I guess I won't be trying to put an end to my life anymore, I received crazy strong signs that I'm somehow still useful despite my issues. I am never going to immediately understand how something like me can be forgiven.

And if ever I sounded mad or aggressive to anyone, once again I’m sorry.

Guess I really can't choose the suicide option, fine then. But that doesn't mean I'll be the same ever again walking with those scars of the past to recent events all over me.

I was just mad that my second college year is totalled, my main goal is totalled again and I'm back in the phase of thinking of what the fuck I'm going to do anymore if I can't kill myself.

My reputation as some ace is finished.

I have to go offline here for about three years because of serious paperwork and system coding and documentation are upon me as I venture into the 3rd and 4th years of tech college. And then that big new job hunt which I do hope I succeed in, I have serious plans to pull off from there like with that weapons research and development job in the computer science department.

I have seen enough signs that I am still loved despite all the bullshit I did since a screwed past life and this one now, so this should be a good sign for me. I am going to miss all of you my brothers and sisters under hell's blessings.

Thank you for letting me grow up under your influence JoS. Thank you for rebuilding me.

A friend told me when he tried to pull me out of my most darkest times are these words, back when I was in an indecisive rut on what I want to choose for a career: Pick one goal and never let any external factor stop you from reaching it.

In spiritual contexts, I’ve even had the damn enemy try to get me to stop doing fundamental acts that build up to them. They tried to distract me, make me feel bad about it, make it look ugly and put me in many places but know this, it will be the last time and no longer will those enemy entities sway me away from the right discipline to my success ever again.

I’ve found my long lost reasons once again. Thank you community of warriors under Satan.

Lesson learned: Never turn your hobbies into your job. Slap me if this is wrong.

The bravest thing I've ever done is choosing to stay alive at all the times I wanted to die.

Always keep in mind that every day gets brighter and better as long as you work to improve upon them.

Thank you community for getting me back on track.

If you find any past cringe and off posts under my name, I would like you to know that I am past that now and have always been sorry for these times of misconduct. I am busy improving myself from all these self-inflicted ruins upon me even if I know it won't be enough. I hope I do a thousand times better than every bullshit I did.