imperfect thing. They long for the days, the horrible glorious days, where bullets flew and the smell of copper and carbon filled the air. They crave those days as much as anyone craves anything; for some, no lover, no substance, no situation can ever measure up to the dizzying heights of combat.


But it doesn’t have to be that way. Our lives did not peak on a mountaintop in Afghanistan, or a jungle in Vietnam. They do if we think they do; if we see that as the ultimate achievement in our lives, and everything else is downhill and meaningless, then that’s what we will believe. That’s not the case."

 

[Epiphany]

The general meaning of life pertains to fulfillment of achievements, which is a solar energy matter. Similarly, solar energy or our natal Sun also pertains to self-esteem and happiness. We also know the 5th/solar house reflects how we have fun; it is a house of life. Solar runes like Sowilo give motivation, which you noted as lacking in your meditations.

These feelings you describe are common for PTSD military veterans and other emergency workers who do this type of Plutonian work. The plutonian element of this is your idea of purpose, which is that it can only occur under full adrenaline or life/death situations. Pluto deals with extremes, so we can analyze the dichotomy here, which is that you either feel depressed or you feel maximum exhileration.

Tying the concept of acheivement back into this plutonian idea, basically you are finding yourself in a situation of either zero "impact" in life or maximum impact (bullets flying, etc). What other people perceive as normal achievements of life, your brain has devalued to basically mean nothing, which results in depression. This is why you then feel like you have to return to what you previously did, as only then will you feel some sort of "real" achievement.

So when you are trying to evaluate if this is a good decision for you, please understand your own perception and psychology, and how this impacts your judgement of this.

You had seemed to give up on spiritual solutions to this matter, but this is short-sighted. Sure, not all meditations are immediately useful here, but you are going too far in rejecting spiritual options. This is a solar problem, so you need to do a solar working, in my opinion. While something like aura cleaning may indirectly help, that is not the full solution; a larger transformation is required.

If you use solar energies to recreate your motivation for life, this will restore a sense of purpose by helping you find new meaning within your current environment. No, this will not happen overnight, nor will it be easy, but it can happen and it would be better than finding yourself in a karmic loop of only going to the most extreme situations to find purpose.

For more information on this problem (and others pertaining to military veterans), please view: "The Combat Addiction Paradox"

Excerpt: "So a veteran wants to retreat into their past, but can’t. So some do the next best thing: retreat into their memory of the past, which is a hazy and imperfect thing. They long for the days, the horrible glorious days, where bullets flew and the smell of copper and carbon filled the air. They crave those days as much as anyone craves anything; for some, no lover, no substance, no situation can ever measure up to the dizzying heights of combat.


But it doesn’t have to be that way. Our lives did not peak on a mountaintop in Afghanistan, or a jungle in Vietnam. They do if we think they do; if we see that as the ultimate achievement in our lives, and everything else is downhill and meaningless, then that’s what we will believe. That’s not the case."

Excellent analysis, thank you for writing this.